Author: Erin

Five Minute Friday — Wide

This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.
Now, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..
Oh and Ahem, if you would take pity and turn off comment verification, it would make leaving some love on your post that much easier for folks!
OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on:::

Wide…

Sometimes a word is just too big. It encompasses too much for me to write, I have a hard time finding words to fill the space. Wide is that word to me.
I can’t put the significance into words for me. Wide, His arms spread wide, held there by nails. Paying the price for my sin and my wrong so that I could be redeemed. I should have been separated from Him…I deserve it. But He loved me enough to send His son to take the punishment in my place.
I have believed it from the time I was small. I have learned to trust it, really trust it, in the last year or two.
I think often of the trials this last year has brought for our family. Family confrontation and abandonment, the loss of our son, then our daughter, the upheaval of interviewing for a job hours away from what had become so comfortable. Now here I sit, in our new town, new home with a new church…at times feeling lost. My life has changed so very much in such a short time. I am learning a new role in a place that is different. When I think about “before” here, it seems so far away and I long for comfort of normal, known, close.
I have relied on the hope that I have in Christ to carry me through so much. I am so thankful for the hope I have in Him. I’m thankful to know that when I have moments when where I’m supposed to be seems so very far away that I am right where He wants me. Where I am reliant on Him for what comes next, for my peace and my direction.
His arms are always wide open. Waiting to hold me, comfort me and remind me that He has me every step of the way.
 

Susan Brown's Baby — A review

A few weeks ago, we moved to a new town for my husband to pastor a new church. We have been shaking a lot of hands. It’s not always possible to wash our hands right after introductions and it’s not terribly polite either. We don’t generally use a lot of hand sanitize, but I was thankful to be able to put  Susan Brown’s Baby Moisturizing Hand Sanitizer to the test. As the mom of 4 little boys (when one gets sick they all get sick and it takes forever to get out of our house), I was looking for something that isn’t as harsh as the commercial hand sanitizers found in stores.
About Susan Brown’s Baby:
“Our pure and gentle luxury products are the result of years of research by my family. My father, a chemist of over 30 years, has been producing naturally hydrating cosmetic ingredients for some of the best-known skin care companies in the world such as Estée Lauder®, Chanel®, Clinique®, L’Oreal®, and Neutrogena®.
When I was a baby, he would bring home his wonderful oils for my mother to use in the nursery and over the years I have continued to use them to keep my skin soft and smooth. Because they were so effective, my mother and I gave them to friends and family to enjoy. And now I would like to share them with you.” – Susan

I have to say, this product far exceeded my expectations. Initially it does smell like alcohol, as do most hand sanitizers, but as it dries it leaves a light scent behind which I love. It didn’t leave my hands feeling dry or irritated, in fact they felt like I had just put on lotion and were quite soft.
I also had the opportunity to try some lotion and lotion to powder from Susan Brown. Such neat stuff! I don’t generally use powder on my children because I don’t want them inhaling the particles, but I like the way it feels especially in the warmer summer months. The lotion to powder is a great solution and the boys thought it was fun putting lotion on.
I’ve enjoyed these products so much that they’re definitely going to become a staple in our house (and probably for every baby shower gift I give).
To see the full line of Susan Brown’s Baby products check out their website. For all the latest information be sure follow Susan Brown’s Baby on Facebook & Twitter!
I received the above products for free through Sublime Media Connection in exchange for an honest review. In no way was I asked to give a positive review.

