That’s what I am these days. I’m 40 weeks this week and still pregnant. And I’m reminded everywhere I go that I’m still pregnant.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am to be 40 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby. When Knox died I was sure I wasn’t going to ever get pregnant again. And then when Lily died I was fearful that I would ever make it to full term again. And here I sit…40 weeks pregnant and anxiously waiting the birth of this little one.
We feel like we’ve been anticipating the birth of this baby for a year and a half. We sometimes have trouble wrapping our minds around the fact that yes indeed we are going to be having an actual baby in the next couple of weeks. It sounds silly I know, but after the outcome of our last couple of pregnancy’s we still find it tough sometimes to really believe this is happening.
I’ve heard lots of really great “how to go into labor” suggestions. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve cleaned the carpets, walking, eating spicy food and I even mowed the lawn this past weekend. Truthfully, I think some folks are a little worried when I’m standing next to them that I’m just going to have the baby right there. They always kind of give me a sideways eye trying to judge how “close” I am. But I assure you, I don’t think this little guy is going anywhere soon. He seems awfully comfy in there.
So just for the record as of today…I am still pregnant, I haven’t had any promising contractions and it’s totally possible that I will show up to church on Sunday still pregnant and still waiting. I’m okay with that. We trust God’s timing and planning for our family size and we will keep trusting Him for His timing and planning for when each of these little ones will be born. It’s hard to be patient but we will wait and be thankful we have something someone to wait on.
40 weeks and counting…
Waiting
Waiting…that’s the name of the game here lately.
We’re (I’m) waiting kind of impatiently for this little baby to get here. I have a little while until my due date, but am close enough to know that if he decided to make his appearance now everything will likely be fine. It’s hard to wait, it’s hard to ride it out.
But I know this baby will come in his time and in God’s time. He can’t be rushed and shouldn’t be. So we wait.
I am doing okay and am thankful to have been fairly comfortable until the last couple of days. I’ve had a terrible cold this weekend and that is probably compounding the whole discomfort thing too. I hope that I am well by the time the baby comes as I don’t want to give him anything and don’t want to be dealing with a cold while adjusting to life with a newborn. Another good reason to keep waiting.
We are mostly ready for the homebirth, I say mostly because I’m sure we’re forgetting something. I’m much more laid back about getting things in order this time than I was last time. So I’m pretty sure that I’m forgetting something. I have all the essentials ready and in line so if there’s something missing we probably won’t know it until we think we might need it.
Here is a recent picture. The boys keep asking how big I think he’ll be. I have no idea to be honest. I don’t think I’m much bigger or small than I was with the other boys, so we’ll see. Kerry is much better at guessing than I am when it comes to baby weights. He’s been within an ounce or two with each of our boys, I haven’t asked him yet where he thinks this one will fall.
New Recipe Monday — Chicken Fried Steak
Each year we buy half a beef and I’m never quite sure what to do with the minute/cube steaks we get. I’ve never been a big fan of them and I’ve had a hard time finding a recipe for chicken fried steak that our family likes. I tried this one last week and it was a huge hit with all of us!
Ingredients
Directions
- Pound the steaks to about 1/4-inch thickness (My cube steaks come pre-tenderized so I skipped this). Place 2 cups of flour in a shallow bowl. Stir together the baking powder, baking soda, pepper, and salt in a separate shallow bowl; stir in the buttermilk, egg, Tabasco Sauce, and garlic. Dredge each steak first in the flour, then in the batter, and again in the flour. Pat the flour onto the surface of each steak so they are completely coated with dry flour.
- Heat the shortening in a deep skillet. Fry the steaks until evenly golden brown, 3 to 5 minutes per side. Place fried steaks on a plate with paper towels to drain. Drain the fat from the skillet, reserving 1/4 cup of the liquid and as much of the solid remnants as possible.
- Return the skillet to medium-low heat with the reserved oil. Whisk the remaining flour into the oil. Scrape the bottom of the pan with a spatula to release solids into the gravy. Stir in the milk, raise the heat to medium, and bring the gravy to a simmer, cook until thick, 6 to 7 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Spoon the gravy over the steaks to serve.
