Disappointed

I was so close to a dream this week I could taste it. I’m a dreamer by nature so it’s not hard for me to get caught up in the planning and visioning of what could be if only…
I’m usually pretty guarded though. I’ve learned that dreamers sometimes get disappointed (okay a lot of times). I’ve learned to temper my dreaming. Keep it far off in the distance and not let it run too wild.
But this one…this one was so close. I imagined what if, I imagined our family there…growing up…growing old. It took off before I could reign it in. And I let it. I let it carry me over the possibilities.
And I crashed today. Hard.
It’s been tough for me to not throw a temper tantrum, and honestly I have. I’ve been near in tears numerous times. I’ve struggled against spewing dreadful things at my family so instead I’ve been quiet and sullen. Short with my words for fear anger and disappointment would spill over or worse yet…I’d end up in a puddle if years like a two year old.
Sometimes dreams are fun, sometimes they happen, and sometimes they don’t happen. For me, today it’s a bitter pill to swallow. And I am disappointed.
 

How's your serve?

This past Sunday we heard a message on Volunteering within the church. Serving each other.
Sure, we always need more volunteers, more hands to help “do church” and more people willing to step up. But there are lots of reasons (see excuses) that we don’t step up to serve within the church.
The thing is this…we are all called to serve. Every last one of us, whether we really want to or not.
Joshua 22:5

5 Only be very careful to observe the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the LORD commanded you, to love the LORD your God and walk in all His ways and keep His commandments and hold fast to Him and serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.”
We are called to serve God. He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Jesus paid the penalty (death) that we all deserve as a result of our sin. We deserve death and life away from God. God can not bear to be in the presence of sin. He hates it. And nothing we can do will “earn” our way back into His presence. There is no way we can ever be good enough. But God loves us, so He sent Jesus to pay the penalty of our sin. Once we believe in Him and trust Him as our savior we are assured eternal life in Heaven with our God. Because of this wonderful sacrifice we should want to serve Him and those around us. Serving God means we are obedient to Him and what He has called us to do. It means we honor one another, we seek to do God’s will and seek to bring Him glory in all we do.
The Bible lists lots of spiritual gifts, but the one thing we are all called to do is to serve. It’s not optional. This can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes. We all may have a different gift, but sometimes those gifts are big labels we hide behind. We don’t want to serve in a certain ministry or with a specific group of people because we don’t think it’s our “gift”. Are some people better teachers than others…probably, but does that mean we shouldn’t try or be willing to step up and try to learn or even help? Definitely not.
I’ve been pondering lately why people are hesitant to serve within the church or community. I think one of the reasons is that we don’t know how or where to serve. There’s this thing in church…it’s the untrue belief that those who are coming to church have it all figured out, life is all roses and we don’t need help with anything. Let me tell you nothing is further from the truth. Every person sitting in church has problems, most of us have a colorful or at least semi-colorful past and none of us have life figured out. But it’s this belief that we’re supposed to have it down that keeps us from telling others when we need something. The truth is though, when we’re unwilling to ask for help, when we’re unwilling to be real with those around us…we are robbing others of the opportunity to serve us and we’re missing a blessing. We’re too busy being proud. So we need to be willing to ask for help and we also need to be willing to look around for ways to serve those around us. Keeping our heads up, our ears open and our mouths shut helps us find ways to serve others. We hear someone say that they’re going on vacation for a week…can we serve them by mowing their lawn while they’re gone? Look around…there are lots of places to serve.

Another reason we’re hesitant to serve is we’re afraid. We’re afraid of what someone else might think of us. When we’re serving God, what man thinks should mean very little to us but let’s be honest…we’re all a little afraid of what everyone around us thinks. When I first started playing drums in worship band I was paralyzed by this fear. Could I play drums? Yes. Was I the best? No, but I could do it. Did I like playing? Yep. But why then, did I not want to play on Sunday morning, why did I nearly faint from panic for the first several months I played? Because I was afraid…I was afraid that I would mess up that I wouldn’t hold the beat and that people would talk. I was afraid of what the worship leader was going to think of me and what the congregation was going to think of me. It wasn’t until several months in to it and I’d messed up a couple times (which I totally agonized over for the rest of the week) that I realized what they thought didn’t really matter. I was going to do my best, but I wasn’t there for them. I was there because I had a talent that God had given me, our church had a need and I was called to serve. And better yet, even though I’d messed up, my church still loved me. They didn’t even bat an eye really…we might have gotten a little off beat but we made it through and no one disowned me.

