Category: Children

Family Vision — Serve Others

In the last couple of weeks I’ve been writing about our family vision. and the most important part of that vision.
Please keep in mind that in the points that I’ll be including in the coming weeks don’t really occur in a particular order. They are what we feel God has lead us to believe is important for our family. I would encourage you as I write about our family vision to pray about and discuss with your spouse what you family vision should be. Be as specific as possible. Don’t just say what you want, but also why and be sure to explain why to your children.
It is our desire for our children and our family members to learn how to serve others. We want them to learn to serve God first, their siblings, us as parents, and those around them.

Image from Christart.com
Joshua 22:5
5 Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God and walk in all His ways and keep His commandments and hold fast to Him and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
We remind our boys often that we are called to serve God. He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. His son paid the penalty that we all deserve as a result of our sin. We deserve death and life away from God. God can not bear to be in the presence of sin, He hates it. Nothing we can do will “earn” our way back to Him, there is no way we can ever be good enough. But God loves us. So He sent Jesus to pay the penalty of our sin. Once we believe in Him and trust Him as our savior we are assured eternal life in Heaven with our God. Because of this we should want to serve Him.
Serving God means we are obedient to Him and what He has called us to do. It means that we honor one another, we seek to do God’s will and seek to bring glory Him in all we do. Some ways that we teach our boys to serve God include things like
  • Prayerfully considering decisions when it comes to how we spend our money and our time
  • Seek His will before we agree to do something
  • Give God credit for the blessings, talents and abilities He has given us. They are gifts from God.
I was blessed as a mother to see this in action a year ago in my children. Our AWANA club is sponsoring another club in Nepal. The kids are bringing money to send over to the other club to help support their activities and teaching God’s word. One of my children had been eyeing a book about Legos in the store for several weeks. Every time we would go into the store he would walk past the book, slow down, pick it up and sigh. He didn’t quite have enough money to spend on the book. He was saving his money for that book each week, but then we started our adopt-a-club in AWANA. One morning during our devotions, he said “Mom, I really want that book, but I also want to give to adopt-a-club”. We told him he could give his regular giving money (we ask our boys to divide their commissions into give, save, spend) to the club in Nepal, but he wasn’t quite satisfied. “Mom, I really want that book, but I could give my money ($20.00) to adopt-a-club instead…I don’t know what to do”. I told him to pray for discernment about what God would want him to do and to do what he felt led. He prayed everyday that week for guidance. He chose ultimately to give his saved money to Nepal. He chose to serve God with his money rather than himself. It was a big sacrifice for a little boy, but I was pleased he listened to God’s prompting.
Serving others, especially siblings, requires a lot of humility. Our family’s character definition of humility is “RememberingGod is responsible for our successes and achievements and not being prideful orarrogant in my attitude or behavior.” This is tough, even for adults to master. It means that we have to put our own needs aside for the needs of others. We have to be willing to not be prideful.

I Peter 5:5 says “5 You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.”

We encourage serving others, especially siblings, by having the older and younger boys work together at tasks. When a younger brother is having difficulty completing a task, we ask an older brother to help. They don’t take over, they don’t complete the task alone, but they do it alongside one another. This is beneficial in a number of ways in our family. It teaches us to watch for when someone else needs help, it teaches us to jump in and be ready to help as best we can whenever we can, and it demonstrates team work and cooperation. Often times, the older brother will be able to show the younger an easier or more efficient way to complete a task.
Our 2 youngest serving the family by emptying our dryer
One of the things we often have the boys do is go on recon missions for dirty laundry, lost toys, shoes and whatever else we might be looking for. They go in teams and work together. If a little can’t carry his armful of laundry, the big brother can help by picking it up. They get the job done completely and serve together. They’re not only serving each other, but are also serving our family by helping with the laundry. We have a similar system for putting laundry away. A big and little go together to hang up shirts, often the big brother helping re-hang a shirt if it falls of the hanger but they serve together.
Sometime serving means giving rides in the laundry basket
Many mornings the older boys will help by making a younger brother toast or pouring milk on a little guy’s cereal. It’s not always a huge thing, but it helps keep us humble and helps maintain a servant attitude.
Making toast together
Learning how to serve takes time. We can’t just have one lesson in it during our school day and expect it to take hold. It’s something we have to cultivate every day and every moment we’re together. Teaching your children how to serve can be as simple as helping them learn to hold doors open for those around them. It teaches them to be aware of the needs of others and meet those needs. We do it when we don’t want to, when we’re grumpy and when we’re already frustrated. But…we are called to do it. We do it because God asks us to. And as we serve others, we find that we’re blessed as well.
1 Peter 4: 10-11 As each one hasreceived a special gift, employ it in serving oneanother as good stewards of themanifold grace of God. 11 Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is todo so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through JesusChrist, to whom belongs theglory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