Real Kids Shades Review

I don’t know about you but when it comes to sun glasses for my children, I have always purchased the cheapest and easiest pair I could find so that when the kids broke them I wouldn’t be out a bunch of money. With 4 little boys, sunglasses don’t really last very long around here.
Recently I was given the opportunity to review a pair of sunglasses from Real Kids Shades. At first I thought, there’s no way these things are going to last at my house. And to be totally honest, I thought “there’s no way I would spend $15.00 on a pair of sunglasses when they’re only going to last a couple hours.”
I was so surprised when these glasses came.
First, I got a pair for 7-12 year old children. The boys picked the Glide style. They came in a really nice carrying case and some great literature for parents to read.
One of the things I learned after reading the information included was why “toy” (see cheap) sunglasses are actually more dangerous for your children.
Toy Sunglasses Can Do More Harm Than Good
Most children’s sunglasses are sold
 as toys. Toys are great fun, but not so great at protecting something as vital as your child’s eyesight. In fact, most children’s sunglasses do not protect children’s eyes from harmful UV radiation. Don’t confuse the dark shading of lenses with their ability to filter out these harmful rays. Colored lenses on most toy sunglasses – no matter how dark – will not protect your child’s eyes.
The truth is, wearing cheap toy sunglasses can actually do more harm to a child’s eyes than not wearing anything at all. Shaded lenses without 100% UV-A/UV-B protection will relax pupils, causing them to dilate and let MORE harmful radiation into children’s eyes. What’s more, not all sunglasses with “100% UV” protection labels pass the test.
The second part that surprised me about these sunglasses is durability! We’ve had them for several weeks and they’ve held up nicely with the boys. They’ve been passed around to try from oldest to youngest. The older two boys (9 and 7) both commented on how comfortable the glasses were to wear and wore them for several hours at a time. The glasses came with a strap for really active times, but the boys felt like the glasses were secure enough without it and asked to take it off. I was so impressed that these glasses didn’t fall off the boys’ heads! Even the little guy (2) could wear them and they didn’t slip and slide, although they were a bit big for him. Real Kids Shades has a line for infants all the way up to 12 year olds!
Some features of the Real Kids Shades glasses include:

  • UV400 Category-3 Lenses
  • Polycarbonate Lenses (shatterproof and impact resistant)
  • Polycarbonate or Flexible Rubber Frames
  • 100% UV Protection (FDA-Approved)
  • Lead-free
  • No BPAs
  • No Phthalates

Here’s a note from Real Kids Shades:
Sunglasses are important gear for your child during back to school time and throughout the year! Your child’s backpack should always have a pair of sunglasses handy so they can put them on when they’re outside at recess, or walking home from the bus stop.
We understand that back to school time can be stressful for families. The calendar fills up and so does the “to do” list. We also understand that the endless amount of school supplies, clothing, and gear that need to be purchased can put a real financial strain on parents. Real Kids Shades is helping out families by offering two special Facebook promotions.
20% off Coupon
Now through September 27, 2012, we are offering 20% off all items on our website. Click here to register and receive your coupon code.
$250 Visa Gift Card
Enter for a chance to win a $250 Visa Gift Card from Real Kids Shades. This gift card is just what you’ll need to cover some of those inevitable back to school expenses. Simply click here to enter.
After reviewing this product, I plan on buying pairs for each of the other boys. I was impressed with the quality, the durability and the high level of protection it provides for my children.
 
I received the above products through Sublime Media Connection in exchange for an honest review. In no way was I asked to give a positive review.

New recipe Monday — Field Mice

Ok, so I’m a little late with this post, it’s Tuesday but I forgot to schedule this one for Monday. Sorry about that.
Our family is super excited for football season. We enjoy watching it together on the weekends and one of my favorite things about football season (other than the actual game) is the food! Here is one of our very favorite recipes. Super easy and way good! I usually double it.

Ingredients

  • 6 fresh jalapeno peppers, halved lengthwise and seeded
  • 1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
  • 12 slices bacon

Directions

  1. Preheat an outdoor grill for high heat.
  2. Spread cream cheese to fill jalapeno halves. Wrap with bacon. Secure with a toothpick.
  3. Place on the grill, and cook until bacon is crispy.