After I had cooked the steaks, I put them on a cooling rack on a cookie sheet in a low (170 degree) oven to let the steaks drain, so they wouldn’t be greasy and to keep them warm. The batter made more than enough for the steaks we had, I cooked 8 of them using this and probably could have made 3-4 more using these ingredients. Like I said, this was a great recipe and our family loved it. I served it with a side of mashed potatoes and broccoli (we’re out of corn…) I also think this would be a great chicken fried steak to serve alongside eggs and hashbrowns.
37 weeks — Whew!
I am 37 weeks this week and I’m delighted! I wasn’t sure I’d ever see this late in a pregnancy again and I’m thankful to be here. But I’ll tell you…I am oh so tired. I am feeling it this week for sure.
I was a little heavier to begin with this time than I have been for my last two full term pregnancies. Mostly because I ate my way through grief after losing Lily rather than working out like I did with Knox. So I’m sure that’s part of the reason I’m feeling so cumbersome these days.
Since I’m officially full term this week, I’ve been working on getting some birth supplies together and getting everything ready. I have a list of things I want to get done, they aren’t necessarily have to kinds of things but I’ll rest a little easier if I can get them done now rather than after the baby is born. So I try to chip away at one or two things a day in addition to schooling and the regular everyday stuff needed to keep our household up and running.
Today my project was getting birth supplies ready. We are planning another homebirth and last time by this point in my pregnancy I’d had everything ready for weeks. Last weekend I thought “Hmmm….I guess I should probably get some stuff together.” So I gathered our birth linens and supplies and put them in the crib. I tried to label everything so that in case things happen quickly again, it’s as easy for everyone as possible. I hope to be able to clean my carpets yet (please don’t ask why…it’s something I do before every baby is born and always have) this week and to take inventory of the meals I already have in the freezer for when the baby comes.
So now I guess I wait. I have other stuff to work on, but most days I’ll get halfway through a project and then just sit and stare at it for a while because I run out of steam. We’re all getting pretty excited around here about seeing and holding the new baby. But I think we have a few weeks for sure to wait until he gets here. So we’ll just keep plugging along and getting ready bit by bit.
What do you see?
When you see someone out an about do you really see them? It’s so easy to just categorize someone as “my nurse” or “the waitress” or even “the neighbor”. But do we really know what’s going on with them? Do we see them as God’s creation and that they have value or do we just see them for what they can do for us?
It’s so easy to get focused on everything else we have going on in our own lives that we forget to see those around us for who they are. We forget that they have lives too, we just see the in their “roll” in our lives. For example, the lady who waits on you at the grocery store, you see her as what she does not who she is. She may be dealing with a dying mother or sick child at home. We don’t see the “baggage” that others have. We’re too focused on carrying our own. When you ask someone how they are, do you take the time to really listen to what they’re saying? I know people who when asked that question respond with “do you really want to know or are you just asking to be nice?” Most of the time we’re just asking right? We don’t really want to know, we don’t want to get dirty. We don’t want the details, because then we have to care. It’s easier to just keep going on doing our own thing rather than stop and help someone else do theirs.
Many Christians would like to say they care for others; they’d like to say that they want to help others and that they love others like Jesus loves them. But do we really? The majority of Christians would rather just throw money or another program at the problems they see around them. They don’t want to actually help with their hands, it’s too personal, it’s too real. So how do we fix it? How do we as Christians make people feel valued and let them know they’re worth our time?
First I would say, we have to stop seeing others for what they can do or are doing for us. That involves stopping and looking around us. Look at the person in front of us in the eye. I mean seriously. Really look at them. See them as another human being not just the server, the bank teller, the teacher or the student.
When we talk to the person in front of us we have to listen to them. We have to want to hear them and then we have to be willing to respond to what they’re saying. And not just “um hmm” or “oh that’s nice”. Sometimes we won’t know what to say, but just listening to what they’re telling us is important. I’ve been trying to take time to hear what those serving me are saying with their words, their facial expressions and their actions. On occasion I don’t say anything more to the person other than “thank you” but when I say it, I say it with sincerity and while making eye contact. To be totally honest this last week, it caught a couple of people off guard. The lady who waited on me at the grocery store the other day looked completely shocked when I looked her in the eye and said “thank you”, like no one had ever done it before.
