And why I’m okay with it.
It’s okay to be a little shocked. We were too. The week after I started my weigh in Wednesday posts, we found out we were pregnant. Looking at this pregnancy from the world’s perspective, this is really terrible timing. We got pregnant right before we moved, right before Kerry started a new job and right before my insurance ran out. But…we trust God for His timing of our children. He can see the future and we can’t, so we know that because it is His timing, it is perfect for our family.
And we are thankful, so very thankful.
I am 9 1/2 weeks this week and I am exhausted. We have been in our new home for a week and a half. We have been busy unpacking and getting settled. The work seems unending and all I want to do is sleep.
As I mentioned before, we got pregnant right before my insurance with my old job ran out (tomorrow to be exact). And since I will be a stay at home mom, we have to buy insurance privately. Kansas though, considers pregnancy a pre-existing condition so no private insurance will cover me. Which leaves two choices…buy COBRA from my old job which is way expensive or go without insurance. We are praying for guidance in this area. If I hadn’t just experienced two losses in the second trimester, I would be less nervous about going without insurance.
I am still looking for a provider. I could drive 4 hours back to Pueblo and see my providers there…but that’s a four hour drive. I don’t really want to just go and stay there for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy waiting for labor to happen and a 4 hour drive in labor doesn’t sound appealing either. Not to mention my labor with Titus wasn’t exactly a long one. There are no midwives here in Western Kansas and the ones closest (3-4 hours away) won’t drive here. I haven’t had much luck finding a doctor who will “let” me VBAC either, so I’m still searching. I guess it’s okay I don’t have insurance yet because I don’t have anyone who will see me. We’re praying we can find the right person to care for me. God has answered this prayer in the past and we trust He will again.
We are so very thankful to be pregnant again. We are praying that this baby will be born healthy and the pregnancy will be uncomplicated. We know that God has created this little one and He is in control. We pray daily for His provision, His guidance and His protection for our children.
Thank you for praying for us.
Month: August 2012
Net Talk Duo review and Giveaway
Net Talk Duo Review and Giveaway
I get so frustrated spending lots of money for home phone service, that to be honest we don’t use that often. This is an alternative to land line phone service, that works at home or on the go. It is an affordable and easy to use VOIP device that can help you save money while still maintaining a home phone.
When I received my Net Talk Duo, I waited a couple days to set it up because we had just moved and I wanted to make sure I had things in order before I did it. First, I had to install a USB driver, which was simple enough. Setting up the account was also simple. I had to select a phone number, but my area was not available. If you don’t need a local number, it shouldn’t be a big deal, for us though it was. With my husband’s line of work, it is important that we have a local number for folks to contact him easily.
I did have a little trouble setting it up. My device was unable to register to the NetTalk network. I use a wireless connection at home, this week I did have a little trouble with the internet (not related to the Net Talk Duo). There is an option of connecting via cable, but I really liked the idea of how “mobile” the Net Talk Duo is so I was hesitant to try it. I decided to put things aside for a bit, thinking it might just be my brain fog interfering with the process. I came back about an hour later and tried again and the phone rang (indicating it’s working) and was ready to use, as it had connected to my wireless connection. I really think it was just me making things more complicated than they needed to be.
After I had the phone ready to use, I called a couple people to test it out, most of the time they couldn’t tell I was talking on something other than my “regular” phone.
The one issue I have had is with dropped calls, it seems that if I am on the phone for longer than 30 minutes my call is dropped, which can be quite frustrating. If you’re a “short and sweet” kind of phone person, you shouldn’t have a problem.
I did have a little trouble setting it up. My device was unable to register to the NetTalk network. I use a wireless connection at home, this week I did have a little trouble with the internet (not related to the Net Talk Duo). There is an option of connecting via cable, but I really liked the idea of how “mobile” the Net Talk Duo is so I was hesitant to try it. I decided to put things aside for a bit, thinking it might just be my brain fog interfering with the process. I came back about an hour later and tried again and the phone rang (indicating it’s working) and was ready to use, as it had connected to my wireless connection. I really think it was just me making things more complicated than they needed to be.