You can also broil these in the oven if you can’t grill.
**Side note we call these field mice at our house. The stems on the peppers make them look like little mice**

 

Defiance of fear

Today I won a small victory against fear. I will be 11 weeks pregnant this week, rapidly approaching the mark in my pregnancy where I lost Knox and Lily. I try not to dwell on it, I try not to let the fear seep it’s way into my daily thoughts. There are fleeting moments where I think…”what if it happens again?” I can usually push it out and keep going.
But…
Every morning I am greeted with three tubs. They hold my maternity clothes. And I struggle.

The week before Knox was born, I had just unpacked all of my maternity clothes and hung them in my closet. I had finally told work I was expecting because my regular clothes were looking suspiciously tight and not in the “she ate too many chili fries” kind of way. Co-workers who knew me well had already guessed. So before we came back for our Thanksgiving visit, I unpacked, hung up and folded maternity clothes.
Then Knox died.
The night before I went to the hospital I stood in front of my closet and pulled all of those clothes out. I put them back in their tubs…I wouldn’t be needing them after all and I knew I wouldn’t want to pack them when I came home. I cried and I mourned and I was angry. I could hardly see through the tears I was crying as I folded my favorite black sweater I wore with Zeke.
So when I got pregnant with Lily, I decided not to get maternity clothes out until I had passed 15 weeks. I didn’t want to have to pack them away. But I had to pull a few things out because regular clothes were just too uncomfortable. I kept them in their tubs though. Nothing maternity went in my closet. And then she died too.
So now, here I am. Almost 11 weeks pregnant, starting to struggle to button my jeans and not look “frumpy” in anything else. There is a little bulge where this baby is growing and while most of the time it just looks like I ate too many donuts, I could use some clothes that are a little more forgiving. In addition to that, we moved 2 weeks ago and I really hate unpacking clothes. I’m sitting there thinking “if this baby makes it, I’m going to be putting these all away in a month anyway” (I hate thinking that “if” but it is a reality I know now).
But I haven’t been quite daring enough to take the lids off the bins that hold those clothes that signify the “thick around the middle” isn’t fat…it’s baby. I pass those bins sitting at the foot of my bed every morning when I wake up. They remind me of my fear, of my hurt and of the hope that just might be this time. Every day they have psyched me out and dared me to open them. And until this morning I have left the right where the guys who unloaded them put them.
Until today.
In a moment of defiance, of sheer “screw you fear”, I decided to unpack them. “It’s going to be a time waster to unpack my “regular” clothes now and put them away in a month”, I told myself. “They’re just clothes” I reminded myself as I pulled shirt after shirt, paneled pant after paneled pant out of the bin and put them in my closet. “This isn’t going to determine the outcome. God does.” Every so often I would pause and wonder if I’m doing the right thing…if I should wait until…
But I know that God has numbered this baby’s days before he or she was ever created. God knows. He has a plan. Psalm 139:13-16 says…

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

So I unpacked. And I prayed. I prayed for the health and safety of this baby. I prayed that I would find someone who would care for me, who would support me in my quest for another home birth or at the very least another VBAC.

They hang together in my closet, clumped to one end…but they are there. The empty tubs sit now in the storage room in our basement. If I have to put them away too soon, so be it, but today I defied the fear and the reminder of “what if” that has greeted me every morning.

Adjustment

We’ve been in our new home for 2 and a half weeks.

