Author: Erin

Five Minute Friday — Present

Five Minute Friday
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

Present

I am reminded today about the importance of living in the present. Soaking it all up, drinking it deep. A school mate is dealing with his 9 year old son having cancer, battling it to the teeth and holding on to every moment for dear life. I see mama’s who are learning about horrible diseases their baby’s have, learning there is no cure,  no treatment and in all reality they will be saying goodbye to the baby before he turns 1. I have a friend who grieves for the daughter she lost 5 years ago, she is missed every day, thought of every day and impacts lives even now.
And I hug my children tighter. I thank God for every moment I have with them. I cry out in prayer for these families and many others. I wonder why such sweet children, parents, families are called to walk this path. And I am reminded that none of us know when we are living our last day. We will all meet an end, for some of us it may be today, tomorrow or 50 years from now. We should all live in the present.
Each day lived full, letting little things go, making memories but most of all loving those around us. When I think about it, I think about what I want my children to remember about me if this is my last day. I think about how I want to be faithful to what God has called to do. I also think about what I’d want to remember about my children if, heaven forbid, this is their last day too. I think about the way my oldest son’s eyes light up when he laughs and how even at 10, he so wants to be a man but is still a boy who loves. I cherish my second son, the way he cares for others and his stories…his stories! And my blue eyed 3rd son, who charms with his smile and his words. I treasure in my heart the smile he seems to give at just the right moment. Then there is my spirited 4th son, such a challenge for me, but oh what a child who drinks in life. He lives the experience! And my precious gift in my 5th son. My baby born after losing two babies. He feels redemptive and healing. His countenance so happy and sweet. When I look at him, I can’t help but think “My Joy comes in the morning”.
I sear these images, these memories and their faces in my mind. Wishing I could take snapshots in my brain and rifle through them each day. I pray for God to help remind me that I need to live in the present. I need to take it all in and take each day for the gift and the moments that they are.
Be present.

How's your serve?

This past Sunday we heard a message on Volunteering within the church. Serving each other.
Sure, we always need more volunteers, more hands to help “do church” and more people willing to step up. But there are lots of reasons (see excuses) that we don’t step up to serve within the church.
The thing is this…we are all called to serve. Every last one of us, whether we really want to or not.
Joshua 22:5

5 Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God and walk in all His ways and keep His commandments and hold fast to Him and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
We are called to serve God. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus paid the penalty (death) that we all deserve as a result of our sin. We deserve death and life away from God. God can not bear to be in the presence of sin. He hates it. And nothing we can do will “earn” our way back into His presence. There is no way we can ever be good enough. But God loves us, so He sent Jesus to pay the penalty of our sin. Once we believe in Him and trust Him as our savior we are assured eternal life in Heaven with our God. Because of this wonderful sacrifice we should want to serve Him and those around us. Serving God means we are obedient to Him and what He has called us to do. It means we honor one another, we seek to do God’s will and seek to bring Him glory in all we do.
The Bible lists lots of spiritual gifts, but the one thing we are all called to do is to serve. It’s not optional. This can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes. We all may have a different gift, but sometimes those gifts are big labels we hide behind. We don’t want to serve in a certain ministry or with a specific group of people because we don’t think it’s our “gift”. Are some people better teachers than others…probably, but does that mean we shouldn’t try or be willing to step up and try to learn or even help? Definitely not.
I’ve been pondering lately why people are hesitant to serve within the church or community. I think one of the reasons is that we don’t know how or where to serve. There’s this thing in church…it’s the untrue belief that those who are coming to church have it all figured out, life is all roses and we don’t need help with anything. Let me tell you nothing is further from the truth. Every person sitting in church has problems, most of us have a colorful or at least semi-colorful past and none of us have life figured out. But it’s this belief that we’re supposed to have it down that keeps us from telling others when we need something. The truth is though, when we’re unwilling to ask for help, when we’re unwilling to be real with those around us…we are robbing others of the opportunity to serve us and we’re missing a blessing. We’re too busy being proud. So we need to be willing to ask for help and we also need to be willing to look around for ways to serve those around us. Keeping our heads up, our ears open and our mouths shut helps us find ways to serve others. We hear someone say that they’re going on vacation for a week…can we serve them by mowing their lawn while they’re gone? Look around…there are lots of places to serve.

