Author: Erin

Thoughtful Thursday

I have been blessed this week by my children. My kids are the greatest kids on the planet. Really they are. They always have an endless supply of hugs and kisses to help make my day brighter. The stuff that comes out of their mouths cracks me up. They love me just how I am. And they forgive me.

Newflash: I’m not the perfect mom, I’m not the perfect wife and sometimes I have a genuinely rotten day. And I fail miserably. I want my home to be a safe, happy, warm place for my family. When my children look back on growing up and being with mommy I want them to smile and be happy. I hope they do. But this last week I had a bad day. I was short tempered, I yelled and I was just sour. My home was not happy. I had to ask for forgiveness more than once for losing my temper, saying hurtful things and in generally making life way too stressful.

As a side note I’ve noticed that my “bad” days are usually days that I try to cram too much into my day and on days that I try to juggle too many things. I plan on letting some of these things drop in the near future. But I’m working on setting boundaries for work and family. I no longer answer the phone during school time. I even shut it off during our field trip the other day. And I make sure that I spend time with them just playing (something I’ve been neglecting for far too long).

But my children blessed me. They blessed me by being forgiving, still loving me and still wanting to spend time with me. At the end of the day, they all wanted to snuggle up and cuddle on the couch, and we did. I was thankful. Despite my failings as a mother, my children look at me and see a mom they love and they know that even when I have a bad day I still love them and it’s all okay.

I was blessed this last week by my children, despite the muddy floor, dirty clothes, spilt milk and cereal. I was blessed by my kids. I was blessed by their unconditional love and their willingness to accept me as an imperfect mom.

Out of the mud…into the sun

Have you ever had one of those moments when you went “this was so meant for me”?  I had one of those the other morning when doing our morning devotional with the boys. We were reading through the Proverb of the day and came across this passage:

Proverbs 22:24-25 (English Standard Version)

24Make no friendship with a man given to anger,
   nor go with a wrathful man,
25lest you learn his ways
   and entangle yourself in a snare.
Those 2 verses really spoke to me. They hit my right where it hurts in a sense. I have to confess sometimes I like to just stew in being angry. I feel justified to be mean, to be short with those around me and in general just be a big gray cloud over everyone’s head. When I start to get in a funk I like to surround myself with others who are also in a funk. We just sit in our funkiness and sulk.
I was in a funk a few weeks ago. The thing about sulking with others is that when you’re done and you leave them in the mud puddle alone and you hang out again…you realize just how toxic that attitude is. This is where I am. I am out of that rainy cloud and my friends aren’t. There are some of my friends that are never out of it…they are perpetually negative, grumpy and wronged in one way or another. I am seeing and feeling just how weighty that kind of friendship is.
I try to be positive and point out the good side of the situation, but this friend can always find a bit of gloom and dwells on that. She is a real true to life Eeyore.
What to do with Eeyore. What to do? What do I do with myself? I am so thankful that I have hope in Christ and the assurance that God is in control. He holds my future, He knows my heart and hurt. He cares. It is only by His grace that I am ever able to pull out of that funk that sometimes grabs and holds so very tight I wonder if I’ll ever see the sun again. But I do, and God always sees me through. I’ve noticed that when I’m on the other side of my funk I have done the most growing in my relationship with Him and with others.
Back to Eeyore. What do you do with a friend like that? I can find a thousand ways that eeyore can look at life differently, a thousand things to be thankful for and a thousand solutions, but it’s never the right one or one that is agreeable. I think my friend enjoys playing in the mud and being the rain cloud too much. When I’m around her my mood sinks, my outlook darkens and I feel rotten. I’ve seen that attitude spread to others. My Eeyore isn’t just negative and down about everything, but she’s angry. She always feel those around her are out to get her, she looks continuously for a fight or conflict with others. There is always some kind of turmoil and conflict, a reason she can’t work with someone, a reason she doesn’t like someone and a reason she is the victim. It’s tedious and tiring to be around her, but yet I feel the need to be her friend. I feel the need to try to “fix it”, to make it better, to make her happier. (I’m a fixer by nature, by the way). I’m Christopher Robin and she’s Eeyore.
These verses convicted me this last week about the time I spend in conversation with my own Eeyore, the time I spend sulking and participating in that whole “funk” process. I need to make a conscious decision not to be negative and not participate in “Eeyore” behavior. It also means to me that I have to be willing to stop conversation and get out of the mud puddle.  