We are learning to live in a smaller town again. And to live in town. Even though we lived in Pueblo West, where our home was located we felt very much like we were close to the country. I enjoyed being able to look out and see the mountains. Here I see a wonderful backyard (with grass!) but also other buildings close by. I miss open space a bit.
Some of the things our we’ve adjusted in just the short time we’ve been here…
I have to plan my grocery lists a little differently. There is a small local grocery store, but it’s a bit more expensive than some larger stores in bigger cities. We now have an “every day” grocery list and a “city” grocery list for when we make the hour trek to a larger city.
Speaking of grocery stores, Zeke has to learn it’s okay for a guy to follow us out with a cart of groceries. A young man was helping us to the car with our groceries this last week. Zeke saw him following us and said “Mom!” and pointed emphatically towards the man behind us as if to say “that guy is following us!” He wasn’t sure that it was okay. I told him, that’s the difference between a small town and a big one. They help you out with groceries. 🙂
We have to mow grass. For the last 5 years we didn’t have grass at all. Our lawn care consisted of pulling weeds and spraying if they got too big. Here we need to mow once a week. It didn’t occur to me until we got here that Zeke and Titus have never seen a push mower up close. They’re not thrilled. Zeke sits on the porch and plugs his ears the whole time.
Literally everyone we have met in the last two weeks is “new” to us. We trying to remember names and stories. It’s been interesting to connect dots and try to learn new people. It’s been a while since we’ve moved so maybe we’re a little rusty. It’s kind of like college at K-State all over again. Being willing to turn to the person next to you and shake hands and introduce yourself. I’ve been pleased to watch the boys open up and become more outgoing, and seem even more comfortable with it than I am.
Unpacking isn’t fun no matter where you are.

We are still unpacking boxes of clothes and bathroom stuff. The kitchen (above) is done as is the play room and other major rooms of the house. We’re still trying to figure out where everything goes and what is going to work best for our family. It’s been a challenge to find the best “system” and I’m sure I’ll be tweaking it for months yet. For my type A personality, it’s hard to be patient, especially after having a system that worked well for our family before.
We are adjusting to life here and liking it. We keep reminding ourselves it will take time, but we have been called here by God and know that this is where we’re supposed to be. We know that He is faithful and He will give us what we need to be here.

Auric Blends Review

I recently got the opportunity to review 2 bottles of roll on oil perfume from Auric Blends. I have to say first that I have never tried roll on perfume before, but I have tried the oil blends perfume and never really liked it. I always thought they left my skin feeling greasy and oily, so I was curious how these were going to work.
The cool thing is right after I put it on, my skin felt really soft and smooth. You couldn’t tell I had just put an oil blend perfume on. I was really impressed.
I got 2 scents to try, Lavender Dream and Jasmine. I generally really like the smell of lavender, but know that some don’t, so I was curious if this one was going to smell as strongly as some of the other lavender products I had tried. It didn’t! It left a really light scent, one that you could only smell if you hugged me or maybe after I handed you something and had put some on my wrist. The scent stuck around for quite a while too, but it was never over powering (something I really hate about perfume in general).
I’ve never worn Jasmine before, when I tried it though it made me sneeze. I think it’s just how I react to it because I gave it to a friend of mine and she loves it! I did like the smell though.
Each of the bottles is sized just right for a purse or make up bag.

You can find Auric Blends at the following links…

Perfume Roll Ons

Our classic line of 1/3 ounce, oil based roll on perfumes is our top selling product line. Created with a combination of exotic, imported perfume ingredients from around the globe, each of our hand-blended perfumes are a journey within themselves.
Auric Blends perfume roll ons are enjoyed by millions of people throughout the world. Our oils have been chosen for regional awards, (Majik was voted best love potion by New York Press), and they are adored intensely by our loyal customers and fans. They’ve also been reviewed on makeupalley.com to a grand array of praises.
With 40 fragrances to choose from and collections that range from floral and fruit to oriental and fresh fragrances, you’re certain to find one, or maybe more, favorites!
Would you like to purchase samples of our perfume oils? Click here to view our available sample kits.
I received the above products through Sublime Media Connection in exchange for an honest review. In no way was I asked to give a positive review.

 