After I had the phone ready to use, I called a couple people to test it out, most of the time they couldn’t tell I was talking on something other than my “regular” phone.
The one issue I have had is with dropped calls, it seems that if I am on the phone for longer than 30 minutes my call is dropped, which can be quite frustrating. If you’re a “short and sweet” kind of phone person, you shouldn’t have a problem.
Some of the cool features NetTalk Duo include:
Call Blocking
Call ID Blocking
30 Day Money Back Guarantee
Wi-Fi enabled
Choose a phone number or keep your own
Free local and long distance calling to the U.S. and Canada
Live technical support, 7 days a week
Flat-rate, ultra low-cost international call plans
Free DUO-to-DUO-calls anywhere in the world
Plugs directly into your router or computer
Landline goes anywhere there is Internet
411 directory assistance
Call waiting / caller ID / call forwarding
3-way calling / conference calling
Visual voicemail
Enhanced 911
Fax-friendly
Videophone application
…and more!
Overall, I am pleased with the NetTalk Duo, yes it is frustrating when calls are dropped, but there is a huge potential for savings here. We aren’t to the point where we’ll cancel our home phone service yet simply because we need the local number. But since we do have to pay a decent amount for long distance we could have the option of plugging it in when we want to make a long distance call. With the NetTalk Duo, you get a FREE year of home phone service after you purchase the device. After the first year, the service is an amazingly low $30 per year. That is seriously a fraction of what we spend on home phone service, and we get all the fancy features!
Call Blocking
Call ID Blocking
30 Day Money Back Guarantee
Wi-Fi enabled
Choose a phone number or keep your own
Free local and long distance calling to the U.S. and Canada
Live technical support, 7 days a week
Flat-rate, ultra low-cost international call plans
Free DUO-to-DUO-calls anywhere in the world
Plugs directly into your router or computer
Landline goes anywhere there is Internet
411 directory assistance
Call waiting / caller ID / call forwarding
3-way calling / conference calling
Visual voicemail
Enhanced 911
Fax-friendly
Videophone application
…and more!
Overall, I am pleased with the NetTalk Duo, yes it is frustrating when calls are dropped, but there is a huge potential for savings here. We aren’t to the point where we’ll cancel our home phone service yet simply because we need the local number. But since we do have to pay a decent amount for long distance we could have the option of plugging it in when we want to make a long distance call. With the NetTalk Duo, you get a FREE year of home phone service after you purchase the device. After the first year, the service is an amazingly low $30 per year. That is seriously a fraction of what we spend on home phone service, and we get all the fancy features!
Oh and for you Android users…Net TALK also has a new and free Android App (works on most Android devices) that provides Free Calling throughout the US and Canada with the option to add low-cost international TALK credits to make calls from anywhere to anywhere in the world (with cell phone / WiFi service) without running up cell phone minutes or roaming charges. Great for traveling and keeping in touch with family and friends abroad! The app is available free at www.nettalk.com and at Google Play.
So, do you want to get this VOIP device? You can buy the device at major retailers such as Target, for less than $70. I’m also giving one away!
So, do you want to get this VOIP device? You can buy the device at major retailers such as Target, for less than $70. I’m also giving one away!
Two years ago
Two years ago I had one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. It was the day we welcomed Titus into our family. So much has happened in the last two years to our family, and yet I am thankful because those experiences help me appreciate the blessing of my children even more. Two years ago our little guy looked like this…
And today…
He is such a busy boy and a huge blessing to our family. He is very opinionated and not shy about telling us exactly what he thinks. At the same time, he is so tender hearted and works hard to do everything his big brothers do.
Below is the story of his birth I posted a few days after he was born. I am so thankful for the gift that he is.
BIRTH STORY
We have been so blessed with the addition of Titus this past week! I’ve had several people send me messages asking if his homebirth was “on purpose” so I thought I’d write an abbreviated version of our birth story. In short…yes his homebirth was on purpose and it was awesome!
