Picky picky

I have picky eaters in my family. In fact, as we speak one of my older children has been sitting at the table for the last hour and half trying to choke down his dinner. I’m at a loss. I don’t want to raise my children to be ungrateful for the food they’ve been given or to be wasteful. We want them to be appreciative of the person making the food.  But this is the second time this week we’ve had this struggle.

We have tried a number of strategies when it comes to eating. We’ve tried taking away snack and dessert after supper if you don’t finish, or at the very least eat as many bites as you are years old. We’ve tried taking away privileges, or sitting at the table until said amount has been eaten, there were nights we sat at the table until bedtime.

So for the last year or so we’ve had a “veto” rule in our house. Every member gets one veto food. That means they don’t have to eat it if mom makes it. They don’t get to complain about how it smells, or that they hate it, or that everyone else is eating it and it’s grossing them out. They just don’t have to eat it. The veto food can’t change, except for once a year on their birthday. Otherwise, we’d have a new veto food every week. Our current veto foods are Mom: Carrots (I was made to eat them as a child, but have never liked them, I do eat them once a year just to make sure). Gabe: Green beans, Otto: Verenika, Zeke : Onions (although he’ll eat them if he doesn’t know they’re in something), Titus: We haven’t found anything he won’t really eat yet. Dad eats everything even if he doesn’t like it so he doesn’t have a veto food.

The veto system has cut down on the number of struggles we have at dinner time about what to eat and the expectations when we’re eating, BUT it hasn’t ended them completely.

For the record we don’t make them eat everything on their plates, at minimum they eat as many bites as they are years old and I don’t make wild exotic foods that no one would like. I make regular stuff like fajitas, stir fry, chicken casseroles and grilled cheese.

I don’t want them to be served a dinner that someone (me, dad, grandma or future wife etc) worked hard to prepare and turn their nose up at it and then ask for a peanut butter sandwich. Not only that but I don’t want to raise a kid who only eats 3 foods by the time they’re 20. I mean seriously did you see the article about the girl who only eats chicken nuggets?

I also don’t do the “if they don’t eat they go hungry” stuff either. Something about it just doesn’t sit right with me.”They” say you have to introduce foods 21 times before kids acquire a taste for them. But I’m not sure I believe “them”. I’m really not sure what the solution is here or even if there is one.

So what are your solutions for picky eaters? I need suggestions.

Household organization — The kid stuff

Yesterday I outlined what I do each day and how I organized my chores and plans. I take a similar approach to setting out what the boys do each day. I first wrote out what I wanted them to do each morning between breakfast and lunch, lunch and supper and supper and bedtime. I tried to alternate the completion of some tasks like loading and unloading the dishwasher . There are some tasks that each boy does everyday. I want them to master a task before they move on or change. You can view their task lists here. I printed them, covered them with contact paper and have them check off each task as they complete it. I ask them to have each routine completed by a specific time. So morning chores are done by 11:00 so that I can check their chores before lunch. Afternoon chores are done by 4pm.

We do pay the boys twice a day for their “work” but we also expect them to contribute without pay when asked. We pay them 50 cents for their morning routine and 50 cents for their afternoon routine (Zeke gets 25 cents). However, if chores aren’t complete by the designated time or not done well, if I have to ask or remind more than once, or if there is an unusual amount of arguing, fighting or foul attitude I take off 25 cents. I try to incorporate Zeke into many of the chores during the day so that he is learning alongside the big boys and still feels “useful”. He really gets a charge out of carrying dirty laundry to the back porch, setting napkins on the table and emptying the dishwasher. In fact, he almost empties the dishwasher almost all by himself each morning.
I want to say a couple things about having kiddos doing chores.
1. Work alongside them. Let them see you working too. Let them see and know that many hands make light work. And that they have an integral part in making your family run smoothly. It is part of being a family. We all must work together so we can all play together.
2. Train, train, train. Training children is hard work. Gabe has been sweeping the floor for the last year, yet I found myself re-training him this last week about how to properly sweep the floor. It takes time. In general the steps we follow when training for a new chore are as follows…
a. Tell them what you expect
b. Show them what you expect
c. Do it with them
d. Supervise their practice
e. Independent practice (with routine checks and then move to intermittent/spot checks).
And then train again if needed. Sometimes you need to write out the steps or take it step by step and help them master a step first before moving on to the next step.
There are some things that I didn’t include on our daily expectation sheets, but that we still expect. Things like clearing their dishes from the table after meals etc.
I also have a similar system for their lesson plans and school work. It very similar to what Amy talks about here (at one of my favorite blogs). 🙂
So far this system is working well for us. The boys know what is expected of them and are accountable for making sure it is complete by the “due time” (there is a little bit of give if I see they’ve been working on it and are almost done). It saves me from having to run around and chase them to make sure everything is getting done. I have 2 scheduled check points (11 and 4) to make sure daily chores are getting done. I have a schedule for getting bigger projects done each month and I don’t get overwhelmed by the amount of work there is. I have found after going through a couple cycles of this that the projects aren’t as big and they are taking less time to get complete.
Hope it helps! 🙂

No more pencils…no more books…

We are officially done with school for this year! Gabe came down the stairs this morning and said “Mom! Do you know what the best part of today is going to be…No school!” So true son. So true.
But you know…eventhough we didn’t officially have school today, we did a lot of learning. We had a life skills day.
I have had a growing mountain of laundry on my back porch this week. I don’t know why, but it’s seemed just about impossible to get caught up. So we spent our morning sorting, folding and hanging up laundry. We learned several important lessons…1. It’s much easier to hang up shirts if you put the  hanger through the neck hole rather than the arm hole. 2. Baby brothers crawling into the laundry basket are cute the first time they do it, but the cuteness wears off each time we have to drag him out. 3. He’s even less cute when he comes along and wipes all the newly folded laundry off the table before we have a chance to put it up. 4. Little boys giggle when they have to touch underwear. 5. 2 year olds giggle when they put underwear on their heads. 6. After said 2 year wears the undies on his head, it’s hard for mommy to get anyone back on track.
So we moved on to sweeping the floor in the kitchen. 1. Yes the floor needs to be swept after each meal. If mom can feel stuff sticking to her feet…it needs swept. 2. Babies are not part of the dirt needing to be swept on the floor. 3. Do not let the baby chew on the bottom of the broom. It’s gross. 4. Either sweep the floor before the laundry basket gets pushed across the floor, or push the basket first. Don’t do them both at the same time. It makes a mess and causes fights. 5. Let the 2 year old help. Even if it means we have to do it again. We’re training him too.
We also hung out laundry this morning…we only learned one major lesson (well mommy really learned it). Don’t set the laundry basket down where ants are trying to build a home. It makes them angry. Pay attention. Although the baby thinks it’s funny when mommy dances around trying to stomp on the ants biting her toes.
We had a great day. And the boys learned something even if we didn’t have school.