And I’ll tell you, those fears are from satan. He wants nothing more than to keep you from serving your church, your community and those around you. It’s sinful to succumb to that fear and to let it keep you from being obedient to Christ.
Perhaps the most touchy reason we don’t want to serve is because we are too caught up in our own self to be of much service to anyone else. We are selfish, we like to think of how others should be serving us, how uncomfortable serving others might make us and to be honest we are too proud to really do it.
Sometime we think a job is beneath us. I don’t know very many people who enjoy scrubbing toilets, changing diapers or even mowing the lawn. But all of these things can be ways we serve each other. Is there a spiritual gift named in the Bible for changing diapers? No. But I will tell you, to the mother who is able to sit in worship because someone else is willing to care for her children for an hour, it is a gift. A few weeks ago, someone served me in the most unglorious way I can think of. Titus got sick and barfed at the end of the buffet line during a fellowship meal. I was holding Zeb and chatting with someone and had no idea what happened. By the time Gabe came to get me and let me know, one of the fathers in church had cleaned up after Titus and scrubbed the carpet. I was humbled (and embarrassed). The dad was most gracious and willing to serve our family in that way. And I’ll tell you it wasn’t the first time someone willingly, and believe it or not, cheerfully cleaned up after one of our children got sick in church.
Sometimes we just don’t want to serve others (insert two year old whiny voice here). Tough. I went to church with a lady who didn’t particularly enjoy leading children’s worship. She enjoys kids but she doesn’t really dig serving in this way, but she does it anyway and the children are none the wiser. She does it because she has the ability and she is being obedient to God’s call to serve. She puts on a smile and teaches every couple of months. And her smile isn’t fake, it is real because she is cheerfully serving God and not man.
When I used to sing on worship team there were some weeks that I didn’t care for a song or two we were singing. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing it but rather I didn’t care for it, it wasn’t my style. But I also knew there was a lady in our congregation that really enjoyed the song. It was one of her favorites. So we sang it. We were able, we were called and we were obedient. Had we decided to avoid singing it because we didn’t care for it we would have been selfish and would have denied her ability to be blessed by worship that morning. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and choose to serve how God calls us to serve and not how we would rather do it. We should joyfully serve Him and look for ways to bless others…even if it’s on our “less than desirable” list.
Serving isn’t just about doing stuff, it’s about ministering to one another. It requires us to be humble. We have to be willing to swallow our pride, serve where, when and how we are able. Serving isn’t about getting glory and recognition for ourselves, it’s about bringing glory to God. I think you can glorify God by cleaning toilets as easily as you can by feeding the poor.
Service to others is a part of loving one another within and outside of the church. It’s part of building relationships with others. We are much more likely to have a genuine relationship with someone when we are willing to serve them and look for ways to do so.
Learning how to serve takes time. We can’t just have one lesson on it during a sermon, or Sunday school or even during Life group and expect it to take hold. It’s something we have to cultivate every day and every moment we’re together. Teaching your children how to serve can be as simple as helping them learn to hold doors open for those around them. It teaches them to be aware of the needs of others and meet those needs. We do it when we don’t want to, when we’re grumpy and when we’re already frustrated. But…we are called to do it. We do it because God asks us to. And as we serve others, we find that we’re blessed as well.

So I would challenge you…how can you serve those around you? Are you listening to what people are saying about where their needs are? Do you have the ability to do something to serve others, even if it’s something you’re not thrilled about doing? The question really is…How’s your serve these days?

 

Song for a 5th child

As I sit here staring out of my dirty windows across the dusty sills I rock my long awaited 5th son. I could lay him down and get something done while the older boys are out helping dad. I could dust frantically ahead of the coming wind, that will undo it all. I could bake bread or fold laundry, but instead I sit rocking. Holding my son and sneaking kisses on his head velvet soft. After all, babies don’t keep.
Song for a Fifth Child
by Ruth Hulburt Hamilton
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

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Family Vision — Humble

Teaching humility is tough. It’s tough to learn, even as adults.
In our house the definition of humility is “Remembering God is responsible for our successes and achievements and not being prideful or arrogant in my attitude or behavior.”