 

If teaching your children how to serve is fairly new to your family, I encourage you to start with small things. Tell them why serving is important. Have them help bring in groceries and then praise them for serving their family. Start by teaching them how to sort laundry into piles, then praise them for helping. Often times I’ll say “I’m so thankful you were willing to serve our family, look how helpful you have been!” or “Wow! Daddy did you see how so and so served our family by doing such and such? I’m so blessed to have someone so helpful!”
Another great way to teach you children to serve, is to serve others yourself. Let your kids see you help others and do things for those around you. Let them go with you or even help make a meal for someone in your church. Tell them that you’re making a meal for this family because they could use a little extra help. When you go out to eat as a family, encourage your children to help you clean the table and floor around where you sat. A family with little kids can make quite a mess. Tell them you’re helping clean up because you  don’t want to make more work for someone else or because you want to make the waitress’s job a little easier. We remind our children to leave a place in better condition than what we found it.
In serving others, we are serving God.

Family Vision — Most important

Last week I talked a bit about how our family has developed a vision. Something we are working towards, something that guides our decisions, something that will help us build a legacy for future generations. I encouraged you to start thinking of your vision for your family. What is your purpose as a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or child? How will you impact your family and the generations you will never meet? What is your vision?

The first thing I would tell you in developing a vision is pray. Pray for God’s wisdom, His guidance and His grace and mercy to fill in the gaps where you fall short.  Make it a habit to pray daily for your family, your children and their spouses (even if your kids are still in diapers…they will grow up someday), pray for your grandchildren and their grandchildren. Start to think and pray for beyond what happens this week or next, pray for your future generations.

For our family, the most important thing we want our children, grandchildren and great grandchildren to do is know God and have a relationship with Him. We feel that their coming to know Christ is/should be our first priority. It’s part of the reason we have decided to home school them. We can’t save them, we can’t cajole them into loving God or wanting a relationship with Him. God has to draw them to Himself. It’s a work He does within their hearts…BUT…we can give them the foundation. We can be His tools to plant the seeds, water them, protect them and give them the spiritual food they need to grow. We can’t make our children “sprout” in faith, but we can make sure the soil is ready. It is our number one priority and responsibility as parents. If we succeed in every other area, but fail here it is all for naught.

The first part of our family vision statement reads, we have scriptural references for each point and I will include them as well. :
Every member become a believer saved by gracethrough faith in Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:8-10)

Ephesians 2:8-10

8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which Godprepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
So if our priority is that our children and future generations is that they come to know God, what does that look like? It’s not enough to go to church every Sunday and send them to VBS every summer. That might be part of it, but it won’t give them fertile soil in which to grow.



We open every day at our house after breakfast by reading our Proverb of the day. There are 31 Proverbs, we read whatever number Proverb corresponds to the day on the calendar. Proverbs is a book of wisdom. We discuss the things we’re learning as we read, we talk about how to discern wise vs foolish, how to pick a wife, how to be obedient. We’ve been doing this for some time, and I assure you it never gets boring. We always learn something, no matter how many times we’ve read it. We have the attitude, and have often said…”if you don’t have time for devotions you don’t have time for much else”.

Something we’ve been doing that is relatively “new” to our day is we’re memorizing scripture together as a family. We usually do a whole chapter over the course of several weeks.  We make up actions to go with the verses so they’re easier to remember. Zeke and Titus sit and recite or do the actions they can remember with us. We usually add a new verse every day. We’ll recite what we already know with the actions, we’ll learn the new verse and come up with actions for that verse and repeat it several times. Then we’ll recite the whole passage again ending with our new verse for the day. When you get towards the end of a chapter, it takes a bit to recited the whole thing twice, but it really helps cement it in your brain.