Another reason we’re hesitant to serve is we’re afraid. We’re afraid of what someone else might think of us. When we’re serving God, what man thinks should mean very little to us but let’s be honest…we’re all a little afraid of what everyone around us thinks. When I first started playing drums in worship band I was paralyzed by this fear. Could I play drums? Yes. Was I the best? No, but I could do it. Did I like playing? Yep. But why then, did I not want to play on Sunday morning, why did I nearly faint from panic for the first several months I played? Because I was afraid…I was afraid that I would mess up that I wouldn’t hold the beat and that people would talk. I was afraid of what the worship leader was going to think of me and what the congregation was going to think of me. It wasn’t until several months in to it and I’d messed up a couple times (which I totally agonized over for the rest of the week) that I realized what they thought didn’t really matter. I was going to do my best, but I wasn’t there for them. I was there because I had a talent that God had given me, our church had a need and I was called to serve. And better yet, even though I’d messed up, my church still loved me. They didn’t even bat an eye really…we might have gotten a little off beat but we made it through and no one disowned me.

And I’ll tell you, those fears are from satan. He wants nothing more than to keep you from serving your church, your community and those around you. It’s sinful to succumb to that fear and to let it keep you from being obedient to Christ.
Perhaps the most touchy reason we don’t want to serve is because we are too caught up in our own self to be of much service to anyone else. We are selfish, we like to think of how others should be serving us, how uncomfortable serving others might make us and to be honest we are too proud to really do it.
Sometime we think a job is beneath us. I don’t know very many people who enjoy scrubbing toilets, changing diapers or even mowing the lawn. But all of these things can be ways we serve each other. Is there a spiritual gift named in the Bible for changing diapers? No. But I will tell you, to the mother who is able to sit in worship because someone else is willing to care for her children for an hour, it is a gift. A few weeks ago, someone served me in the most unglorious way I can think of. Titus got sick and barfed at the end of the buffet line during a fellowship meal. I was holding Zeb and chatting with someone and had no idea what happened. By the time Gabe came to get me and let me know, one of the fathers in church had cleaned up after Titus and scrubbed the carpet. I was humbled (and embarrassed). The dad was most gracious and willing to serve our family in that way. And I’ll tell you it wasn’t the first time someone willingly, and believe it or not, cheerfully cleaned up after one of our children got sick in church.
Sometimes we just don’t want to serve others (insert two year old whiny voice here). Tough. I went to church with a lady who didn’t particularly enjoy leading children’s worship. She enjoys kids but she doesn’t really dig serving in this way, but she does it anyway and the children are none the wiser. She does it because she has the ability and she is being obedient to God’s call to serve. She puts on a smile and teaches every couple of months. And her smile isn’t fake, it is real because she is cheerfully serving God and not man.
When I used to sing on worship team there were some weeks that I didn’t care for a song or two we were singing. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing it but rather I didn’t care for it, it wasn’t my style. But I also knew there was a lady in our congregation that really enjoyed the song. It was one of her favorites. So we sang it. We were able, we were called and we were obedient. Had we decided to avoid singing it because we didn’t care for it we would have been selfish and would have denied her ability to be blessed by worship that morning. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and choose to serve how God calls us to serve and not how we would rather do it. We should joyfully serve Him and look for ways to bless others…even if it’s on our “less than desirable” list.
Serving isn’t just about doing stuff, it’s about ministering to one another. It requires us to be humble. We have to be willing to swallow our pride, serve where, when and how we are able. Serving isn’t about getting glory and recognition for ourselves, it’s about bringing glory to God. I think you can glorify God by cleaning toilets as easily as you can by feeding the poor.
Service to others is a part of loving one another within and outside of the church. It’s part of building relationships with others. We are much more likely to have a genuine relationship with someone when we are willing to serve them and look for ways to do so.
Learning how to serve takes time. We can’t just have one lesson on it during a sermon, or Sunday school or even during Life group and expect it to take hold. It’s something we have to cultivate every day and every moment we’re together. Teaching your children how to serve can be as simple as helping them learn to hold doors open for those around them. It teaches them to be aware of the needs of others and meet those needs. We do it when we don’t want to, when we’re grumpy and when we’re already frustrated. But…we are called to do it. We do it because God asks us to. And as we serve others, we find that we’re blessed as well.