I feel like a hamster…

Still running. Still suckin’ air. Still hard. That’s it in a nutshell. I’m still running, I have run all but 2 days this last week. It does seem to get easier (although not much more enjoyable); I’m running longer intervals before I walk, running a little faster. But it’s still not easy. J
I feel like a hamster. I run everyday on the treadmill and occasionally outside…running…running…running. And you know what? Just like that little hamster, I’m still chubby. The benefit to keeping me around is that I can cook, you don’t have to clean out my cage each week and I don’t stink (usually).
I’m not losing as much weight as I thought I would be at this point because I’ve had such a sedentary lifestyle lately. I figured exercising a little more often (okay a lot more often) would have better results sooner. So far, I’m holding steady.
I’m feeling better though, I’m eating better. I’ve definitely noticed that I feel like crap when I eat something junky. Like this last weekend….We went to the Wild West Fest in downtown Pueblo. I drank a soda (something I haven’t had for several weeks). I noticed that evening that I felt awful. I just felt like a slug. It could have been the funnel cake too, but still. It’s all junk either way.
I plan to start adding some weights in to my workout. I’m hoping that putting on some more muscle will help me burn calories a little faster. It can’t hurt…For now I’ll just keep plugging along…like the hamster…Running.

Trashman blessings

Recently we were asked during a faculty development exercise to think of the worst customer service we’ve ever received. I’m betting that this comes pretty easy for you. It’s not hard to think of the worst customer service…The guy who wipes his nose and then hands you your money, the customer service rep who is rude or smack their gum. Or the waitress who rolls her eyes when you ask for a refill on water and then never brings it.ever.
What about the best customer service? It usually takes a bit more time to come up with good customer service experiences. I can hear the crickets chirping in the background…
While we’re not all in the customer service business we all have the opportunity to serve others and either heap stress and hurt on someone or bless them with kind words and actions. Think about the last time that you were blessed by someone or hurt. I am going to devote my Thursday posts (at least for the time being) to Thoughtful Thursday. Highlighting how I’ve been blessed or have found ways I can bless others. This is not a “toot my own horn” kind of post, but a post to encourage you to look for ways you can bless others.
I am blessed every Thursday by my trash company. Yes it’s true. Every Thursday the guys for our local trash service bless me and I smile every time I think of them. I have called their office and made them Christmas cookies last year thanking them, but it doesn’t seem quite enough.
Now most people wouldn’t think that trash guys can be a blessing to anyone, but they are to our family. When they pick up our trash, they empty the dumpster like every other trash company. But when they’re done…they bring my dumpster back up to my house and put it next to my garage. Every week. And on those weeks when we’ve forgotten to put it out by the road, they stop, and run up to the house to pull the dumpster down to the road, empty it and return it back to the house.
Some would say they’re just doing their job, but it really is a blessing. Let me remind you that the wind blows all the time in Pueblo. I mean really. All.the.time. So if we have an empty dumpster sitting at the end of our drive in this wind, it takes no time for it to end up in our neighbor’s yard. I would have to walk over there humbly apologizing for my runaway trash can, probably with a baby on my hip and a toddler in tow. But I don’t. My trash guys bring my trash can safely up to my house where it is blocked from the horrible wind.
They keep me from having to run down the street chasing the trash truck like a mad woman trying to get them to come back because we forgot to put it by the road the night before. They come and check it. As a result I don’t have an overflowing can the next week because it didn’t get emptied.
The guy who work on the trash truck always take the time to wave at whichever little boy is standing at the window watching the “big truck” come by. You can’t miss the sound of the trash truck, it’s big, it’s loud and it has a really cool lifter thing on the back. Big loud trucks attract little boys. On Thursdays I have at least one little one who climbs up on the couch, looks out the window and waves at the trash truck. The trash guys always wave back. Always. Let me tell you that makes a kiddo’s day. And seeing a happy excited kid warms a mom’s heart.
So yes, every Thursday my trash guys are a blessing to me. It’s the little stuff that makes a big difference. And they pay attention to the little stuff.
So let me ask you…What about the last time that you were blessed by someone in your life? How can you bless others this week?