Why I'm not losing weight…

And why I’m okay with it.
It’s okay to be a little shocked. We were too. The week after I started my weigh in Wednesday posts, we found out we were pregnant. Looking at this pregnancy from the world’s perspective, this is really terrible timing. We got pregnant right before we moved, right before Kerry started a new job and right before my insurance ran out. But…we trust God for His timing of our children. He can see the future and we can’t, so we know that because it is His timing, it is perfect for our family.
And we are thankful, so very thankful.
I am 9 1/2 weeks this week and I am exhausted. We have been in our new home for a week and a half. We have been busy unpacking and getting settled. The work seems unending and all I want to do is sleep.
As I mentioned before, we got pregnant right before my insurance with my old job ran out (tomorrow to be exact). And since I will be a stay at home mom, we have to buy insurance privately. Kansas though, considers pregnancy a pre-existing condition so no private insurance will cover me. Which leaves two choices…buy COBRA from my old job which is way expensive or go without insurance. We are praying for guidance in this area. If I hadn’t just experienced two losses in the second trimester, I would be less nervous about going without insurance.
I am still looking for a provider. I could drive 4 hours back to Pueblo and see my providers there…but that’s a four hour drive. I don’t really want to just go and stay there for the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy waiting for labor to happen and a 4 hour drive in labor doesn’t sound appealing either. Not to mention my labor with Titus wasn’t exactly a long one. There are no midwives here in Western Kansas and the ones closest (3-4 hours away) won’t drive here. I haven’t had much luck finding a doctor who will “let” me VBAC either, so I’m still searching. I guess it’s okay I don’t have insurance yet because I don’t have anyone who will see me. We’re praying we can find the right person to care for me. God has answered this prayer in the past and we trust He will again.
We are so very thankful to be pregnant again. We are praying that this baby will be born healthy and the pregnancy will be uncomplicated. We know that God has created this little one and He is in control. We pray daily for His provision, His guidance and His protection for our children.
Thank you for praying for us.

Net Talk Duo review and Giveaway

Net Talk Duo Review and Giveaway

I get so frustrated spending lots of money for home phone service, that to be honest we don’t use that often.  This is an alternative to land line phone service, that works at home or on the go. It is an affordable and easy to use VOIP device that can help you save money while still maintaining a home phone.

When I received my Net Talk Duo, I waited a couple days to set it up because we had just moved and I wanted to make sure I had things in order before I did it. First, I had to install a USB driver, which was simple enough. Setting up the account was also simple. I had to select a phone number, but my area was not available. If you don’t need a local number, it shouldn’t be a big deal, for us though it was. With my husband’s line of work, it is important that we have a local number for folks to contact him easily.
I did have a little trouble setting it up. My device was unable to register to the NetTalk network. I use a wireless connection at home, this week I did have a little trouble with the internet (not related to the Net Talk Duo). There is an option of connecting via cable, but I really liked the idea of how “mobile” the Net Talk Duo is so I was hesitant to try it. I decided to put things aside for a bit, thinking it might just be my brain fog interfering with the process. I came back about an hour later and tried again and the phone rang (indicating it’s working) and was ready to use, as it had connected to my wireless connection. I really think it was just me making things more complicated than they needed to be.
After I had the phone ready to use, I called a couple people to test it out, most of the time they couldn’t tell I was talking on something other than my “regular” phone.
The one issue I have had is with dropped calls, it seems that if I am on the phone for longer than 30 minutes my call is dropped, which can be quite frustrating. If you’re a “short and sweet” kind of phone person, you shouldn’t have a problem.
Some of the cool features NetTalk Duo include:
Call Blocking
Call ID Blocking
30 Day Money Back Guarantee
Wi-Fi enabled
Choose a phone number or keep your own
Free local and long distance calling to the U.S. and Canada
Live technical support, 7 days a week
Flat-rate, ultra low-cost international call plans
Free DUO-to-DUO-calls anywhere in the world
Plugs directly into your router or computer
Landline goes anywhere there is Internet
411 directory assistance
Call waiting / caller ID / call forwarding
3-way calling / conference calling
Visual voicemail
Enhanced 911
Fax-friendly
Videophone application
…and more!
Overall, I am pleased with the NetTalk Duo, yes it is frustrating when calls are dropped, but there is a huge potential for savings here. We aren’t to the point where we’ll cancel our home phone service yet simply because we need the local number. But since we do have to pay a decent amount for long distance we could have the option of plugging it in when we want to make a long distance call.  With the NetTalk Duo, you get a FREE year of home phone service after you purchase the device. After the first year, the service is an amazingly low $30 per year. That is seriously a fraction of what we spend on home phone service, and we get all the fancy features!
Oh and for you Android users…Net TALK also has a new and free Android App (works on most Android devices) that provides Free Calling throughout the US and Canada with the option to add low-cost international TALK credits to make calls from anywhere to anywhere in the world (with cell phone / WiFi service) without running up cell phone minutes or roaming charges. Great for traveling and keeping in touch with family and friends abroad! The app is available free at www.nettalk.com and at Google Play.
So, do you want to get this VOIP device? You can buy the device at major retailers such as Target, for less than $70.  I’m also giving one away!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