So I would challenge you…how can you serve those around you? Are you listening to what people are saying about where their needs are? Do you have the ability to do something to serve others, even if it’s something you’re not thrilled about doing? The question really is…How’s your serve these days?

 

New Recipe Monday — Strawberry Rhubarb Crunch

A few weeks ago I traded some green onions for some rhubarb. I grew up eating rhubarb cobbler at the Sunday Potlucks in the mountains, but I’d never tried cooking it myself. The boys were skeptical about eating this after they’d tried rhubarb raw…I must say though their faces were priceless! I assured them though that they would love rhubarb once I made this recipe. So here it is…

Rhubarb Strawberry Crunch

Amount Per Serving

Calories: 253
Fat: 10.8g
Cholesterol: 27mg
Sodium: 78mg
Sugar: 24.6g
Carbohydrate: 38.1g
Fiber: 1.7g
Protein: 2.3g

Ingredients
  • 1 cup white sugar
  • 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
  • 3 cups sliced fresh strawberries
  • 3 cups diced rhubarb (I didn’t really measure, I just most of what I had)
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 cup rolled oats

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

In a large bowl, mix white sugar, 3 tablespoons flour, strawberries, and rhubarb. Place the mixture in a 9×13 inch baking dish.
Mix 1 1/2 cups flour, brown sugar, butter, and oats until crumbly (I doubled the recipe for the crunch as that’s usually our favorite part). You may want to use a pastry blender for this. Crumble on top of the rhubarb and strawberry mixture.
Bake 45 minutes in the preheated oven, or until crisp and lightly browned.

 

Five Minute Friday — Rhythm

How to Join:

Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started and how to participate? All the details are here.

Featured Five Minute Friday:

And every week I’ll pick a post that caught my eye and share it down there in my side bar – see where it says “Featured Five Minute Friday”? Yea -that could be you! Hop on over and visit some folk who make fireworks in just five minutes. They inspire me.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on the word:::

Rhythm…

I wonder if I’ll ever find it. If I will ever feel like I’m walking in time with the rhythm that plays in the background of my life. I always feel just a bit out of step…with everything and everyone around me.
Some days it feels like I’m trying just to keep time in this crazy world. These 5 boys, the life we live now…here at home. It’s a new rhythm for me, this being home…holding down the fort while we wave good bye to daddy. I turn around on the porch breathe deep and start again. I wonder if I can survive the day, if we’ll all survive…our hearts intact.
We sway together to the rhythm of our life here. We adjust and we move…dancing to the beat of new baby, school, neighbor kids and new town. Our year here and we’re just starting to feel like we can even begin to tap our foot to the beat and maybe even hum a bit to the tune, but in some ways still not familiar enough to sing at the top of our lungs. Free and wild.
I pray for grace to mother these boys. To teach them, to discipline, to grow them…I pray for mercy. I pray that I will be faithful to what God has called me to be and do. I pray too, that my failures, my insecurity and the piles of baggage I bring with me doesn’t bog us down and drown us all.
And I am thankful that the God of the universe, the creator of the world…who saw fit to place these children within my care and place our family in this dusty little town…that HE is the conductor of it all…HE wrote the music and orchestrates the beat of it all. I am thankful HE sets the rhythm and all I have to do is follow…
 
 

One year

A year ago today (5/19) our daughter Lily was born. She was born on our son Knox’s due date. We said goodbye to two babies in 6 months. I remember when we got pregnant with her that surely(surely!) God wouldn’t ask us to go through the grief of losing another baby.

When we were given her diagnosis, I was sure she was going to be the 1% that survived. But she didn’t and she was born on the day our son should have been born.