What a difference it makes when we see others for who they really are! It makes a difference to them and to us. We gain a little perspective. We remember that life isn’t all about me me me. Showing God’s love to others should be our priority. Our focus should be outward rather than inward and on ourselves.
I would encourage you this week to purpose to make those around you feel important. When you’re rushing through the drive through or heading to the bank. Stop. Ask the person helping you how they are and really listen to what they have to say. Show them that you care. You might be the only one who does today. Pray for them as you leave. You may not know what their baggage is, but you can pray for them. Pray that they will be blessed today, pray that their load will be lightened. Thank God for them and their willingness to serve you. (Even if they didn’t do it with a smile). I promise it will change how you see others. It will change your perspective. Ask God to teach you how to really see people as He sees them. Set out to be used by God.
New Recipe Monday — Refried beans, a makeover
A few weeks ago I was searching for a homemade refried beans recipe that I could make for our family. I came across this recipe and was fairly pleased with the results, while they were missing the fat of traditional refried beans, they also lacked a little flavor for my part.
This last week I made a slightly different recipe that I got from a woman at church. It’s not without the fat, but they were easy to make and have tasted so much better than the first batch. Here is the revised recipe… (unfortunately, I don’t have a lot of measurements because she didn’t give me any and it’s kind of a “taste” thing anyway).
4 cups dry pinto beans, cover with water and soak overnight in crockpot. In the morning…
Make sure beans are still covered with water, just enough to cover…you can add more if needed throughout the day (I didn’t drain mine, but I suppose you could and then add fresh water to cover).
Add some lard (yes lard, I have some on hand as I use it for a few things when I’m baking). I added a square that was equivalent to about 1/2 – 3/4 cup.
I added salt, about 3-4 tablespoons worth. To be honest I didn’t measure it, I made a little pile in my hand about the size of a quarter and dumped 4 of those in.
Then I added some garlic powder, about 1 tablespoon and some onion powder about 1 tablespoon. And cooked on low all day. I used garlic powder because I didn’t have fresh garlic and onion powder because I was in a bit of a hurry that morning and didn’t have time to cut one up.
I stirred the beans every so often and would taste to make sure it tasted okay. I didn’t add anything save for a bit of salt during the day.
When the beans were done, I didn’t drain any of the water because the last batch I made was a little too dry when I froze it. I just mashed up the beans with a hand masher (think old potato masher) until it was the consistency I liked. I like to have some partial beans in my refried beans, so I didn’t mash them in to oblivion.
Overall, I like this recipe so much better! Yes, it has the fat the other recipe was lacking, but it has the flavor too. Much more traditional flavor and you could add less salt although I think it could be a little bland then. This is going to be my “go to” recipe from now on.
No white appliances
I have a confession to make…in the evenings while Kerry puts the boys down for bed I sit at my computer to work (I teach online) and have the TV on in the background. My two default channels are HGTV and the Food Network. The more time I’ve spent watching, the more disgusted I get.
Now, I like watching renovations or watching people search for the perfect family home as much as anyone, but they’re starting to make me sick. I see these couples or families (rarely with more than 1 child and certainly not 4+) looking at homes that have 3500+ sq ft. And you know what they say? “It’s too small!” or “We would never be able to fit all of our stuff in here.” My thought tends to be…Maybe you have too much stuff!!
It drives me crazy to hear women say “Well I don’t cook, but I still want a pretty kitchen.” or “I don’t like the white appliances…they look so dated!” It disappoints me to hear them say “But it only had one sink in the bathroom and I don’t want to share a sink with him.” I’m sitting there thinking…well you married him didn’t you?
And I think, more often than not, one of two things…The first is “please don’t let my boys marry a woman like that” and the second is “please don’t let me raise my boys to think that white appliances and one sink is the worst thing that a house could have…please let me raise them to be content. Please let me be content.”
I think what it comes down to is the materialism of it all that disappoints me. The fact that we fail to see the hurt and the need around us…in our own backyards and we ignore it all. We shut out the need with our triple car garages and gigantic master en-suite bathrooms and our two sinks.
