First few weeks

It’s been pretty quiet on the blog lately. We’ve been trying to find a new “normal” at our house with Zeb’s arrival. We’ve been spending lots of time enjoying him these days and I haven’t had much time to write. So I’ll share a few pictures of these first weeks with him. It’s hard to believe he will be 4 weeks old on Thursday!
Bath time is so relaxing!

Song for a 5th child

As I sit here staring out of my dirty windows across the dusty sills I rock my long awaited 5th son. I could lay him down and get something done while the older boys are out helping dad. I could dust frantically ahead of the coming wind, that will undo it all. I could bake bread or fold laundry, but instead I sit rocking. Holding my son and sneaking kisses on his head velvet soft. After all, babies don’t keep.
Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.


Long Awaited — a birth story

Little did I know that in less than 12 hours of writing this post about being a watched pot, I would be holding our little baby. I firmly believed that I would be pregnant for several days yet and boy was I in for a surprise!
We had been planning a homebirth  but our plans changed a bit towards the end. Kerry was feeling a little more uncomfortable having the baby with just the two of us here so we had started seeing a doctor in Lakin. I’d made a birth preference sheet and gone over it with our doctor, who was very supportive of a low intervention birth (even though I was a 2VBA3C– 2nd time vaginal birth after 3 c-sections). I felt okay about going to the hospital, although I still would have preferred to stay at home. But Kerry and I agreed that unless both of us felt completely comfortable, neither of us would be able to enjoy the experience so I agreed to go to the hospital if I went in to labor without an extra set of hands here to help.
On Wednesday (4/3) evening, I stayed home from helping with AWANA, not because I felt laborish, but because I was just so tired and didn’t think I could handle a group of 6 three and four year olds. Kerry and I stayed home and I got caught up on some work and house keeping. I wrote my “Watched pot” post because I was sure I wasn’t going in to labor soon. Before we went to bed that night we talked again about birth plans and I thought my agreement to go in to the hospital until we had someone here to help was a “safe bet” because nothing seemed to be happening baby wise. We went to bed that night around 1:30 and, like so many nights before, I was a bit discouraged I was closing another day without a baby in my arms and my prayer was that I would be content waiting until God decided our baby was to be born.
Around 4:30 I got up to go to the bathroom. I lumbered back to bed, got settled and had just dozed off when a sudden movement by the baby woke me up. I groggily realized I was in the middle of a contraction, although I was comfortable, and my initial thought was “Huh. That was weird.” and then I rolled over and realized that the bed under me was a bit wet, I rolled my eyes and got myself out of bed thinking the baby had kicked my bladder and I needed to go pee again. As I stepped over the side of the bed I quickly realized that it was highly unlikely this was just a “kick to the bladder” and it just might have been my water breaking. I made it to the bathroom before I flooded the floor. I was in shock to be honest. After not having many contractions and nothing else exciting happening I couldn’t believe I was sitting there in my bathroom, trying to wake Kerry up and processing the fact that we were going to have a baby soon. I started shaking with the adrenaline of it all. I had a hard time calming myself down and making a coherent thought about anything. Kerry asked me what I wanted him to do…”ummm beats me.” I thought. I did ask him to get the doppler so I could check heart tones for the baby and make sure all was still okay with him. His heart rate was good so I just sat there for a bit trying to gather my thoughts. I started having a few contractions right away but I was relatively comfortable.
While we had agreed to go to the hospital, neither of us had really packed a bag or gathered stuff for the trip. While I sent a text to my mom, sister in law and a couple close friends Kerry got his stuff together and I walked around in circles trying to figure out what I needed, what I didn’t and what I was going to wish I’d brought along. Thankfully I had put together a list of things we would want to make sure we took to the hospital a few days earlier. We made a stack by the front door and debated about who we should call to sit with the boys. It was about 5:15am and I didn’t want to call anyone that early. I talked Kerry in to waiting until about 8:00 to call someone to come stay with the big boys, although I promised if I got uncomfortable I would tell him sooner. I spoke with my mom around that time and she was going to leave work early to head this direction as she lives about 4 hours away. Kerry decided he would try to get a little sleep on the couch while I ate some breakfast and tried to rest as well.
I had a hard time sitting still long enough to eat. I was hungry, but nothing sounded good and I had a hard time being able to sit through more than a few contractions. They were coming every 3 minutes or so and while I could manage them, they were much more intense than the contractions I felt with Titus. They felt “sharper” I guess. I did spend a little time in bed listening to some relaxation tracks on my phone and trying to rest. I couldn’t sleep, but was able to rest a bit and thankfully time seemed to move fast enough that soon it was 7.
I was in the bathroom around 7 when my second son Otto came in because he saw the lights on. I told him that today was the day the baby was coming because my water had broken. He was so excited and Zeke was right behind him so he heard it all too. They were both so thrilled! So thrilled in fact, that Otto walked right in to their bedroom, turned on the light to get dressed and woke his older brother Gabe. Otto was a little disappointed though that he couldn’t come to the hospital with us. He had been looking forward to the homebirth because he wanted to be close by when his little brother was born. It hurt my heart a little bit to see his disappointment. Between 7 and 7:15 we came to the living room where Kerry was dozing and woke him up. I was more uncomfortable with each contraction and was having to focus more with each one. I was starting to feel like if we were going to go some where we should go sooner rather than later or just stay home.