So much has happened in the last year and a half. We’ve said goodbye to two children and welcomed a new one to our family. Time has softened the grief a bit, but it’s still there under the surface. While I was pregnant with Zeb, I struggled with fear. I struggled to embrace and delight in the pregnancy because I *knew* that God could ask me to grieve another child. There is no promise that He won’t again. But I trusted that whatever He chose for us would be the best that He had for our family…even if we don’t always understand it. The morning Zeb was born all I could do was sit there and hold him praising God for the safe arrival of our baby. That I was holding him in my arms without grieving…but yet part of me did in a way. One child doesn’t replace another. Lily didn’t replace Knox and Zeb doesn’t replace either of them.

I still grieve the loss of our babies, I hurt deeply. I still have days where I’ll see an outfit and it will give me pause. It reminds me of a daughter I don’t get to hold here. I’ll see a hat or pair of shoes and I’m taken for a moment to the place where I know that a little girl is missing in our lives. I see Zeb and wonder if Knox would look as much like his brothers as Zeb does. I wonder if Knox would share the same bent pinky or one sided dimple with his brothers. I trust that one day I will know. What a marvelous day it will be to meet my children for the first time in Heaven.
But I am thankful. I am thankful…even as my heart still heals. While I grieve (yes still), I can minister. God has taught me and grown me. He has knit our family together tighter than before. He has blessed me with opportunity to share His love with others because of what He’s called me to go through. I am thankful too, for the healthy baby I have in arms tonight. While we have always viewed children as blessings and we have desired them…the true meaning of that blessing I think would, in some ways, be lost had we not been through losing Knox and Lily. I can truly say that while I am exhausted some mornings, I am so very thankful to have a baby to wake up with during the night. When I was pregnant, I would give thanks for every push and pull when he would move, when I was in labor I praised God for every contraction and now that Zeb is here…I am grateful for every late night feeding and early morning diaper change. We all are. 

Lily is not forgotten today, on this day…her birthday. Knox is not forgotten on this day…his due date. They are remembered every day. We talk about them and we have reminders of their special little lives in our home. Knox’s footprints hang in our hallway, Lily’s pictures are in our photo album and they are remembered and loved. They are part of our family.
We remember and are thankful.

Mikarose — A Review

I don’t know about you, but trying to find a modest dress these days that still looks stylish is pretty impossible. Not only that, but try to find one that is pregnancy or breastfeeding friendly and you’ve narrowed your search even further.
I was so excited to be able to review a cute, modest dress for Mikarose recently. Mikarose is a clothing company that specializes in modest, elegant and fashionable dresses, skirts and attire for women. The goal of the company is to provide a wide range of modest dresses without sacrificing style or comfort. The clothes they sell are also very reasonably priced which is another bonus.
I have been a Facebook follower of Mikarose for over a year but have been pregnant most of the time and didn’t really think their dresses could accommodate my pregnant belly. Knowing what I know now, I look forward to wearing their dresses during pregnancy. As most moms know, if you’re breastfeeding a baby you’re pretty much stuck with pants/skirts and a separate top…dresses are almost always out of the mix simply for ease of nursing the baby. Not only that, but if you do manage to find a dress that allows you to nurse a baby it isn’t usually the cutest thing in your closet. So I’ve got to be honest I was a little skeptical when I was asked to review this dress. I thought  “there’s no way I’m really going to be able to nurse comfortably in this dress”.
I was sent the Valerie dress (see it here) to try out. It comes is dark brown or red (which is currently on backorder). I am always a little hesitant to order clothes online because I’m not sure how they’ll fit, especially just a few weeks after giving birth. I ordered the size suggested on their website and found that the dress fit beautifully. I was also a little concerned about how the dress would fit length wise because I’m shorter than your average person at 5’2″ but I really liked where it fell on me, which was about mid-calf.
As a post partum mom, I’m always a little self-conscious about my mommy tummy right after the baby is born (Zeb is about one month old). I liked that the Valerie dress had a bit of rouching around the tummy and helped me feel like my belly was camouflaged a bit. The dress overall was very comfortable and I wore it to church on Sunday.