Being humble means being willing to serve others, being willing to submit to their will, but also being willing to do things for other people WITHOUT recognition. Most of us like to be told how great we are, how helpful we are and how much we are needed. In reality though, being humble means we still work our hardest for God and those around us without recognition. We do it simply to glorify our God. Not ourselves.

Ephesians 2:8-10 reminds us: 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

We’re saved by grace through faith and not our works. Our works, the good stuff we do, comes out of a desire to be obedient and show our love for Christ, not because it is what saves us. If what brought us into heaven was the stuff we did here on earth…1. none of us would get there because we can’t ever be “good” enough and 2. God wouldn’t get the glory. So one of the reasons we teach humility in our home is to remember that without God we can never achieve the standard high enough to “earn” our way into heaven.

1 Peter 5:5 5 You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.

Humility also involves being subject to those around us. When we are humble, nothing is “beneath” us when it comes to serving others. I often think of this when I’m teaching my nursing students. There are some in the healthcare community that think once they become a nurse, EMT or doctor they don’t have to provide certain care to their patients because it is “beneath” them. I’ve heard more than one nurse say “I didn’t go to nursing school to give baths all day” or doctors say “I didn’t go to medical school to hold a puke bucket”. As a nurse, mother and wife, I never ask someone to do something I wouldn’t be willing to do myself. It shouldn’t matter what we’re doing when we’re serving, if we’re humble nothing is beneath us. We will willingly serve, without recognition, without disgust and with joy.

The second reason we teach humility in our home is tied closely with the “serving” part of our family vision. In a family, and in society, we need to be willing to humble ourselves and serve others. Nothing is beneath us. We are never too good to serve others. So often today, people want to just throw money or a program at a problem instead of getting their hands dirty. Sometimes we just need to hold a hand, clean a wound, or give a hug. It’s so much more personal and humbling to touch. Jesus didn’t shy away from the “untouchables” in His day. He dined with them. He touched them to heal them. Very few times did Jesus not humble himself enough to touch the person in front of Him. He is to be our example.

Luke 22:27 27 For who is greater, the one who reclines at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who reclines at the table? But I am among you as the one who serves.

So how do we teach humility? It looks very similar to how we teach our children to serve. We do it. We demonstrate it. Something we do often when we go out to eat is clean up our floor around our table when we’ve finished. Even mom and dad will help pick up food the baby has spilled or napkins that have been dropped. We encourage big brothers to help little brothers put on shoes and socks or jackets. Opening doors (a lost art these days) is one of the first things we teach our sons to do for others. They learn to let others go first even if it means they have to stand in the wind, they learn to be last. They learn humility.
Lest you think we don’t praise them for anything, there is a lot of praise that happens at our house. But I doubt it looks like the praise we see on TV or even in society most of the time. We praise them for being willing to serve, we praise them for character not performance.

Humility.
Philippians 2: 3-8
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. 8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

16 weeks — Scary

I’m not going to lie…this last week was scary for me. I haven’t made it to 16 weeks with a live baby the last 2 times I’ve been pregnant. As of this week I have spent 45 of the last 60 weeks pregnant and I don’t have a baby here to show for it. I spent three trimesters in the 1st trimester.
This week was, in a way, a milestone for me. I know realistically that there is no magical “safe” point in my pregnancy. I know that every week, every day, every moment is precious. While I *know* that realistically, there is still part of me that hopes that if this week is successful…next week will be do. We have prayed every day for this little baby, our children have prayed every day for this little baby…this child is always on our minds.
This week was scary.
I had a horrible cold. I felt miserable. There is no correlation whatsoever with having a cold and losing a baby, but it’s the thought that popped in to my mind. I hated to take any medication because of the effect it could have on our growing baby…even though I have a list of “safe” medications on my fridge. Every cough, every sneeze and every stuffed up breath I took, though I was worried if my cold was having an effect. There were so many times this week that I had to give up my fears to God…only to pick them back up again and start to fret.
This week was scary.
Then came today. The 16 week mark. The day we listen for the heartbeat. We listened after lunch this afternoon. Kerry was still home and we like to hear the heartbeat together. As the baby gets bigger, it should be easier to hear each week. But today I couldn’t find it. I searched and searched. I tried the other doppler (yes I have two). No matter what angle I held the probe, I couldn’t pick up the baby. My heart sank and I tried not to panic. I didn’t have a lot of time to spend searching because the boys had an art lesson. So I had to put the doppler away, put the little ones to bed for nap and carry on with my day. Kerry left for work and our afternoon and evening carried on. He told me to call an make see if I could make an appointment with an OB doc an hour away (the closest we have). I tried not to worry.
This week was scary.
All afternoon and evening, it was there niggling in the back of my mind. “What if” God makes you go through this again. “What if” you’ve lost this baby? “What if…What if…what if?” I was short tempered with the boys. I was grumpy, worried and starting to get angry. I didn’t want to try listening again with the boys around so I was going to try one more time after they went to sleep, but before Kerry got home. When I was alone and could grieve alone a bit.
I laid down with the boys to help them fall asleep like usual. There in the dark, I held my belly, cried and prayed. I was thankful for the blanket of dark and the fan to drown out the sniffles. Part of me was already grieving, part of me was angry and I begged, I questioned and I planned. I started to think about “what if”. I started in my mind to go through the steps, which doctor I would call for the induction, what would happen and how it would all go again.
I was scared.
The boys were restless tonight. I think they sensed something was up, but no one asked. They finally fell asleep and I stole away to the living room. Found my doppler and prayed. I closed my eyes (like that helps anything) and I listened.
The quick woosh, woosh, woosh of a heartbeat too quick to be my own. I checked my pulse to be sure. 70. I was hearing clearly, loudly 150s. I thanked God.
I breathed for the first time all evening.