After our Proverb and memory passage, we study a character trait and it’s definition. We study the same trait everyday during that week reciting the definition and talking about what that character trait looks like. There are lots of lists of character traits out there, some are biblically based and some are not. I made a list for our family that we feel incorporates both behaviors and heart attitudes that we want our children to learn. You can view our list here.



Then we pray as a family. Each member takes turns and prays for whatever is on our heart. We pray for the children we sponsor from World Vision and Compassion International. We pray for our family, our brothers and sometimes our dog.

We end our day usually with Daddy reading from the Bible (we’re currently studying James). We also pray as a family at the close of the day. Some evenings we’ll sing…I can plink out the melody for most hymns and it’s fun to hear the boy’s voices raised in praise.
We’re not perfect and don’t have all the answers. This is what we’ve found works for our family and helps us develop the foundation we desire for our children.

But you know what I think…what happens between the bookend Bible reading to our day is just as important. Between our Bible times we strive to LIVE what we’re learning. We try to incorporate our character traits, our Bible passages and their principles into our everyday life. For example, in Matthew 18 it talks about how to appeal to a brother. When the boys are fighting and they come tattle to mom…rather than jumping right in to solve it…I ask them “how are we to appeal to a brother?” They reply “go to him first and talk to him”…”did you do that”…”no”…”why don’t you try that first and then we’ll see what happens”. 9 times out of 10 I don’t hear another peep about “Mom! So and so did this”. Instead I hear the boys talking about how they are going to solve their problem. We talk about forgiveness and practice it (at lot).

It’s not enough to just throw water and fertilizer on the soil, but we have to work it up, we have to get our hands dirty and feel it. It’s the same with our kids. It’s not enough to just “throw” God’s word at them and hope it sticks…we have to practice it. We have to live it out. It’s not enough to have a family vision…but we have to work for it.


Vision

Many businesses and organizations have a vision statement to help outline their goals and “vision” for the future. I wonder though, do you have a vision for the most important organization you belong to? Your family. What are your goals for your family, your children, or your home? What are you working toward each day? Some parents would say “I want my kids to grow up have a good job and be happy”, but is that really the most important goal (should it be)?

A couple of years ago Kerry and I decided to develop a vision statement for our family. We felt like it was necessary to have a clear direction and spell out where we felt God was leading us. Our family vision helps guide our decisions and remind us of our priorities. We have also used our family vision to explain the “why” question behind what we do and the choices we make for our family and children. In the next few weeks I’ll share a piece of our family vision statement and the scripture that we use to support each point. I’ll share how we try to incorporate it into our learning and everyday life. I would encourage you to begin thinking about what your goals are for your marriage, your family and your children. Is it enough to just want them to be happy and have a good job? And think seriously about how you’re going to accomplish those goals, purpose to clearly define the steps you will take. Pray about them, pray for God’s direction and leading, pray for wisdom.

I would also suggest thinking about your grandchildren, great grandchildren and children you will never meet when developing your goals. How will the choices you make now affect those generations to come after you and what impact  could you have on them?

Us vs Them vs In-between

I’ve been working on this post for a while now in my brain. I want to talk about the mommy wars that are happening around us. Why is there this constant battle between stay at home moms, work out of the home moms and anyone who falls in between those two roles? It drives me batty.
I have worked outside of the home and I have recently become a stay at home mom. There are things I liked about both. I can tell you that I am happier now being at home than I ever thought I would be but….there are days when I still miss working in the hospital as a nurse in L&D. But I have learned, for everything there is a season and now is not the season of my life where I need to be outside the home.
When my oldest son was born, I was a full time nursing student. I had him right before Thanksgiving break and went back to school the following Monday, I was fortunate enough that my mom could watch him and would bring him to the school in between classes so that I could feed him. When I graduated he was 6 months old and I went to work full time night shift right after I passed my boards. It wasn’t easy, but I enjoyed my job. It was perhaps made a bit easier for a time because he was watched by family members (I realize not everyone has this luxury), but when I had to put him in childcare…I felt torn. I hated leaving him crying in a room full of children. I hated tearing myself away, seeing pictures of him taken with a sadness in his eyes and worrying about what he was hearing from his providers. I walked in one day shortly after I dropped him off because I was called off due to low census. They weren’t expecting me…and I heard his teacher yelling at another little boy in the hallway. She was yelling at him because he couldn’t pull his overalls down fast enough and had an accident. I walked passed him with tears streaming down his face, wishing I could hold him in my arms and tell him it wasn’t his fault. I picked up my son and never took him back.