The moment of truth came for me when the baby woke up and was hungry. Was this really going to work? The beauty of this dress is that there is a little hook and eye closure on the front where it crosses across the body. I was able to nurse easily after unfastening the hook and eye. I use a cover when nursing as a general rule but was pleased with how easily I was able to feed Zeb and the amount of give in the fabric to be able to nurse comfortably. When I was done feeding the stretch in the fabric let it return to it’s normal shape without looking like I’d completely stretched it beyond where it should have been.
Their clothes aren’t just for pregnant and nursing mamas. They’re for anyone wanting fashionable modest clothing at a reasonable price. I was very impressed with the quality of this dress and Mikarose will be one of my new “go to” stores when I’m shopping for myself.
Perhaps the most important thing about the whole thing is that I felt pretty. I was able to wear a modest dress, that allowed me to nurse, and still be stylish all at the same time. I was delighted. I had several compliments on the dress throughout the day and as most of us know that is a huge deal to a new mom.

As a special deal for my readers, you can get 10% off your order at Mikarose by using the coupon code blog2013 when you check out.
You can visit their website at http://www.mikarose.com/ or their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/MIKAROSEMODESTY
I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free from Mikarose. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

First few weeks

It’s been pretty quiet on the blog lately. We’ve been trying to find a new “normal” at our house with Zeb’s arrival. We’ve been spending lots of time enjoying him these days and I haven’t had much time to write. So I’ll share a few pictures of these first weeks with him. It’s hard to believe he will be 4 weeks old on Thursday!
Bath time is so relaxing!

Song for a 5th child

As I sit here staring out of my dirty windows across the dusty sills I rock my long awaited 5th son. I could lay him down and get something done while the older boys are out helping dad. I could dust frantically ahead of the coming wind, that will undo it all. I could bake bread or fold laundry, but instead I sit rocking. Holding my son and sneaking kisses on his head velvet soft. After all, babies don’t keep.
Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

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Long Awaited — a birth story