I want so much more for the world around me and my children. I want for them to not care about white appliances and double sinks. I want them to care about people around them…the things that matter. Sure…I like nice things, I enjoy a home with 3 1/2 bathrooms (they all have one sink) and more space than we need (we are blessed to live in the church parsonage). In our current home, each of my boys could have their own room if they wanted, but they don’t. All four, and soon to be five, share a room. But you know what else? All this space…it doesn’t do much good unless I’m willing to be hospitable to my neighbor and open my home to those around me. As a follower of Christ, I am called to be hospitable. And that doesn’t just mean to people I know…the word actually means to open your home to strangers…complete strangers! Gasp!
I want for myself and my children, to look past the “stuff” and to people. To see needs and meet them, not to be hesitant when reaching out to others. We take for granted that we have clean water on demand, we can buy fresh food, we have flush toilets and in general we don’t have to worry about our safety…we can sleep soundly at night without fear of being attacked, victimized or homeless the next day.
As a mother, I struggle to keep this in perspective for myself and for our children. Kerry and I both work to teach them to keep things in perspective and to look around, to be grateful for the blessings we have. But sometimes we wonder if we’re doing enough.
So how do we do this as parents? How does this goal of breaking down materialism and consumerism culture change our conversations, our actions and our thinking? We’re still learning and refining what goes on in our home, but we are implementing some changes in our family to help our boys (and us) think about more than just ourselves, to think about how we can bless others and to be in a position to be used by God.
Because life and service is about more than white appliances and double sinks.
Five Minute Friday — Beloved
1. Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog’s footer}.
3. Go and tell the person who linked up before you what their words meant to you. Every writer longs to feel heard.
OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:
Beloved…
Beloved family.
We kiss them and tuck them in. We snuggle with them in the wee hours of the morning and we love them. They are the beauty of us.
When we started this journey 15 1/2 years ago as a couple of high school kids we never would have imagined this spot is where we’d be standing. But we can’t imagine a better place to be. We owe it all to God’s grace and His ever patient leading, teaching, shaping and forgiving.
I watch my oldest straining to be a man. So much wanting to show his strength, his ability and that he is capable of the challenge. It hurts to watch my boy, the one I cradled and learned with…to watch him grow and yet still need the reassurance he is loved, he is capable and there will always be snuggles and hugs here.
My second, my wild card. The curve ball God gave us…to see his heart and how he cares for others. It does my heart good to hear him read to his younger brothers, to hear him voice concern for those around him and to be willing to sacrifice. I see him give his brother his broccoli…not because he doesn’t like it…it’s his favorite…but because he knows little brother likes it too and ate his already. He waits to read the stories rolling around in his head and I see him writing and telling his stories to no one in particular as he walks around the backyard…talking…telling and sharing his heart.
The third I wasn’t sure I’d have. I was so sure two was our number and then we became obedient to what God has asked of us. His big eyes from the day he was born…stunning those around us. His charm and smile. We prayed for months for his speech…for him to speak more than just a few words and now he is so eager to speak and tell others. Our prayers answered. He shows us how to be patient and how to tolerate. Beautiful in spirit.
Our fourth, our determined child. Determined to make his own way, to hold his own and to do it his way. So hard some days, yet so tender…brokenhearted so easily. Singing his heart out Sunday mornings, not knowing the words but determined to join in the choir of voices and make a joyful noise. Eager to join big brothers, meeting them jump for jump and bruise for bruise.
Then the ones we will meet in eternity. The two surprises that we have waiting…too early to know them much but still grieved and missed. We wonder about the son and daughter that we have there too. We talk of them often and talk about their short lives, their births and deaths, knowing that without them we would have missed some very important lessons about trust, reliance, healing and faith in our God. They perhaps were sent to teach us and show us what we were missing.
And we anticipate the new one…we wait and pray. We pray for his safe arrival and birth, for his health and we wait…all 6 of us with open arms. We can’t wait to hold him and see him. We are ever thankful for his safety thus far and we continue to pray.
Beloved family. Broken, hurting, thankful, healing, learning and loving together. Every day. In our messes. With His grace.