My oldest son and I shortly after I graduated nursing school.

I have worked full time outside of the home for the last 10 years in one form or another until we moved this past summer. I never felt defensive about my decision, I never felt like I had to make others moms feel bad because they chose to stay home or work or whatever. The truth is, I envied moms who had the opportunity to stay home. I didn’t like leaving a feverish child in the arms of someone else (even if it was Daddy or Grandma).
When we lived in Pueblo and I was teaching nursing full time I started to feel convicted about working out of the home and being away from my children so much. Kerry was miserable, although he was (and is) a great dad, he got depressed about being home full time. He wanted to provide for his family. And I wanted to be home with my children. I remember driving to clinical rotations at 5:00 am crying and praying to God to find a way for him to work and me to be home. We weren’t financially in a place for that to happen and we felt hopeless. But God (my favorite two word ever), slowly showed us we could do it and I began to cut back at work and Kerry began to work outside out home. We worked hard to pay off a lot of debt in that time as well. God has always provided for our family. And in spring of this last year I quit my full time teaching job. It was freeing! Kerry didn’t have a job and didn’t have any prospects. But I was going to stay home. God has provided employment for him that provides for our family and I still teach part time online. It was an adjustment to be sure. It has been hard for me to make new connections in a new town without working outside the home. The first few weeks we were here I cried because I felt so lonely. There are days I still do. But the truth is, I am delighted to be here. I feel “right” for the first time in years. I keep my nursing license current because one day, I might decide to go back to the hospital…I do miss witnessing mothers bring their babies into the world. For now though, this…right here…right now is where I’m supposed to be and I’m thrilled.
This picture was taken in spring of 2012. The week I wrote my resignation letter.

Here’s my beef though…
What is with all the fighting? I read several blogs and participate in several online forums and there seems to be this constant war between Stay at home moms (SAHM) and work out of the home moms (WOHM). Someone on a blog will post something about her conviction to stay at home and she gets blasted for “wasting her talent” or being “old fashioned” or “judging” others. A WOHM will post a question asking about how to choose a childcare provider or about an issue with childcare and she gets blasted for not “being obedient” to God or ignoring the mandate to “love her children and her husband”. And it gets nasty. Words are not being spoken in love or kindness, instead they belittle and hurt and wound.
Both sides feel like they have Biblical support for their beliefs. SAHM point to Titus 2: 3-5 as the Biblical mandate to stay at home.

Titus 2: 3-5

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

WOHM point to Proverbs 31 to make their case.

Proverbs 31:16

She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.

Proverbs 31: 24

She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.

Proverbs 31:27

She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.

Back and forth the arrows fly between camps. The truth is this…we all want the best for our children. We all love them. We all do what we can and what we know to give them what we think they need. And…we’re not all at the same place in our walk, God is working differently in all of us. Sometimes we can’t see a way out of our current financial, work or life situation. Sometimes our choices (past and present) make it necessary to work. Sometimes we think we’re better people because we work or because we stay home. Sometimes we’re right and sometimes we’re wrong.

What I hope, is that every parent will seriously consider what is best for their family and put thought into why they’re choosing what they are for their children and the results of what those choices are. I wouldn’t want either “side” to just do something because it’s what someone else tells them to do. It has to be a decision made, ideally because of a God given conviction and leading from the Holy Spirit for what is best for their family, not mine, not yours but their family.

One thing I’ve learned is that making others feel lousy for their choices doesn’t change their mind. It makes them dig in their heels and fight for their position…right or wrong. I can tell you it took me years to get to the point where I could quit my job. I praise God for women in my life who showed me that I could be just as valuable at home as I could in the workplace. I’m a huge positive reinforcement person, I love to hear “job well done” I worked hard to please those around me and to be the best at what I did. I can tell you that when you stay at home…”job well done” isn’t uttered often by the little children gathered at your feet. My husband had to learn why it was important to hear it from him and I had to learn that my rewards will come later.