Little did I know that in less than 12 hours of writing this post about being a watched pot, I would be holding our little baby. I firmly believed that I would be pregnant for several days yet and boy was I in for a surprise!
We had been planning a homebirth  but our plans changed a bit towards the end. Kerry was feeling a little more uncomfortable having the baby with just the two of us here so we had started seeing a doctor in Lakin. I’d made a birth preference sheet and gone over it with our doctor, who was very supportive of a low intervention birth (even though I was a 2VBA3C– 2nd time vaginal birth after 3 c-sections). I felt okay about going to the hospital, although I still would have preferred to stay at home. But Kerry and I agreed that unless both of us felt completely comfortable, neither of us would be able to enjoy the experience so I agreed to go to the hospital if I went in to labor without an extra set of hands here to help.
On Wednesday (4/3) evening, I stayed home from helping with AWANA, not because I felt laborish, but because I was just so tired and didn’t think I could handle a group of 6 three and four year olds. Kerry and I stayed home and I got caught up on some work and house keeping. I wrote my “Watched pot” post because I was sure I wasn’t going in to labor soon. Before we went to bed that night we talked again about birth plans and I thought my agreement to go in to the hospital until we had someone here to help was a “safe bet” because nothing seemed to be happening baby wise. We went to bed that night around 1:30 and, like so many nights before, I was a bit discouraged I was closing another day without a baby in my arms and my prayer was that I would be content waiting until God decided our baby was to be born.
Around 4:30 I got up to go to the bathroom. I lumbered back to bed, got settled and had just dozed off when a sudden movement by the baby woke me up. I groggily realized I was in the middle of a contraction, although I was comfortable, and my initial thought was “Huh. That was weird.” and then I rolled over and realized that the bed under me was a bit wet, I rolled my eyes and got myself out of bed thinking the baby had kicked my bladder and I needed to go pee again. As I stepped over the side of the bed I quickly realized that it was highly unlikely this was just a “kick to the bladder” and it just might have been my water breaking. I made it to the bathroom before I flooded the floor. I was in shock to be honest. After not having many contractions and nothing else exciting happening I couldn’t believe I was sitting there in my bathroom, trying to wake Kerry up and processing the fact that we were going to have a baby soon. I started shaking with the adrenaline of it all. I had a hard time calming myself down and making a coherent thought about anything. Kerry asked me what I wanted him to do…”ummm beats me.” I thought. I did ask him to get the doppler so I could check heart tones for the baby and make sure all was still okay with him. His heart rate was good so I just sat there for a bit trying to gather my thoughts. I started having a few contractions right away but I was relatively comfortable.
While we had agreed to go to the hospital, neither of us had really packed a bag or gathered stuff for the trip. While I sent a text to my mom, sister in law and a couple close friends Kerry got his stuff together and I walked around in circles trying to figure out what I needed, what I didn’t and what I was going to wish I’d brought along. Thankfully I had put together a list of things we would want to make sure we took to the hospital a few days earlier. We made a stack by the front door and debated about who we should call to sit with the boys. It was about 5:15am and I didn’t want to call anyone that early. I talked Kerry in to waiting until about 8:00 to call someone to come stay with the big boys, although I promised if I got uncomfortable I would tell him sooner. I spoke with my mom around that time and she was going to leave work early to head this direction as she lives about 4 hours away. Kerry decided he would try to get a little sleep on the couch while I ate some breakfast and tried to rest as well.
I had a hard time sitting still long enough to eat. I was hungry, but nothing sounded good and I had a hard time being able to sit through more than a few contractions. They were coming every 3 minutes or so and while I could manage them, they were much more intense than the contractions I felt with Titus. They felt “sharper” I guess. I did spend a little time in bed listening to some relaxation tracks on my phone and trying to rest. I couldn’t sleep, but was able to rest a bit and thankfully time seemed to move fast enough that soon it was 7.
I was in the bathroom around 7 when my second son Otto came in because he saw the lights on. I told him that today was the day the baby was coming because my water had broken. He was so excited and Zeke was right behind him so he heard it all too. They were both so thrilled! So thrilled in fact, that Otto walked right in to their bedroom, turned on the light to get dressed and woke his older brother Gabe. Otto was a little disappointed though that he couldn’t come to the hospital with us. He had been looking forward to the homebirth because he wanted to be close by when his little brother was born. It hurt my heart a little bit to see his disappointment. Between 7 and 7:15 we came to the living room where Kerry was dozing and woke him up. I was more uncomfortable with each contraction and was having to focus more with each one. I was starting to feel like if we were going to go some where we should go sooner rather than later or just stay home.
Around 8 Kerry called our church secretary to see if she might be willing to come sit with the big boys for a few hours until mom could get here. We knew she would be up taking her son to school and thankfully she agreed to be here by 8:30. So we busied ourselves helping big boys get breakfast and loading the car with our bags. It was so foggy outside that morning, I was praying it would clear some by the time we were going to leave. I was thankful that all of the boys were up by the time we were going to leave, that way I could hug and kiss each one goodbye and snuggle the two smaller ones a little bit before we left. We didn’t spend much time chatting with Susan after she got here, Kerry was anxious because I wasn’t talking through contractions and could tell I was more uncomfortable. He called the hospital to let them know we were on our way (but forgot to tell them my water broke).