Two years ago

Two years ago I had one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. It was the day we welcomed Titus into our family. So much has happened in the last two years to our family, and yet I am thankful because those experiences help me appreciate the blessing of my children even more. Two years ago our little guy looked like this…


And today…
He is such a busy boy and a huge blessing to our family. He is very opinionated and not shy about telling us exactly what he thinks. At the same time, he is so tender hearted and works hard to do everything his big brothers do.
Below is the story of his birth I posted a few days after he was born. I am so thankful for the gift that he is.

BIRTH STORY
We have been so blessed with the addition of Titus this past week! I’ve had several people send me messages asking if his homebirth was “on purpose” so I thought I’d write an abbreviated version of our birth story. In short…yes his homebirth was on purpose and it was awesome!
His birth story begins kind of with Gabe’s almost 8 years ago. I had a c-section with him after a failed induction at 37 weeks. With Otto I had a repeat c-section and when it was time for me to have Zeke, my doctor who had initially been VBAC (vaginal birth after a cesarean) friendly changed his mind and threatened to drop me from his practice. I felt very backed into a corner and consented to my 3rd c-section.
When I became pregnant with Titus, I wanted a different outcome and began researching my options and the current research regarding having a 4th c-section to having a VBAMC (VBAmultipleC). The research is limited, but what there is shows that even VBAMC are relatively safe and the risk of uterine rupture (which is the big fear with VBAC) is still less than 1-2%. The current culture in the hospital is not VBAC friendly even after 1 c/s and is definitely not friendly after 2 or more.  So I began researching a homebirth with a midwife, discussing options and research with Kerry and covering each decision with lots of prayer. I would encourage any woman to do her research and pray before making her birth choices. There is a lot out there.
We found a midwife willing to take me as a client, who was also a believer, and began our journey. My pregnancy, like all of them, was uneventful and pretty normal. As part of my care, I saw a chiropractor once a month to help align my pelvis and spine and help position baby correctly. One of the reasons I had a c/s with Gabe was because he was malpositioned, so I wanted to avoid that if at all possible.
We prayed regularly as a family for God to honor our desire to have more children (something that would be really frowned upon after having 4-5 c/s) and our desire for a homebirth. Every time fear would creep in, we’d pray and turn it over to God. He has answered so many prayers along the way!
Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started to get nervous that my body wouldn’t know what to do. It had never been asked to actually “get a baby out”. I was wondering if it would know how to go into labor, how to birth a baby, and would I be strong enough to do it?
The day after my due date I started having a few contractions, but they weren’t terribly uncomfortable or regular, although they felt different from the contractions I’d been having for weeks. We spent the day running errands, I made a quick visit to the chiropractor (just in case this was really it) and napped in the afternoon. My contractions kept coming, but were still irregular and relatively comfortable. I called our midwife a couple of times during the day to update her, but felt like it was going to be a long evening/night if this was the real thing.
That evening about 7pm or so we took a mile(ish) walk around our neighborhood. My contractions were still irregular, but I had to stop a couple of times to let them pass. I was still able to talk through them. Being a L&D nurse, I really wasn’t sure this was going to be it or that it would be any time soon, because nothing was textbook. 🙂
I decided to rest and just hang out that evening and talked to our doula and photographer about 10pm. I talked to her through a contraction and told her I wasn’t sure I’d need her yet, but she could come this way just so she’d be here when I did. Mom and I set up the air mattress in our spare room because I was sure they (the doula) would be sleeping here. I also called the midwife and told her I was still doing fine and I’d have Kerry call when we needed her, but not to worry I thought it was going to be a while still.