The women who God used to guide me and show me where He wanted me didn’t tell me I was wrong, they didn’t hit me over the head with scripture or even come out and say it most times. They lived it. They lead by example, they shared advice with me and encouraged me when I was upset.

I drives me bonkers that there are even lines drawn in the sand. That moms feel like they have to attack each other. It’s hard enough worrying about your children and their well being. It’s hard enough questioning your own decisions about what food you’re feeding them, books their reading and friends they’re with, without having others question you too.

Here’s the deal…Do I think the best place for me to be is at home? Absolutely. Do I think children are better served when moms are there to take care of them, teach them and guide them? Yep. But am I going to berate a mother who works outside the home and sends her children to childcare? No. When she posts a question asking about childcare or balancing work and family, I will respond with what I would do or encourage her…because I’ve been there. My job is not to be the Holy Spirit and convict, my job is to speak words with love, show with my actions and let God do the convicting and convincing. I can be a resource, a sounding board, provide suggestions and tell other moms how we did it (it did take some sacrifices) but I will not, I refuse, to participate in the mommy war.

Proverbs 31: 26

She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.



Some days aren't perfect, but the blessing of being home is worth it.



Did you know? 2.0

Did you know that…
boys make a bathroom really dirty in a very short amount of time?
Legos can be used effectively as booby traps for robbers (and parents) when spread strategically in the doorway and the hallway? So can Hotwheels, army men and K’nex.
Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would be where I am right now.
When I was growing up I thought I would have 4 children…3 girls and 1 boy? (I still thought I could order them back in the day). I am DELIGHTED with the 4 (#5 pending) boys I have!
When Kerry and I got married (at 19) we wanted 6-8 children. I still remember Pastor Mark sitting across from us looking a bit shocked when we told him that during pre-marital counseling. We would take more than that now and pray God blesses us as He sees fit.
I would much rather stay up late at night and sleep later in the mornings?
I would much rather freeze at a football game than watch an entire basketball game indoors?
I never ever tire at the miracle of birth. I love seeing babies being born, helping mommies give birth and that new baby smell. It is way amazing, every.single.time. I’ll never forget the first baby I saw born, I knew that moment that I had found my “place” in nursing. I miss it terribly, but know that I’m not in that season of life right now. Someday I will go back to helping mamas have babies and witnessing the miracle every day. For now, I’m going to have my babies and marvel at the amazing body God gave me and revel in the blessing of being home with them.
I miss singing in a choir. I miss 4 part harmony.
I worry sometimes that I’m not doing a good enough job building character in my children. That someday they’ll grow up and people will ask “where were their parents?!?”
My children teach me something new everyday. That their personalities are very different from mine (thank goodness!) and they push me to think about things from a different perspective.
I admire people who can quilt, can vegetables, play piano, garden and in general do all the things I wish I could do well.
Kerry painted my parent’s barn to earn enough money to buy my engagement ring.
When I type my blog I’m always secretly afraid someone is going to read it and edit it for grammar and proper punctuation. Seriously, I am. I halfway expect someone to send me a copy of my blog with red marks on it.
I don’t tell those I love, that I love them enough, I don’t say “thank you” enough to those who have made a difference in my life.
Teaching nursing students reminds me of drama performances in highschool. It’s like standing up in front of a bunch of judges and they tell you (on their anonymous evals each semester) exactly what they thought of your performance. I loved drama, the judging not so much.
I am happier than I ever thought I would be staying home with my children. There are things I miss about not working in the hospital, but I know that those things will wait. My children will not.
Sometimes I have a hard time thinking about something non-controversial to write about on my blog so I come up with “did you know…” lists.
 

24 weeks — How much longer?