Isaiah 41:10
“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Eraselet Review and an Update!

This is my original review but I have an update at the bottom!
When I had the opportunity to review the Eraselet from http://www.eraselet.com/, I had 2 thoughts. My first was “Is this thing going to work?” and second “Are my kids going to like them?” The answer to both is absolutely yes!
It seems like we’re always losing erasers on school days with the boys. Either they get pulled out of the mechanical pencils, broken off or chewed away and they’re constantly scratching out their mistakes. It makes their papers hard to read. And when we do find erasers…a fight often breaks out about who it belongs to.
Eraselets solve both of these problems. They are worn on the wrist so they don’t get lost and better yet, I gave each of my boys a different color, so it was easy to tell which boy it belonged. to.

The Eraselets came packaged like this. I have 4 boys ages 9, 7, 3, and almost 2, they each picked one and were set for the day. The two youngest really just liked wearing them and thought it was fun to stretch them and make the animals look funny. The cool thing about Eraselets is that they really can take a lot of stretching, in fact, my boys have yet to break one and they really worked them over! I was surprised because they’re actually quite thin and I was worried they would snap and break before the day was over.

Eraselets come in a variety of colors and styles. You can even customize them to use for a school fundraiser, boost school spirit or advertising campaign for your business.

The two oldest boys thought the Eraselet was the coolest thing they’ve used for school. My oldest son said “Mom! Do we get to keep these? These are going to be great for school!” And my second son said “Now I don’t have to hide my erasers from my brothers.”

They’re fairly easy to use for my two older guys. You just pull the Eraselet and hold it between your thumb and index finger and erase. They proved to be a bit more difficult for the 3 year old to use, but it seemed to work better if he took the Eraselet off first.

One of the other things I really like about this company is that the product is made in the USA. Our family loves to support companies who are providing jobs to Americans when they need it most. So I was super pleased to find out that Eraselet is committed to keeping jobs here.

Another cool thing about this company is that they give a portion of their profits to help “erase” hunger around the world and has partnered with several organizations such as Beautiful Feet Global Outreach. You can also visit http://www.eraseworldhunger.org to find out more about how they’re working to erase world hunger.

Overall, our family has been delighted with the Eraselet. It was so neat to see how quickly the boys embraced them and how well they worked. They didn’t smear or smudge the pencil marks. To top it off they are reasonably priced at less than a dollar a bracelet. They’re definitely going on our “homeschool supply” list this fall.

***Update*** We’re still using these at our house and the boys still think they’re just as cool as when we first got them. I’ll often see them just wearing them for fun even on “non-school” days. These are really reasonably priced and would make great stocking stuffers for Christmas or even to put in an Operation Christmas Child box.


I received the above products through Sublime Media Connection in exchange for an honest review. In no way was I asked to give a positive review.