Thankfully during the 30 minute ride to the hospital the contractions, while intense, were tolerable. It felt like it took longer than 30 minutes to get there and when we rounded the hill towards town I couldn’t see the grain elevator and was discouraged because it didn’t look like we were as close as I thought we were. Kerry knew I think that I was discouraged and said “Town is right there, you just can’t see the elevators because of the fog, we’re almost there.”
They were waiting for us when we pulled in the parking lot. There was a woman waiting with a wheelchair to take me in, although I would have rather walked. I guess my history of fast births preceded me as the room was all set up for the birth and everyone was waiting just in case. Our doctor was waiting for us as well and had gone over the birth preferences with the nurses. I was so thankful and they were willing to accommodate us. The nurses drew lab, checked me in and then basically left us alone (which is what I had asked for). I spent some time on the birth ball and walking around the room. Kerry put some hymns on to listen to while I labored.
The first hour passed uneventfully although I was fairly uncomfortable (more so than I had been with Titus), I’m not sure uncomfortable is the right word though…the contractions were just really intense. I continued to move around and it was time to get another monitoring strip of the baby so I sat on the ball while they monitored me for 20 minutes. Everything looked good with the baby and they unhooked me. I was so thankful the hospital had a nice Jacuzzi tub and I got in around 11 to try to relax. I had packed a swim suit top at the last minute and was thankful I had. I told my sister in law later at least I looked cute (ha!) while I gave birth.
I appreciated the warm water of the tub but was getting much more restless and my contractions were coming quickly (they had been 2-3 minutes consistently). I remember several times moving around and telling Kerry I just wanted it to be done. He prayed for me and kept telling me I was doing a good job. There were a couple moments when I said “I just can’t get on top of these contractions” or “Again!” when I’d have a back to back contraction. Kerry told me later he knew when I said those things that it wouldn’t be long…I on the other hand was fairly certain if it kept up much longer I was going to be begging for meds.
A few minutes later I felt my body start pushing and I remembering thinking (just like I did with Titus) “This can’t be happening, I can’t be ready now.”  And at one point I told Kerry I was feeling a lot of pressure and he might want to call the nurse, so he pulled the call bell. It took them a bit to come in, but by the time they got there the baby was already crowning and when they asked if I could get out of the tub Kerry said “No” and reached down to catch the baby. He brought him up out of the water and I held him. The baby cried right away and was so beautifully pink it was wonderful! The nurses and staff all seemed like they were in shock and kind of stood there not doing anything. We asked for a towel or blankets to dry him off. About that time Dr. Birky came in pulling on gloves and saw that he missed it. Once he saw baby looked good, he and the nurses left us alone for several minutes in the bathroom while we sat there and just bonded together. I was so thankful for this time and thankful they didn’t push us to get out or do the “routine” stuff right away (something I asked for and was grateful they respected).
When the cord stopped pulsing (another request I had made), we cut and clamped it and then Kerry took the baby and carried him to the room. I was able to get up and walk to the bed and felt really pretty good and we waited for the placenta. The nurse asked about starting pitocin, but Dr. Birky was fine with me not having any as long as things continued to look good. The placenta was born a few minutes later and I was holding the baby the whole time. Kerry took a few pictures, but thankfully one of the nurses does some photography on the side and had picked up our camera to take pictures right after he was born and throughout the whole process. I’m always thankful for those pictures and when I go back to look at them never feel like I have enough. I told Kerry that if we are blessed with another baby I’m going to hire someone to take pictures so I don’t miss anything.
The nurses did a great job of just letting us kind of take it in as a family and delayed many of the routines that happen in the hospital. They did weigh and measure him. I kept apologizing that things went so quickly and told them I thought I would have a little more time to warn them but things happened so fast. They said I was the most “natural” birth they’d had in a while and probably the first to have the baby in the bathtub. It made me chuckle a bit.
After we both were checked out we were left alone again to spend time getting to know each other. Over all I was about as happy with the hospital experience as I could have been. It was the closest thing to a homebirth in the hospital as I could have. I still would have preferred to stay home but was pleased with how things turned out. I am very thankful for the staff at the hospital and my doctor who was willing to accommodate me and the things I requested to help me have the kind of birth I wanted.
We took a bit to name him but we settled as a family on Zebediah Knox. Zebediah means Gift from God…and he truly is. We are so very thankful for this gift we have. Knox was his brother’s name and we felt it fitting to honor him in that way. Zeb weighed 7lbs 13 oz and was 20 inches long. He has more hair than any of our other boys and looks a little bit like each one of them. They have been very welcoming to him and argue about who gets to hold him next. We are praising God for the birth of our son and a healthy outcome for all of us.
I would like to thank all of our friends, family and my readers who have followed us on this journey and prayed for us along the way. I am so thankful for the support we’ve felt and the encouragement I’ve had along the way.

Psalms 127: 3-7

Behold, children are a gift of the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one’s youth.
5 How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed
When they speak with their enemies in the gate.