His birth story begins kind of with Gabe’s almost 8 years ago. I had a c-section with him after a failed induction at 37 weeks. With Otto I had a repeat c-section and when it was time for me to have Zeke, my doctor who had initially been VBAC (vaginal birth after a cesarean) friendly changed his mind and threatened to drop me from his practice. I felt very backed into a corner and consented to my 3rd c-section.
When I became pregnant with Titus, I wanted a different outcome and began researching my options and the current research regarding having a 4th c-section to having a VBAMC (VBAmultipleC). The research is limited, but what there is shows that even VBAMC are relatively safe and the risk of uterine rupture (which is the big fear with VBAC) is still less than 1-2%. The current culture in the hospital is not VBAC friendly even after 1 c/s and is definitely not friendly after 2 or more. So I began researching a homebirth with a midwife, discussing options and research with Kerry and covering each decision with lots of prayer. I would encourage any woman to do her research and pray before making her birth choices. There is a lot out there.
We found a midwife willing to take me as a client, who was also a believer, and began our journey. My pregnancy, like all of them, was uneventful and pretty normal. As part of my care, I saw a chiropractor once a month to help align my pelvis and spine and help position baby correctly. One of the reasons I had a c/s with Gabe was because he was malpositioned, so I wanted to avoid that if at all possible.
We prayed regularly as a family for God to honor our desire to have more children (something that would be really frowned upon after having 4-5 c/s) and our desire for a homebirth. Every time fear would creep in, we’d pray and turn it over to God. He has answered so many prayers along the way!
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started to get nervous that my body wouldn’t know what to do. It had never been asked to actually “get a baby out”. I was wondering if it would know how to go into labor, how to birth a baby, and would I be strong enough to do it?
The day after my due date I started having a few contractions, but they weren’t terribly uncomfortable or regular, although they felt different from the contractions I’d been having for weeks. We spent the day running errands, I made a quick visit to the chiropractor (just in case this was really it) and napped in the afternoon. My contractions kept coming, but were still irregular and relatively comfortable. I called our midwife a couple of times during the day to update her, but felt like it was going to be a long evening/night if this was the real thing.
That evening about 7pm or so we took a mile(ish) walk around our neighborhood. My contractions were still irregular, but I had to stop a couple of times to let them pass. I was still able to talk through them. Being a L&D nurse, I really wasn’t sure this was going to be it or that it would be any time soon, because nothing was textbook. 🙂
I decided to rest and just hang out that evening and talked to our doula and photographer about 10pm. I talked to her through a contraction and told her I wasn’t sure I’d need her yet, but she could come this way just so she’d be here when I did. Mom and I set up the air mattress in our spare room because I was sure they (the doula) would be sleeping here. I also called the midwife and told her I was still doing fine and I’d have Kerry call when we needed her, but not to worry I thought it was going to be a while still.
I laid down on the couch to get some rest, and had one really big contraction that was quite uncomfortable. But the next couple were manageable again. My water broke about 10:30 and that’s when things got “fun”. Kerry called the midwife to let her know and she said she’d head down. Kerry and I came upstairs to fill the pool (we had set up a little pool in our bedroom for me to labor in) and my contractions started coming much much faster and stronger. Mom and the big boys (Zeke was asleep) were downstairs watching a movie and had no idea things had really picked up.
I spent about 30 minutes in the pool and then walked to the bathroom. Once I was there my contractions were so intense and my mind was racing. Kerry says I was really pretty calm, but in my mind I was going nuts. At one point I told Kerry “I’m hysterical….I can’t be hysterical”. He was so good at keeping me calm and focused. He wasn’t (at least he didn’t act like it) scared or panicked at all. About 10:15 I felt my body pushing and I couldn’t stop. In my head I was sure I wasn’t ready to push and was worried I was going to do something that would make my labor go longer.
At that point, Kerry took the cell phone to mom and asked her to call our midwife to let her know I felt like pushing and to hurry. 🙂 The midwife told me to go ahead and push if I needed to and that she was about 15 minutes away. Mom and Kerry stayed in the bathroom with me and the boys kept watching their movie. Kerry suggested I move to the pool again, because he thought I would be more comfortable and it would be easier to birth there. I made it about two steps before I said “I can’t” and kneeled on the floor.