Connection

This last week Kerry and I went to a pastor’s get together for 3 days. We met lots of new people (well…everyone has been *new* to us in the last month or so). It was refreshing…and surprising.
It felt so good to connect with other families who have been where we are. Who have relocated their families, taken on pastorates in unfamiliar places and tackled tough stuff. We were joking about how we were probably going to be the only “weirdos” (ie family with lots of kids and homeschooling) at the event. Funny thing…everyone started introducing themselves and we heard “we have 4 kids and we homeschool” or “we have 5 kids and we also homeschool”. I felt myself feeling more comfortable and connected with those sitting around me. I was thankful.
I hadn’t realized how much I have missed, in just the 4 weeks we’ve been gone from Pueblo, the connection with others. Adjusting to being a full time stay at home mom, Kerry working outside the home and being in a new community and church has been harder than I expected. It’s been lonelier than I thought it would be (there I said it, something hard for me to admit). We’ve been very “busy” but it still feels very alone sometimes. Being able to sit, laugh and talk with other moms and wives felt good. I told Kerry on the way home that the the fellowship probably did me more good than listening to the speaker.
This weekend also made me realize other “connections” we share, some happy and some sad. As I near my “mark” with this pregnancy, the weeks where I lost Lily and Knox there are moments when I start to get anxious. I try not to worry, I pray and I trust, but there are moments when it creeps in. I’ve also started to show a bit more this week so Kerry and I decided to announce our pregnancy to a group of strangers when we introduced ourselves the first night. (In truth, it felt good to say it and to not have everyone wonder if I was really *that* fat). But in our down time, for whatever reason, I found myself in the middle of a conversation about the babies I lost and the baby that we are expecting. I shared our story surrounded by women I had just met, women who cared for me when they barely knew me. They prayed for me and I felt loved.
The surprising part for me, though was as the next two days unfolded, the mothers and fathers who came to Kerry and I and talked about their own losses. The grief and hurt they suffered. I stood there, I was so grateful that they shared with us. I was grateful to hear the stories of how God had carried their families through and delighted in the joy they experienced when they were able to welcome a healthy baby after their losses. In the evening I sat and prayed for each of them. I was astounded at the thread of grief that connected so many of us, but also the grace and the blessing God has given. I didn’t have words of comfort, words of wisdom or explanation, but I had words of a parent who has walked that trail too. It was a time to remember and connect in a way that I don’t think any of us would have expected at the beginning.
I have been thinking lately about the connections we left behind, the ones we’ve made and the ones to come. I’ve been thinking about the threads that tie us together with those around us. It is a beautiful thing that God is making, weaving our lives together through events that often make us feel so alone, but He ties it together to make something glorious.

I wonder

After losing 4 babies, 2 of them in the last 6 months, I wonder.
I wonder if I get pregnant again and if I get to carry that baby to term…if I will complain. I have wanted so desperately with my last 2 pregnancies to hold my precious children, I have longed to go to them in the night and snuggle them close. So I wonder…will I embrace it for the blessing it is? Will I begrudge the loss of sleep, the fatigue, the frustration?
i wonder, after spending 30 weeks in the first trimester, if I’m blessed again to become pregnant…will I pray for the nausea to go away? Will I gripe about not being able to eat or the feeling of constant motion? Or will I be thankful that I am carrying and growing a child?
I wonder too, at times, if I will ever be able to experience those things again. I wonder if my first home birth will be my last…my only. I am so very thankful that my very dear friend talked me into taking pregnancy pictures. 2 years ago I was big and pregnant and thought “this is old hat…there will be others…why take pictures?” But…2 years later…2 pregnancies…2 deaths…2 empty arms later and I am so very grateful for those moments captured.
I wonder what lies ahead for me and my family. I wonder if Zeke will ever get his baby sister that he prays for almost every day. I wonder if Otto will be able to talk to and tell stories to another baby in my womb. I wonder if I’ll be able to feel those first flutters for longer than a few days, if I’ll be able to experience labor and anticipate the birth of my child rather than dread what lies ahead. I wonder how God will use my children, my grief, our story for His glory.
I pray often about what lies ahead and I wonder.

Her name

Long ago in a world far far away, when Kerry and I were dating we picked baby names. We knew we were getting married, we hoped for children and we had a long drive back to Manhattan from visiting home. The wedding planning was done, so we talked baby names.
We were married when we were 19 and our first son was born 17 months later in November. We used the first boy name we had on our list. Gabriel David was born on November 22, 2002. He was born 3 weeks early because I had a pregnancy induced rash that was miserable! He weighed 7 lbs 1 oz and was 20 3/4 inches long.