Rosfelds by the numbers

I haven’t taken any pictures lately for my wordless Wednesday post, (so much for my plan of taking pictures of the kids each week) so I’m going to give you Rosfelds by the numbers…

Number of family members : 6 (so far) The next question that usually follows is “How many are you going to have” …As many as we’re blessed with. We believe in Jesus-full thinking. (Oh yeah…we’re one of *those* families. I’ll share more about our personal convictions on another post).

Number of times we’ve moved since Kerry and I got married in 2001 : 10

Number of pets : 1 dog and 2 birds currently.

Number of loads of laundry we do per day : at least 3

Loads of dishes : 2 per day

Vehicles owned : 2

Vehicles currently sitting in driveway : 4 (plus 2 at the shop…not all ours).

Gallons of milk per week : 7-8 (half 2% and half skim)

Monthly grocery budget : $375.00

Meals eaten out : 3-4 per month always fast food. 🙂

Legos : too numerous to count, but lots of sets and at least one large rubbermaid tub full.

Instruments played : 4 (flute, drums, trombone, piano — Otto is currently taking lessons).

Jobs held currently : 6 combined. Not including parenting…

Diapers changed : 18-24 per day depending on bowel habits.

Outfits : 8 per day. We have at least two kids make one change of clothes each day which is why we do 3 loads of laundry each day. 🙂

Computers : 2. One desktop and one laptop.

Cookbooks : 40 at least. I like them for recreational reading.

Floors swept : 4 times per day. That’s our goal anyway…

Vacuuming : 2 times a week. If I can feel dirt on my feet when I walk I know it’s time to vacuum.

Pairs of shoes : 35-40. The range is because we can’t always find both shoes at the same time.

Hours of sleep : Kids : 11-12, those napping get 14, Grown ups 6-7

Hugs and Kisses : More than we can count, but never enough.

Cool Running

It’s been a week since I laid it out there and committed to running a 5K on my birthday this year. I promised a check in so here it is…
It didn’t start off well this week. Right after I posted about starting the couch to 5K, things got busy and I didn’t make running a priority. I had a week full of meetings and sitting on my bum…which should have been even more motivation to run. But I never made it a priority and I made excuses…I was too tired, I didn’t have the right shoes, I didn’t have the right shorts, I’d just eaten, I was hungry. You name it I made the excuse not to get off my behind and do it.
I didn’t start running until Saturday night this week. But I’ve done my couch to 5K workout every night since then. I have new running shoes and have found a time during the day that works the best for me to workout. I feel much better than I thought I would. I full expected to die, but I survived. I’m nowhere close to the point where I can say I enjoy it yet, but I’m hopeful that I will.
I’ve burned over 500 calories and ran 7 miles. It certainly makes me view food differently. I know just how hard I have to work to burn off that candy bar, soda, handful of crackers or late evening snack. I have to tell you that most of the time I decide it’s just not worth it to eat.
In searching for some tips and tools to help me get started and keep me going,  I came across this video. It’s great motivation…
http://youtu.be/8SbXgQqbOoU
There’s something to that NIKE slogan…Just do it…no excuses.

Oatmeal Kisses

A friend shared this with me today. It made me cry a bit while holding a baby on my hip and a toddler in my lap.

OATMEAL KISSES

A young mother writes: “I know you’ve written before about the empty-nest syndrome — that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now, I’m up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething; the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you.”

OK. One of these days you’ll explode and shout to the kids, “Why don’t you grow up and act your age?”
…and they will.

OR:

“You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do. And don’t slam the door!”
…and they don’t.

You’ll straighten up the boys’ bedroom neat and tidy — bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you’ll say out loud, “Now I want it to stay this way.”
…and it will.

You’ll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn’t been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you’ll say, “Now, there’s a meal for company.”
…and you’ll eat it alone.

You’ll say: “I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do your hear?”
…and you’ll have it.

No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghtetti.
No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms.
No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps.
No more clothespins under the sofa.
No more playpens to arrange a room around.

No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent
No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathrooms.
No more iron-on-patches, wet, knotted shoestrings, tight boots, or rubber bands for ponytails.
Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it.
No baby sitter for New Year’s Eve.
Washing only once a week.
Seeing a steak that isn’t ground.

Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings.
No car pools.
No blaring radios.
No one washing her hair at 11 o’clock at night.
Having your own roll of Scotch tape.

Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste.
No more sloppy oatmeal kisses.
No more tooth fairy.
No giggles in the dark.
No knees to heal, no responsibility.

Only a voice crying, “Why don’t you grow up?” and the silence echoing,
“I did.”

…Erma Bombeck

Feet to the fire

Just after the first of the year I posted about wanting to lose weight this year. Well…I’ve lost about 8 pounds or so. Not near enough if I want to be at my goal weight by the end of year.
One of the things I struggle with the most in regards to health and weight loss is my exercise. I can portion control pretty well, working on the emotional/stress eating, but I am the most undisciplined person when it comes to exercise.
I’ve decided to set a goal…a serious one…and take Kerry with me.

I am going to run a 5K by my birthday (August 13). That’s about 13 1/2 weeks from today. I don’t have a time goal, my goal at this point is to 1. run and 2. finish. There’s a race in Colorado Springs that day. This is the one I plan on running.

So here’s where you come in…each week on Tuesday I’m going to post my exercise log, weight lost and my overall “how I did”. I also plan on posting some health recipes and other gems I find along the way.
Ask me how I did, make sure I’m doing it, make sure I’m posting and if I don’t…ask. Hold my feet to the fire.
Of course, you’re welcome to join this challenge with me too. I plan on working the C25K plan to get me there.
In the mean time…I think I should start looking for some new running tunes for my ipod…Happy Running.

Stick Em Up!

While the title of this post sounds loaded with fun…it’s not…well…it’s just loaded I guess. It’s about surrender. Whoa! Come back! I lost you there for a second didn’t I? Surrender is a tough thing. For me at least.

I’ve been reading Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray lately. First let me tell you that it’s one of those books that I have to read each sentence twice to make sure I understood what I read. And second I should probably confess that I’m only in the second chapter, but it has me doing some serious thinking. I was so blessed this weekend to have some time for a mini retreat. I told Kerry that I felt like God wanted me to get alone with him, and well…that’s tough to do with 4 little boys. (The post about mommies getting up early for “alone time with God” comes later). So he kept an eye on the kiddos while I went for a cup of coffee and took my Bible and journal to a little coffee shop that was almost deserted. Yes!

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. While we’re not in a place where I can be home full time yet, I find myself balancing work and life at home. It’s something I know lots of moms struggle with. Some by choice and some by necessity. We are continually praying that God will make a way for me to stay home full time soon. It’s where my heart is. Which brings me back to surrender. I’m going to be totally transparent here…I struggle to fully embrace what God has called me to be as a wife and mother. I want to, but my human-ness pulls me in another direction.

First of all…I like praise. I like to be told job well done, I like to feel useful and know that people rely on me to get the job done. I like to feel invaluable. I like to blame it on the fact that I’m a first born and I got praised for just about everything I did when I was a kid…but in reality it’s my sinful nature. Ouch. When I go back and read that last paragraph it sure sounds self serving doesn’t it? Well guess what? It is. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing with being told you’ve done a good job or wanting to do a good job. But when that praise becomes your motivation for doing something…you’ve got a problem. (I should say I’ve got a problem).

As I sat there sipping my coffee and thinking about my need for praise it hit me…I can’t rely on me, I can’t worship myself or expect others to. Call me a slow learner. I will fail to live up to mine (and other’s) expectations every single time. If I judge myself by human standards when will I be good enough, smart enough or giving enough? The world doesn’t value me like God does. In fact, they’ll keep taking what I can give without regard to me as a person. But how do I let that go? Wanna hear something really convicting? Galations 1:10…10For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.

Surrender.

Serve God not man (and not myself). My actions, thoughts, and words should point to God and not to me. Embrace what God has called me to be as a wife and mother. So I’ve begun studying just what that is. What  I’m to do scripturally. I’ve heard it all before, but have never really taken the time to study it for myself.

I plan to share my thoughts here and with you in the hopes that we can be on this journey together and that I can learn from you and you from me…both of us learning from God. I will be brutally honest and transparent (something else I struggle with) so be gentle. 🙂