The next thing I really remember was telling mom and Kerry “there is his head” and to “check for a nuchal cord” (a cord around the neck). He had a loose one that we could easily slip over and the rest of him was born. I was able to put him right on my chest and we covered him with towels and dried him off, he was pink right away. I think I kept saying “I did it! I did it!” Kerry was so excited, but still very calm and had the presence of mind to grab the camera and take a few pictures.
He asked the big boys if they wanted to come see their brother and they both ran upstairs. Gabe (***note we later found out that Gabe handed the camera off to Otto) took the camera and took pictures, and he did such a good job! About 10 minutes after he was born our midwife came in. The apprentice midwife came about 10 minutes after that. Titus James was born at 11:32pm on 8/26/10. He was direct OP (which means facing up instead of down, the same position Gabe was in), but I truly think prayer, positioning and the care I received made all the difference. He weighed 7lbs 11oz (my second biggest baby) and was 19 3/4 inches long. The rest of the story is pretty “routine” for postpartum, but it just all happened at home which was awesome!
I didn’t really think I would go that quickly in labor, especially since I hadn’t done it before. I was completely surprised by the whole experience, but it was exactly what we needed.
I fully believe in birth choices. I think women should be able to choose when, where and how to give birth. By in large, those choices are being taken away for many reasons. If a woman wants to birth in a hospital, home or birthing center…let her. If she wants to VBAC or schedule a repeat c/s…let her. I often heard after my c/s that what really mattered was a “healthy mom and healthy baby” which is true…but that health also includes mental health. For some women it is mentally and physically the best choice to have another c/s, for others it is the option to have a VBAC.
For me, this time and every time from now on (Lord willing), homebirth will be my choice. I pass no judgement on whomever chooses something different for their birth. It is important that the risks vs benefits are considered for each option and in each case. And for each woman make the decision that is right for her, her family and her baby.
Each birth and each child is special and a blessing however they come. This birth for me though, has been incredibly healing, empowering and faith building. God is good and we are so thankful for His blessings and His faithfulness. I want to add too, how incredibly important it was for me to know that others were praying for me. My midwife, my doula, our families and friends. I believe God honored those prayers and they brought me so much peace and confidence throughout this whole process. He has blessed us many times over!
Praising Him,
Erin
Hicural — The new shape of hiccup relief : A review
Okay, so I have never hoped for anyone to have the hiccups so hard in all my life. And no one (!) got them while I was reviewing this product. So I guess while I wait, I’ll tell you a little about the product and what it does. Here is a short video demonstrating how it works…
From the Hicural Website
From Hicural website:
“Finally, a serious solution to stop hiccups. Whether you get hiccups occasionally or suffer from them more frequently, you’ve come to the right place to stop them. Because this revolutionary, patent-pending hiccup stick is a must for everyone! You’ll be amazed as will your family and friends with this new fail-safe and simple method that stops hiccups in seconds.
Why try all those silly, half-hazard and messy stunts like standing on your head, holding your breath, swallowing endless amounts of sugar, drinking water upside down or shoving lemons in your mouth? The lists of old wives’ tales are endless. But do they really work? You tell us.
But we’ll tell you, the hiccup stick is more than a home remedy. IT IS THE REMEDY!”
I was a little skeptical when I first saw the product, but after reading several reviews, I’m convinced it could actually work. I look forward to trying it and we have it handy for the next time someone other than the 2 year old gets the hiccups.
I received the above products through Sublime Media Connection in exchange for an honest review. In no way was I asked to give a positive review.
New Recipe Monday — Guest Post
No bake cookies are one of my favorite cookies to make, they are super easy and really delicious, and they are a good source of fiber. I have given this classic cookie a lot of thought. Everyone uses cocoa and peanut butter for the main ingredients, but what about adding a special twist to the no bake cookie? I want to share a no bake cookie recipe with you that gets rave reviews from everyone I share them with.