Two years and a day later our second son Otto Daniel was born on November 23, 2004. We took a little longer picking his name, in fact we hadn’t decided completely on it until the night before he was born. He was much smaller than Gabe at 6lbs 9oz and 17 1/2 inches long (our nurse and sister Kristi measured him 3 times to be sure). As our siblings got married and had children we hoped they wouldn’t us our girl name. In fact, I think it was kind of an unwritten rule that this name was “ours”…don’t touch it. 🙂

On November 19, 2008 we welcomed our 3rd son Ezekiel Jackson. He was our first “non-Kansas” baby and also our biggest at 8lbs 6 oz. After 4 years of not having an infant, we were delighted to be back in this stage of babyhood again.

Titus James is our “odd ball” not being born in November. He was born August 26, 2010 at home before the midwife got here. He weighed 7lbs 11oz and was 20 inches long. He had the most hair of all my boys. I should point out that ever since Gabe was born, Kerry had been waiting and wanting to use the name Titus. I joke I consented because I was running out of ideas after the first 3.

On December 3, 2011 we had another son, Knox Cornelius. We were blessed to be pregnant with him for 15 weeks. We anticipate the day we get to meet him when we go to Heaven. I have lost 2 other children early on in my pregnancy, one in October of 2003 and one on November 15, 2009.

After waiting for over 10 (almost 11) years we will get to use our girl name. Our daughter’s name has special meaning to us. She will be named after Kerry’s Grandma Plett who died in Spring of 2007. She was a special lady and had such faith. We celebrate her and the legacy she and Grandpa Plett passed on in their family. The love, faith and trust in God. The love shared. Our daughter’s first name will be Lillian. I should note here, that we generally do not share names before our babies are born simply because we don’t want to invite commentary. However, we want to share her name now so that you can pray along with us for our daughter by name.
Her middle name will be Faith. We have relied on God for this baby, we have trusted Him and we have praised Him. We rejoice, but with the diagnosis we received this week I find myself needing the faith so much more. Faith that God will help us navigate this path, faith that He won’t bring us to anything we can’t handle.

God is faithful, He will do what He says He will do, He will be with us every step of the way. I trust that God has a purpose for this journey, even if I don’t know why. I know that God has knit this baby together in my womb for our family. He created our daughter for us to care for and love, for however long that may be. I still struggle with fear about what lies ahead for us, I still struggle to understand, but I have to give each of those things to Him. He knows and He helps.
Thank you God for our daughter Lillian Faith.

How you can pray for Lillian today:

  • Pray that she will be born alive and at term (in November)

  • Pray that she will have a healthy heart and won’t have any heart defects

  • Pray for peace and understanding for me

  • Pray for wisdom for the doctors

Lamentations 3: 19-26

19 Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.

20 Surely my soul remembers

And is bowed down within me.

21 This I recall to my mind,

Therefore I have hope.

22 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,

For His compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“Therefore I have hope in Him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,

To the person who seeks Him.

26 It is good that he waits silently

For the salvation of the Lord.

Five Minute Friday — Real

For some reason this didn’t post like it was supposed to on Friday. So here it is again…
When last did you write for fun?
Not to impress anyone, not for blog hits or comments or Pinterest pins?
When last did you just write?
On Fridays over here a group of people who love to go all out buck wild for the fun of the written word gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
If you have writer’s block – we have the cure <—click to tweet this!

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.
OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Real…

Being “real” with others is so difficult. I have learned to put up walls to keep from being hurt, feeling vulnerable and being different. I was thinking tonight on my way home, how much more I’ve learned to put up walls as I’ve been teaching and as a wife in the ministry.
There is always a barrier there, I never quite reveal who I am completely. It’s a protective mechanism really, but it leaves me feeling isolated and like I’m never able to be quite who I am. I’m always on guard, always protecting myself and keeping my fences up.
Real means being okay with not being liked all the time, with putting yourself out there and being okay with the messiness of life. Being real means you’re not so focused on yourself that you forget to ask how the person you’re talking to is doing. Sometimes it means smudging your make up and hugging someone else. Real is comfort with who you are and who God made you to be.
Real doesn’t change who you are, it embraces who you were created to be. Real is a scary place to be, it isn’t easy and it’s a process. Sometimes a long one. For me, it means editing less and writing more. It means being willing to share, listen and just be. Real is praising God for the person He created me to be and striving to be everything He desires.