Around 8 Kerry called our church secretary to see if she might be willing to come sit with the big boys for a few hours until mom could get here. We knew she would be up taking her son to school and thankfully she agreed to be here by 8:30. So we busied ourselves helping big boys get breakfast and loading the car with our bags. It was so foggy outside that morning, I was praying it would clear some by the time we were going to leave. I was thankful that all of the boys were up by the time we were going to leave, that way I could hug and kiss each one goodbye and snuggle the two smaller ones a little bit before we left. We didn’t spend much time chatting with Susan after she got here, Kerry was anxious because I wasn’t talking through contractions and could tell I was more uncomfortable. He called the hospital to let them know we were on our way (but forgot to tell them my water broke).
Thankfully during the 30 minute ride to the hospital the contractions, while intense, were tolerable. It felt like it took longer than 30 minutes to get there and when we rounded the hill towards town I couldn’t see the grain elevator and was discouraged because it didn’t look like we were as close as I thought we were. Kerry knew I think that I was discouraged and said “Town is right there, you just can’t see the elevators because of the fog, we’re almost there.”
They were waiting for us when we pulled in the parking lot. There was a woman waiting with a wheelchair to take me in, although I would have rather walked. I guess my history of fast births preceded me as the room was all set up for the birth and everyone was waiting just in case. Our doctor was waiting for us as well and had gone over the birth preferences with the nurses. I was so thankful and they were willing to accommodate us. The nurses drew lab, checked me in and then basically left us alone (which is what I had asked for). I spent some time on the birth ball and walking around the room. Kerry put some hymns on to listen to while I labored.
The first hour passed uneventfully although I was fairly uncomfortable (more so than I had been with Titus), I’m not sure uncomfortable is the right word though…the contractions were just really intense. I continued to move around and it was time to get another monitoring strip of the baby so I sat on the ball while they monitored me for 20 minutes. Everything looked good with the baby and they unhooked me. I was so thankful the hospital had a nice Jacuzzi tub and I got in around 11 to try to relax. I had packed a swim suit top at the last minute and was thankful I had. I told my sister in law later at least I looked cute (ha!) while I gave birth.
I appreciated the warm water of the tub but was getting much more restless and my contractions were coming quickly (they had been 2-3 minutes consistently). I remember several times moving around and telling Kerry I just wanted it to be done. He prayed for me and kept telling me I was doing a good job. There were a couple moments when I said “I just can’t get on top of these contractions” or “Again!” when I’d have a back to back contraction. Kerry told me later he knew when I said those things that it wouldn’t be long…I on the other hand was fairly certain if it kept up much longer I was going to be begging for meds.
A few minutes later I felt my body start pushing and I remembering thinking (just like I did with Titus) “This can’t be happening, I can’t be ready now.”  And at one point I told Kerry I was feeling a lot of pressure and he might want to call the nurse, so he pulled the call bell. It took them a bit to come in, but by the time they got there the baby was already crowning and when they asked if I could get out of the tub Kerry said “No” and reached down to catch the baby. He brought him up out of the water and I held him. The baby cried right away and was so beautifully pink it was wonderful! The nurses and staff all seemed like they were in shock and kind of stood there not doing anything. We asked for a towel or blankets to dry him off. About that time Dr. Birky came in pulling on gloves and saw that he missed it. Once he saw baby looked good, he and the nurses left us alone for several minutes in the bathroom while we sat there and just bonded together. I was so thankful for this time and thankful they didn’t push us to get out or do the “routine” stuff right away (something I asked for and was grateful they respected).
When the cord stopped pulsing (another request I had made), we cut and clamped it and then Kerry took the baby and carried him to the room. I was able to get up and walk to the bed and felt really pretty good and we waited for the placenta. The nurse asked about starting pitocin, but Dr. Birky was fine with me not having any as long as things continued to look good. The placenta was born a few minutes later and I was holding the baby the whole time. Kerry took a few pictures, but thankfully one of the nurses does some photography on the side and had picked up our camera to take pictures right after he was born and throughout the whole process. I’m always thankful for those pictures and when I go back to look at them never feel like I have enough. I told Kerry that if we are blessed with another baby I’m going to hire someone to take pictures so I don’t miss anything.
The nurses did a great job of just letting us kind of take it in as a family and delayed many of the routines that happen in the hospital. They did weigh and measure him. I kept apologizing that things went so quickly and told them I thought I would have a little more time to warn them but things happened so fast. They said I was the most “natural” birth they’d had in a while and probably the first to have the baby in the bathtub. It made me chuckle a bit.
After we both were checked out we were left alone again to spend time getting to know each other. Over all I was about as happy with the hospital experience as I could have been. It was the closest thing to a homebirth in the hospital as I could have. I still would have preferred to stay home but was pleased with how things turned out. I am very thankful for the staff at the hospital and my doctor who was willing to accommodate me and the things I requested to help me have the kind of birth I wanted.
We took a bit to name him but we settled as a family on Zebediah Knox. Zebediah means Gift from God…and he truly is. We are so very thankful for this gift we have. Knox was his brother’s name and we felt it fitting to honor him in that way. Zeb weighed 7lbs 13 oz and was 20 inches long. He has more hair than any of our other boys and looks a little bit like each one of them. They have been very welcoming to him and argue about who gets to hold him next. We are praising God for the birth of our son and a healthy outcome for all of us.
I would like to thank all of our friends, family and my readers who have followed us on this journey and prayed for us along the way. I am so thankful for the support we’ve felt and the encouragement I’ve had along the way.