Double Dark No Bakes
2 cups sugar
1/4 cup butter
1/2 cup milk
3 teaspoons of Hershey’s Special Dark Cocoa
1 cup dark chocolate peanut butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
3 cups rolled oats (quick oats)
In a medium sauce pan bring the milk, cocoa, sugar and butter to a steady boil, allow it to boil for about 90 seconds. Remove from heat and add vanilla and peanut butter stir until the peanut butter is melted. Add the oats and mix well. Drop by a spoonful onto waxed paper. Allow to cool and harden before serving. Enjoy!
Sara McKibben Lehman writes the Sweet Silly Sara blog. She is a proud Mommy to one, a wife, a college student and a homemaker with a passion for the environment.
Prayer
I don’t have anything profound to post today other than just asking for your prayers.
We are in the final days of packing up our house to move to a new community. It can be stressful and the chaos of maneuvering around boxes can be a bit overwhelming. It seems like everywhere I turn there is more stuff…even when I thought I had just packed that spot up.
We have been battling physical illness. I started this week with sore throat and fever (our son brought it home with him from camp a week or so ago). Now our 3rd son has been running and fever and not feeling well. I have developed an infection along my jaw line which is quite swollen and painful. It came on quickly and I went in this morning for some antibiotics so hopefully that will clear things up. If not, I will need to have it drained. Not an appealing proposition. So please pray for healing and health in these last few days of packing and moving.
It’s just exhausting. 🙂 I don’t think any of us have been sleeping well between the “not feeling good” and the “I should be doing” kinds of thoughts that start running through our minds at night. We need good restful nights of sleep.
The spiritual and emotional attacks have intensified the last week or so. Both Kerry and I have been feeling more attacked lately. I have struggled with thoughts of failure, being a burden and not fit for the role in which I have been called. Kerry too has struggled with similar thoughts and there have been times we’ve found ourselves short with the other person which is pretty uncommon for us. There have been some moments where past hurts, which have been forgiven and almost forgotten, have come crashing in out of the clear blue to take our minds off of what God has called us to do as a couple.
I think the changes ahead are really starting to hit our older two boys. Gabe especially has seemed to be taking more in and thinking some about “this might be the last time I do….here” kinds of things. It is hard to know how to help him because he’s not terribly verbal about it. I expect that Otto will become emotional on our actual moving day.
So again nothing profound today. But we would covet your prayers over the next few days and weeks as we finish packing, move and settle in to our new home.
Weigh in Wednesday
So I haven’t posted in a couple weeks. Mostly because I haven’t been able to get my stuff together and post by Wednesday morning because I have been so busy packing for our move. And I have a confession to make…I haven’t been working out as much as I should have been. I know “too busy” isn’t a good excuse, but it’s the only one I have right now.
So here it is…
| Last week | This week |
| Starting Weight : 155.6 lbs. | 156.6 lbs |
| Measurements | |
| Arms (upper): 12.5″ | 12.5″ |
| Waist : 38″ (at belly button) | 38″ |
| Thigh : 23″ | 23″ |
| Calf : 15.5″ | 15.5″ |
Five Minute Friday — Connect
ow, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give me your best five minutes on:::
Connect…
I sit here surrounded by boxes and clutter, noise, dirt and children who feel the chaos around them. I think about pulling out of our driveway for the last time in 10 days. Saying good bye to the place we have called home for the last 5 years. The home where we brought Zeke home and the place where Titus was born.
And I wonder how we will connect in our new place. It’s funny though, I wasn’t worried about it when we moved here. But now, as I look at staying home full time with our children, moving to a new town where my husband will assume a new role in a church and wonder.
Connection is so much more than shaking hands and saying hello. It’s being surrounded by people who “get” you. Being able to be vulnerable. Connections are built over time. They are built by sharing experiences, heart aches and joys.
Connect.
Embrace
As we get closer and closer to the move I find myself more and more anxious about it. And I’m disappointed in myself.
I used to embrace change and the next adventure. I used to be up for just about anything. If you put it out there as a challenge I’d do it, heck sometimes if you told me not to…I’d do it anyway just for the experience.