I laid down on the couch to get some rest, and had one really big contraction that was quite uncomfortable. But the next couple were manageable again. My water broke about 10:30 and that’s when things got “fun”. Kerry called the midwife to let her know and she said she’d head down. Kerry and I came upstairs to fill the pool (we had set up a little pool in our bedroom for me to labor in) and my contractions started coming much much faster and stronger. Mom and the big boys (Zeke was asleep) were downstairs watching a movie and had no idea things had really picked up.
I spent about 30 minutes in the pool and then walked to the bathroom. Once I was there my contractions were so intense and my mind was racing. Kerry says I was really pretty calm, but in my mind I was going nuts. At one point I told Kerry “I’m hysterical….I can’t be hysterical”. He was so good at keeping me calm and focused. He wasn’t (at least he didn’t act like it) scared or panicked at all. About 10:15 I felt my body pushing and I couldn’t stop. In my head I was sure I wasn’t ready to push and was worried I was going to do something that would make my labor go longer.
At that point, Kerry took the cell phone to mom and asked her to call our midwife to let her know I felt like pushing and to hurry. 🙂 The midwife told me to go ahead and push if I needed to and that she was about 15 minutes away. Mom and Kerry stayed in the bathroom with me and the boys kept watching their movie. Kerry suggested I move to the pool again, because he thought I would be more comfortable and it would be easier to birth there. I made it about two steps before I said “I can’t” and kneeled on the floor.
The next thing I really remember was telling mom and Kerry “there is his head” and to “check for a nuchal cord” (a cord around the neck). He had a loose one that we could easily slip over and the rest of him was born. I was able to put him right on my chest and we covered him with towels  and dried him off, he was pink right away. I think I kept saying “I did it! I did it!” Kerry was so excited, but still very calm and had the presence of mind to grab the camera and take a few pictures.
He asked the big boys if they wanted to come see their brother and they both ran upstairs. Gabe (***note we later found out that Gabe handed the camera off to Otto) took the camera and took pictures, and he did such a good job! About 10 minutes after he was born our midwife came in. The apprentice midwife came about 10 minutes after that. Titus James was born at 11:32pm on 8/26/10. He was direct OP (which means facing up instead of down, the same position Gabe was in), but I truly think prayer, positioning and the care I received made all the difference. He weighed 7lbs 11oz (my second biggest baby) and was 19 3/4 inches long. The rest of the story is pretty “routine” for postpartum, but it just all happened at home which was awesome!
I didn’t really think I would go that quickly in labor, especially since I hadn’t done it before. I was completely surprised by the whole experience, but it was exactly what we needed.
I fully believe in birth choices. I think women should be able to choose when, where and how to give birth. By in large, those choices are being taken away for many reasons. If a woman wants to birth in a hospital, home or birthing center…let her. If she wants to VBAC or schedule a repeat c/s…let her. I often heard after my c/s that what really mattered was a “healthy mom and healthy baby” which is true…but that health also includes mental health. For some women it is mentally and physically the best choice to have another c/s, for others it is the option to have a VBAC.
For me, this time and every time from now on (Lord willing), homebirth will be my choice. I pass no judgement on whomever chooses something different for their birth. It is important that the risks vs benefits are considered for each option and in each case. And for each woman make the decision that is right for her, her family and her baby.
Each birth and each child is special and a blessing however they come. This birth for me though, has been incredibly healing, empowering and faith building. God is good and we are so thankful for His blessings and His faithfulness. I want to add too, how incredibly important it was for me to know that others were praying for me. My midwife, my doula, our families and friends. I believe God honored those prayers and they brought me so much peace and confidence throughout this whole process. He has blessed us many times over!
Praising Him,
Erin