Psalms 127: 3-7

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

A watched pot

That’s what I am these days. I’m 40 weeks this week and still pregnant. And I’m reminded everywhere I go that I’m still pregnant.
I can’t tell you how thankful I am to be 40 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby. When Knox died I was sure I wasn’t going to ever get pregnant again. And then when Lily died I was fearful that I would ever make it to full term again. And here I sit…40 weeks pregnant and anxiously waiting the birth of this little one.
We feel like we’ve been anticipating the birth of this baby for a year and a half. We sometimes have trouble wrapping our minds around the fact that yes indeed we are going to be having an actual baby in the next couple of weeks. It sounds silly I know, but after the outcome of our last couple of pregnancy’s we still find it tough sometimes to really believe this is happening.
I’ve heard lots of really great “how to go into labor” suggestions. Believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve cleaned the carpets, walking, eating spicy food and I even mowed the lawn this past weekend. Truthfully, I think some folks are a little worried when I’m standing next to them that I’m just going to have the baby right there. They always kind of give me a sideways eye trying to judge how “close” I am. But I assure you, I don’t think this little guy is going anywhere soon. He seems awfully comfy in there.
So just for the record as of today…I am still pregnant, I haven’t had any promising contractions and it’s totally possible that I will show up to church on Sunday still pregnant and still waiting. I’m okay with that. We trust God’s timing and planning for our family size and we will keep trusting Him for His timing and planning for when each of these little ones will be born. It’s hard to be patient but we will wait and be thankful we have something someone to wait on.
40 weeks and counting…