But for some reason, there are times when I catch myself mourning the move more than I thought I would. And I can’t pin point why. We’re moving for a pastorate position that will suit Kerry and our family well. We are moving closer to family but not so far away from here that we can’t come visit. It’s a brand new town, with new people and new things to explore and to a church that cares for us even though we haven’t been there more than twice.
When we decided to travel in 2006, we jumped in with both feet. I embraced it, I was stoked. I loved being able to say to my recruiters…these are my top 5 states, find me a job and we’ll go. It was exhilarating to pull in to a new city, to meet the locals and check out the new place.
So why now, does it feel so scary? I could name a number of things that play in to it all, but I don’t know how to “fix” them and I’m a fixer by nature.
I will be transitioning to a full time stay at home mom (I’ll still be teaching online) after working full time for the last 10 years of our marriage (and since I was 16). Where will I make connections? How will I make friends when I’m not working outside the home? This is a brand new role for me, one I’ve wanted for so long, but I’m afraid I will be lonely.
We are moving to a new church. Our church here in Pueblo has been such a blessing to us I can’t even put it into words. We have grown so much and been fed meat every Sunday. Our church has become our family, they have embraced us, loved us, cried and laughed with us. I can’t even begin to describe how important our church has been to us in the 5 years we’ve lived here. It feels like we’re leaving very close family. Like a part of us will always be here with them.
We have had such a difficult year that sometimes it feels like nothing will go right. It is hard for me not to live holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to fall. In fact, last week while I was packing I had a moment of panic when I thought “what if they call and say they don’t want us?” I seriously thought about stopping. We have a moving day in 2 weeks, with no reason to think that the church will change it’s mind, but still…the panic hit.
There are so many unknowns in our life right now. I am a planner. God is not seeing it fit to let me in on any part of His plan other than what is in front of me today…and that is scary. He has surprised and redirected us, in more ways than one in the last week, which makes the ground seem even shakier. There are times when it’s hard not to be discouraged about what seems hopeless, worrisome or just plain fear invoking. I have shaken my head more than once recently when I reflect on where we find ourselves today.
There are loose ends. It’s hard to describe, but I’m not sure that we are ever going to feel “gone” from here.
And to be totally honest, moving is tedious and messy. It’s hard, it’s time consuming and it feels like it will never be done. I’m a check list person too, there is no check list for this. Some afternoons I walk around trying to decide what to do next because I don’t have a neat list. Phone calls have to be made to switch utilities, doctors, contacts etc. I have to try to figure out what we’re going to need in the next 2 weeks and what we can pack up. I know that we’re not going to need the pictures and decorations on the wall, but it doesn’t feel like home without them. I’m hesitant to take them down. I’m not ready for our home to feel that empty yet.
I am choosing though to embrace the change ahead, even though it feels prickly and uncomfortable. I have no doubt this is where God is leading us. So instead of fighting I will embrace it. I will pack my boxes and take one step at a time in the direction He is leading, even if I can’t see what lies ahead.
Leave and Cleave — Wilderness walking, rooftop sitting and leaky faucets
We’re at camp this week with the boys so I’m sharing some posts on marriage.
So there might be a few “ouch” moments with this post. There were for me while I was writing it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
The Bible makes it very clear what it’s like for our spouses to live with someone (specifically a woman) who is contentious.
It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman.
It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious woman are alike;
Ouch.
The definition of contention is a struggling together in opposition.
It is so tempting and so easy to be contentious in a marriage. When we were first married, contention came easy to me. I have a strong personality and I like to get my way. Really, I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t like to get their own way. And when we don’t, we pout, we make sure everyone around us knows that we’re not happy with the way things are. Especially our spouse. We will struggle in opposition until we get our way or we give up, or they do.
Marriage isn’t about getting our way, but it’s about working together to accomplish common goals. And sometimes that common goal is just to survive the day without yelling.
Being contentious is like being a little kid. We throw a temper tantrum every time we don’t get our way, every time we struggle in opposition of our spouse. Think 2 year old pitching himself on the floor kicking and screaming, that’s you being contentious. (If you don’t have kids yet, I have a 2 year old I can loan you for an hour so you get the idea).