I think I get asked this every day by one of my children. They are so very anxious to meet their baby brother (as are we) that they ask “how many more weeks?” on a regular basis. 16 weeks (ish) to go. Sometimes it seems so far away and sometimes it seems like time is going quickly.
Everything is going well. I am every so thankful for every kick and wiggle that I feel. I pray, thanking God, often. There are still moments where I am fearful or when I get anxious about what the future holds. So I focus on being thankful for every moment and every gift I’ve been given. I think that was one of the things I under-estimated about loss. The messed up brain stuff. Always waiting for the other shoe to fall or for something to go wrong. I wonder sometimes “Why is it so hard to believe God would give me something good again?” I am working on finding the joy and not being stressed.
So today, I am thankful as we count down the weeks…getting ever closer to meeting this little one God has given us.

Life with boys

After finding out a few weeks ago we were expecting boy #5, we’ve heard lots of “really?!? Another boy?” or “Oh man, do you wish it was a girl?”. The truth is nope I don’t. I would love to have a girl someday, but after two losses in the last 12 months, I am delighted with a healthy baby and Lord willing I will be able to hold him in my arms in spring. I couldn’t be happier with another boy.
Life with boys…It’s an adventure. This past week especially. Here are some things I’ve learned about being the only girl in a house full of boys.

1. Teach them to clean bathrooms early. Once they start potty training, it’s pretty much guaranteed that you will need to clean the bathroom on a fairly frequent basis. At the very least the toilet will need a good wipe down and most likely the floor around it too. So…since I don’t use the facilities standing up I’ve taught the boys how to clean the bathroom. I haven’t cleaned a toilet in the boy’s bathroom for a couple of years. In fact, as part of our life skills day each week, our boys clean their bathroom and at least one other bathroom in our house…and most of the time they do a stand up job (Hehehe). Oh yeah…don’t put the good bathroom rugs in the boy’s bathroom either.
2. Get used to body humor. I don’t think it really matters how much you try to avoid this, but at some point with boys farts, burps and arm toots become really funny. I would, however, recommend limiting it to places other than the dinner table, public gatherings and church.
3. Save money for co-pays. We have learned to just budget for a co-pay each month. With 4 boys, we’ve spent our share of time in urgent care, the orthopedic office and the pediatricians office. By the way…did you know that they don’t put casts on in the peds office any more? They send you to the ortho office…it’s all just a scam if you ask me, but I can’t do anything about it. In the 10 years we’ve had our boys…we’ve had 4 broken arms (two broken arms on two different boys) and a broken nose. I’m pretty sure that the count will only go up from there.
4. It pays to have some dermabond (think super glue for skin) around. If we ran to Urgent care for every thing that needed to be pulled together we’d be very poor. Otto seems to be our “laceration/open wound” kid. We have had to take him for staples a time or two, but for most things the dermabond works just fine. I even used it on myself this last week when I had a run in with the camera. Actually, I was taking the picture and my son had a run in with the camera giving me a gem of a cut and a black eye.
5. I might also suggest being a nurse or at least taking a couple first aid classes. Again…cost savings here is totally worth it. Parenting in general isn’t for sissies and parenting boys makes it doubly true. Being a nurse helps me decide if it’s really something that needs to be seen or just a “rub dirt in it and walk it off” kind of thing.
6. Buy livestock. Seriously. We have purchased a whole cow the last 3 years. We have had just a little left at the end of each year. I can’t imagine what it will be like when these guys get to be teenagers. We already have 2 deep freezers and keep them fairly full. I’m thinking that a future in cattle farming may not be a bad investment…except we’d eat all the profits. Oh yeah…consider purchasing chickens (we go through 5 dozen eggs a month easily), goats (for milk…I hear they’re much easier to milk) and possibly 10 acres for a garden. I so wish our new community allowed you to at least have hens in town…and maybe a dairy cow.
7. Don’t buy expensive jeans or shoes. They wear them out so fast that it doesn’t matter if you spend $50 or $10 on jeans. Crawling around on hands and knees causes the same wear and tear. I promise.
8. Boys are physical. They play and fight and work physically. Everything they do is physical. The throw punches at the same time they’re hugging each other. They jump while they’re counting, folding laundry or eating dinner.
9. They are loving and tender-hearted. Our boys care about each other and other people. They write each other notes, make gifts and generally watch out for one another. Their feelings get hurt, they need reassurance that they’re growing up to be men and they need to know that you’re proud of them. Even though they’re busy…they need hugs and kisses regularly.
10. You will do lot of laundry. I mean lots. It will be muddy, dusty and sometimes slimy. I would suggest making sure you check pockets before you put them in the washer, otherwise you’ll end up with a basin full of rocks, sticks, coins, markers and possibly a small creature that didn’t survive the spin cycle.
11. I wouldn’t trade having boys for anything. We get a lot of comments about having all boys and people are always so astounded when I tell them I would take 10 more even if they’re all boys. I delight in our boys. I delight in their activity, in their energy and in their “boyness”. My boys bring me so much joy. They may be busy and active, but they don’t have me running crazy and they’re not a “disaster” or “trouble” like so many fear. My boys rock.
If I’m ever blessed with a girl…I’d delight in her as well, but it’s not like I’m disappointed that I don’t have a girl yet. If God gives me boys for the rest of my life…I’d be thrilled. I figure if I have all boys that I will get my “daughters” when they get married.
Every child is a gift from God, boy or girl. They each have their own unique personality and I really believe that it’s all in your perspective.