The third I wasn’t sure I’d have. I was so sure two was our number and then we became obedient to what God has asked of us. His big eyes from the day he was born…stunning those around us. His charm and smile. We prayed for months for his speech…for him to speak more than just a few words and now he is so eager to speak and tell others. Our prayers answered. He shows us how to be patient and how to tolerate. Beautiful in spirit.
Our fourth, our determined child. Determined to make his own way, to hold his own and to do it his way. So hard some days, yet so tender…brokenhearted so easily. Singing his heart out Sunday mornings, not knowing the words but determined to join in the choir of voices and make a joyful noise. Eager to join big brothers, meeting them jump for jump and bruise for bruise.
Then the ones we will meet in eternity. The two surprises that we have waiting…too early to know them much but still grieved and missed. We wonder about the son and daughter that we have there too. We talk of them often and talk about their short lives, their births and deaths, knowing that without them we would have missed some very important lessons about trust, reliance, healing and faith in our God. They perhaps were sent to teach us and show us what we were missing.
And we anticipate the new one…we wait and pray. We pray for his safe arrival and birth, for his health and we wait…all 6 of us with open arms. We can’t wait to hold him and see him. We are ever thankful for his safety thus far and we continue to pray.
Beloved family. Broken, hurting, thankful, healing, learning and loving together. Every day. In our messes. With His grace.
Family Vision — Humble
Teaching humility is tough. It’s tough to learn, even as adults.
In our house the definition of humility is “Remembering God is responsible for our successes and achievements and not being prideful or arrogant in my attitude or behavior.”
Being humble means being willing to serve others, being willing to submit to their will, but also being willing to do things for other people WITHOUT recognition. Most of us like to be told how great we are, how helpful we are and how much we are needed. In reality though, being humble means we still work our hardest for God and those around us without recognition. We do it simply to glorify our God. Not ourselves.
Ephesians 2:8-10 reminds us: 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
We’re saved by grace through faith and not our works. Our works, the good stuff we do, comes out of a desire to be obedient and show our love for Christ, not because it is what saves us. If what brought us into heaven was the stuff we did here on earth…1. none of us would get there because we can’t ever be “good” enough and 2. God wouldn’t get the glory. So one of the reasons we teach humility in our home is to remember that without God we can never achieve the standard high enough to “earn” our way into heaven.
1 Peter 5:5 5 You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.
Humility also involves being subject to those around us. When we are humble, nothing is “beneath” us when it comes to serving others. I often think of this when I’m teaching my nursing students. There are some in the healthcare community that think once they become a nurse, EMT or doctor they don’t have to provide certain care to their patients because it is “beneath” them. I’ve heard more than one nurse say “I didn’t go to nursing school to give baths all day” or doctors say “I didn’t go to medical school to hold a puke bucket”. As a nurse, mother and wife, I never ask someone to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. It shouldn’t matter what we’re doing when we’re serving, if we’re humble nothing is beneath us. We will willingly serve, without recognition, without disgust and with joy.
The second reason we teach humility in our home is tied closely with the “serving” part of our family vision. In a family, and in society, we need to be willing to humble ourselves and serve others. Nothing is beneath us. We are never too good to serve others. So often today, people want to just throw money or a program at a problem instead of getting their hands dirty. Sometimes we just need to hold a hand, clean a wound, or give a hug. It’s so much more personal and humbling to touch. Jesus didn’t shy away from the “untouchables” in His day. He dined with them. He touched them to heal them. Very few times did Jesus not humble himself enough to touch the person in front of Him. He is to be our example.
Luke 22:27 27 For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.
So how do we teach humility? It looks very similar to how we teach our children to serve. We do it. We demonstrate it. Something we do often when we go out to eat is clean up our floor around our table when we’ve finished. Even mom and dad will help pick up food the baby has spilled or napkins that have been dropped. We encourage big brothers to help little brothers put on shoes and socks or jackets. Opening doors (a lost art these days) is one of the first things we teach our sons to do for others. They learn to let others go first even if it means they have to stand in the wind, they learn to be last. They learn humility.
Lest you think we don’t praise them for anything, there is a lot of praise that happens at our house. But I doubt it looks like the praise we see on TV or even in society most of the time. We praise them for being willing to serve, we praise them for character not performance.
Humility.