Ouch again.
Wives, I’ve got to tell you, if you’re being contentious to your husband it’s like piling bricks on his back. It makes him shut off. He’s afraid to tell you anything, he’s afraid to be open with you. He’s afraid you’ll use it against him later, when it’s time for another tantrum.
Double ouch.
The Bible says it’s better for him to walk in the wilderness than be with a contentious woman. It’s better for him to live on the corner of the roof than share a house with you. You’re like a dripping faucet. Drip drip drip. Brick brick brick.
So how do we keep from being contentious?
1. Be realistic with your expectations. I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again…Contrary to what you see on TV, men can’t read minds. You have to tell him what you want and need. But at the same time don’t expect him to rescue you from everything either. Additionally, I don’t know many guys who come into a marriage with an unending supply of money. One of the biggest areas of contention when we were first married was that I wanted to live at the same level I had been when I was living at home. I didn’t want to have “hand me down” furniture, a small house or a beater of a car. I was delighted when we were able to buy the farm I grew up on, but was upset when Kerry wasn’t making enough money for me to stay home full time and make the payments. I was contentious. But my expectations weren’t realistic. I put brick after brick on his back with my constant complaining and whining about all the stuff I wanted but wasn’t getting.
2. Pray for your spouse daily. Ask God to help show you how you can remove bricks from your husband. God will show you where you can help him and how you can be a soothing balm of joy and contentment for him.
3. Don’t compare yourself or your marriage to anyone elses. Our society has taught us to “keep up with the Joneses” We need a bigger better car, house, new furniture or clothes to compete. Build a relationship with each other instead. Be willing to live with a little less so you can love a little more.
4. Be content. I mean really…be content. 1 Timothy 6:6 says “But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment.” Be thankful for what you have and what you’ve been given. Don’t constantly be asking, begging or whining for more when your spouse is already working hard to make ends meet. I learned to be content over time. It took longer than Kerry probably would have liked. I have learned to be content with the beater car (actually we call it a hoopty bus), and the second hand furniture (we have a white fur couch that was in Kerry’s grandma’s house) and a smaller house. There are still things I desire. I long to be home full time and I long to live in the country. Kerry knows the desires of my heart and although I talk about the from time to time, I don’t nag him, I don’t throw a fit and I don’t stack bricks. I am content for the time being. Some days it takes more effort than I’d like to admit to not remind him, but I know he’s working hard and if he could give me those things he would.
5. Quit nagging. You may have picked up on this one already, but it bears repeating. Don’t bring up that “stuff” you want or the things that drive you nuts over and over again. And especially don’t bring it up in front of others and make your husband feel inadequate in front of them. Don’t even joke about it. For example, I would bring up things that I wanted or thought I needed in front of Kerry’s family and my family when we were first married. I’d say things like “well I’d really like…but Kerry keeps telling me no.” (can you say temper tantrum?) I’d remind him every chance I got. Drip drip drip. My nagging didn’t make him want to work any harder to give me what I was asking or wanted. (Although it did make him want to go to work…just to get away from my nagging) He knew that there would be another request right behind it. It didn’t make him delight in my presence and our home wasn’t a peaceful place to be.
I’ve done a lot of growing in the 10 years we’ve been married. It’s by the grace of God that we have made it this far. We’ve both learned things about communication and living together without someone feeling like the faucet is leaking again
I challenge you this week, if there is something you’ve been contentious about…drop it. Don’t say anything about it this week. Don’t dig at your spouse with the things you’re not getting. Praise him for the things he does give you and the things he provides. If he wipes the table after dinner, thank him…don’t remind him that you want a bigger table. If he fills the car up with gas for you, praise him…don’t remind him about how the neighbors just got a new car. When he gets paid this week, appreciate him for the fact that he’s working for your family. Don’t nag him to talk to his boss for a raise or to change jobs because then he’d bring home so much more money.
You get the idea…Don’t make him wish he lived on the roof or in the wilderness.