 

Week 19 — It's a…

Healthy baby! We had our sonogram this last week and everything looked good. For that, we are so very thankful for a good report.
I have been feeling the baby move a bit more which is reassuring. I felt the baby move a little later in my pregnancy than my others and it doesn’t happen as often, which had me a bit concerned a couple weeks ago. I found out at my sonogram that I have an anterior placenta, which means it’s on the front side of my uterus, so that serves as a cushion for feeling movement from the baby. I had an anterior placenta with Titus too. One of the big concerns with a placenta on the front and my history of c-sections is that the placenta can grow into the c-section scar, which can be a big problem after the baby is born. Thankfully, the placenta seems well out of the way of the scar and since it will be moving up as my uterus grows, it won’t grow down towards the scar. Whew! Good thing.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what we were having this time, I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. There was no hiding it though when we were watching the sono. This baby is definitely another boy and we are thrilled! When this baby is born we will have 5 boys in our home (and one waiting for us in eternity). I told Kerry that surely the comments we’ll get when we have 5 boys with us won’t be any worse than the ones we get now with 4 boys. One of our sons was a bit disappointed when he found out he was having a brother. He said “But mom! I prayed for a sister!” Once he was assured that a baby brother would want him to hold him as much as a sister would he seemed to be okay. The bigger brothers were both delighted! So now comes the big “name debate” at our house. It is completely likely that this little guy won’t have a name until after he is born. We like to lay eyes on them before we make it official.
I’ve been feeling okay this week, eating is still a challenge. Nothing ever sounds good and I have a really hard time making myself eat. I get hungry, but have a difficult time finding anything appetizing. This is all pretty typical for me. Spicy things generally go down easier, but still it takes a bit of convincing to make me feel like eating.
Here are a few pictures from our sonogram this past week.

18 weeks cravings and a peek

Well, I’ve made it to 18 weeks. I am ever so thankful for each passing day and each week that this baby lives. We pray daily for this little one and his or her health and birth. We thank God for giving us one more day.
We’ve had a rough week at our house this week. We were fighting two different bugs. The boys seemed to deal with the stomach bug and my husband had terrible headaches and fever. I can just tell you that stomach bugs in general aren’t something I handle well, but especially when I’m pregnant. Oh my goodness it was tough. I was thankful most of the time they got sick on a fairly empty stomach and my darling son, knowing how hard it was for me, tried really hard to not get sick around me. He kept apologizing to me for being sick and kept saying “I know it’s hard for you and I don’t want you to get sick.” Leave it to Otto. My heart just went out to him, I reassured him repeatedly that it was okay. Thankfully it appears everyone is on the mend.
Cravings have hit me big time this week. Breakfast is still hard though, nothing ever sounds good first thing in the morning. I hate to admit how many times my breakfast consists of either orange juice or chocolate milk. I just can’t seem to stomach anything else. I generally crave pretty savory kinds of things, like verenika (recipe coming this week). Spicy has been big on my list lately. I was really grateful when someone from church brought over a scalloped potato and ham dish for our family this week. It was really yummy and great with some hot sauce on top. 🙂 The boys are sure that this baby is a boy now because I want spicy food and that’s what I’ve wanted with each of them. I do have to say that I did make some brownies this week. I ate one. Actually I ate a spoonful of dough and then one brownie when they were done. So yeah, sweets aren’t big on my list.
We have a sono this week on Thursday. We are praying that we will see a happy healthy baby. It is hard for me not to be anxious every step of the way with this pregnancy. I pray regularly to give up my fears and that this baby will be healthy. This sono, in a way, seems like a big hurdle for us (for me). The last two sonograms I had were the ones that showed Knox and Lily had died. When I think about the sonogram, I remember what it was like to see those sonograms and the babies that we lost. It’s hard for me not to dwell on the images of empty chests, still babies and the sinking feeling I had each time. It is a daily struggle, sometimes moment by moment. I am thankful for a God who is walking this path with me.
I am still on the fence about whether I want to know if this baby is a boy or girl. We’ve found out with the others, but I’m just not sure I want to know this time. I can’t say why, but I’m just not sure. Kerry definitely wants to know and the boys want to know, in fact they’ve asked several times this week if we will tell them, so we’ll probably find out. I really just want to see a baby with all of his/her parts where they’re supposed to be, growing like he/she is supposed to.
We are thankful for another week. I’m thankful to be feeling bits of movement this week and I am looking forward to our sonogram on Thursday.