Philippians 2: 3-8
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
To touch His garment.
Mark 5:25-34
25 A woman who had had a hemorrhage for twelve years, 26 and had endured much at the hands of many physicians, and had spent all that she had and was not helped at all, but rather had grown worse— 27 after hearing about Jesus, she came up in the crowd behind Him and touched His cloak. 28 For she thought, “If I just touch His garments, I will get well.” 29 Immediately the flow of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction. 30 Immediately Jesus, perceiving in Himself that the power proceeding from Him had gone forth, turned around in the crowd and said, “Who touched My garments?” 31 And His disciples said to Him, “You see the crowd pressing in on You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’” 32 And He looked around to see the woman who had done this.33 But the woman fearing and trembling, aware of what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth. 34 And He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction.”
We have been studying Mark in church the past few weeks. And in small group this last week we were talking about this passage among others. A young lady in our group posed the question “Would I have enough faith to touch His garment?” And her question has been on my mind all week.
Would I have enough faith to believe that if I could just touch Him I would be made well. Jesus had been healing people all week. He had thousands of people following Him, people pressing in on Him so hard that He had to retreat to a boat to teach. No doubt people touching Him all the time, surrounding Him, wanting to see a miracle. Yet the woman in the story had enough faith to believe that if she just touched Him, the hem of His garment she would be healed. I wonder how long she pushed through the crowds to get close enough, how many times she was shoved out of the way and yet she persisted. And she finally got there…she just reached out and touched Him.
And she was healed. IMMEDIATELY she was healed. And Jesus tells her “Woman, your faith has made you well.”
And then the question came…”Would I have enough faith to reach out and touch His garment?”
I think we’d all like to think that “Of course I would…Of course if I lived when Jesus lived I would believe and I would have enough faith” But I too, wonder…would I…really?
Faith is sometimes so hard. It means that we trust in Him and what He has in store for us even when we don’t see a purpose or reason for the trial we are wading through. It means that we willingly obey without hesitation when what He is asking us to do doesn’t make a bit of sense. Sometimes it means that we are hurt again or that we find indescribable joy on the other side of the valley. And having faith enough to reach out and touch Him means we are willing to lay down our lives, our desires and our mess to follow Him.
It’s so easy to trust, follow and reach out to Him when things make sense, when they’re going our way and when we’re sure of the path. Not so much when we can’t see around the bend ahead of us or when we’re wallowing in hurt, self doubt and fear.
I remember this struggle when Knox and Lily died. Especially after Knox. I remember the daily struggle to trust God with what lay ahead. I would pray one day “Lord, if you are going to call me to lose another baby…please don’t ever let me get pregnant again.” And the next I would pray “Lord, please bless my womb and I will surrender to what You call me to walk through.” When we got pregnant with Lily, and found out she had Turner syndrome and her 1% chance of survival, I fully expected, believed and felt deep down that she would survive. Kerry and I both did. We both totally expected that this past November we would welcome a baby girl to our family. And then she died too. Strangely enough though, it was much easier to surrender to what God was asking us to walk through emotionally. Not easy to do, but we had faith He would walk with us, He was in control and that He would heal us.
Yet…
Yet there are days when I fall prey to worry for this new baby. When I wonder if He calls me to again, mourn the loss of a child, if I could do it…if I could survive. I am not in control, no matter how much I like to think I am.
In doing HIS will, I surrender mine. I reach out and touch His garment and cling to Him because HE will rescue me. I know He will, because He is a God who loves me. I know that even when it doesn’t make sense, when it hurts so much I think I’ll break into pieces that He knows, He heals and He loves. The woman sought Jesus, she pursued Him and she fought the throngs of people to just get close enough. If I just reach for Him, seek Him, He will answer me. But I also know, that the healing I seek and envision, isn’t always what He has planned for me. It doesn’t look like I want it to and sometimes it hurts more than I think it should.
I have come to realize, it’s not so much about how much faith I have. It’s about whether am I willing to recognize Jesus for who He is. The woman in the story touched Him like so many others, but is it possible that she is the only one of all of them who recognized Jesus as someone more than just healer…that she recognized Him to be the Son of God? That He was the only one who could save her?