16 weeks — Scary

I’m not going to lie…this last week was scary for me. I haven’t made it to 16 weeks with a live baby the last 2 times I’ve been pregnant. As of this week I have spent 45 of the last 60 weeks pregnant and I don’t have a baby here to show for it. I spent three trimesters in the 1st trimester.
This week was, in a way, a milestone for me. I know realistically that there is no magical “safe” point in my pregnancy. I know that every week, every day, every moment is precious. While I *know* that realistically, there is still part of me that hopes that if this week is successful…next week will be do. We have prayed every day for this little baby, our children have prayed every day for this little baby…this child is always on our minds.
This week was scary.
I had a horrible cold. I felt miserable. There is no correlation whatsoever with having a cold and losing a baby, but it’s the thought that popped in to my mind. I hated to take any medication because of the effect it could have on our growing baby…even though I have a list of “safe” medications on my fridge. Every cough, every sneeze and every stuffed up breath I took, though I was worried if my cold was having an effect. There were so many times this week that I had to give up my fears to God…only to pick them back up again and start to fret.
This week was scary.
Then came today. The 16 week mark. The day we listen for the heartbeat. We listened after lunch this afternoon. Kerry was still home and we like to hear the heartbeat together. As the baby gets bigger, it should be easier to hear each week. But today I couldn’t find it. I searched and searched. I tried the other doppler (yes I have two). No matter what angle I held the probe, I couldn’t pick up the baby. My heart sank and I tried not to panic. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend searching because the boys had an art lesson. So I had to put the doppler away, put the little ones to bed for nap and carry on with my day. Kerry left for work and our afternoon and evening carried on. He told me to call an make see if I could make an appointment with an OB doc an hour away (the closest we have). I tried not to worry.
This week was scary.
All afternoon and evening, it was there niggling in the back of my mind. “What if” God makes you go through this again. “What if” you’ve lost this baby? “What if…What if…what if?” I was short tempered with the boys. I was grumpy, worried and starting to get angry. I didn’t want to try listening again with the boys around so I was going to try one more time after they went to sleep, but before Kerry got home. When I was alone and could grieve alone a bit.
I laid down with the boys to help them fall asleep like usual. There in the dark, I held my belly, cried and prayed. I was thankful for the blanket of dark and the fan to drown out the sniffles. Part of me was already grieving, part of me was angry and I begged, I questioned and I planned. I started to think about “what if”. I started in my mind to go through the steps, which doctor I would call for the induction, what would happen and how it would all go again.
I was scared.
The boys were restless tonight. I think they sensed something was up, but no one asked. They finally fell asleep and I stole away to the living room. Found my doppler and prayed. I closed my eyes (like that helps anything) and I listened.
The quick woosh, woosh, woosh of a heartbeat too quick to be my own. I checked my pulse to be sure. 70. I was hearing clearly, loudly 150s. I thanked God.
I breathed for the first time all evening.

Isaiah 41:10
“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”