Five Minute Friday — Afraid

Let’s just write and not worry if it’s just right or not. Here’s how to play along:
1. Write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in {you can grab the button code in my blog footer}
3. Go leave some comment props for the five minute artist who linked up before you {and if you love us, consider turning off word verification for the day to make it easier for folks to say howdy}
It’s a great way to catch your breath at the end of a long week.
OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes for the prompt:

Afraid

I have been afraid. There are so many things that I am afraid of.
I afraid that I’m a failure. Since we’ve moved here, the gravity of being a stay at home mom and being responsible for raising our children has set in. While Kerry is here and supportive, much of the time it falls on my shoulders…the discipline, the teaching and the responsibility. Oh the responsibility. What if I fail? What if someday they grow up, look back at this home they grew up in and despise it. Worse yet despise me?
I’m afraid that in the last 8 weeks of this pregnancy something terrible, unthinkable will happen. That I won’t be able to hold this sweet child and that the grief of losing another baby will yet again spill down around us and that it will destroy me.
I am afraid. It worries me in this new town, new group of people and new church that I will never quite fit right. That I will be like a puzzle piece jammed in the wrong spot. It’s so hard to relocate and find your “spot”. There are times when I agonize over words I’ve said or not said, things I’ve done or not done and over who I am. I worry that I’ve offended, not welcomed enough or hurt feelings without knowing. I’m afraid that I won’t be enough. For anyone.
Satan knows my fears. He knows how to attack and preys on those fears and those insecurities. It is so easy to go down that path of worry and fear…it’s easy to be terrified of all the things I’m not, can’t be, won’t be. But I’m reminded…The Lord is my light and my salvation, why should I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, why should I be afraid?
And again :

Isaiah 41:10

10 ‘Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

God reminds me again and again He is in control. He calms the waves of the storm, He knows the hairs on my head, He bottles my tears. He cares, He loves and He knows. I am so glad I can go to Him with my fears. He loves me like no one else can. He holds my future and He knows. I pray often about my worries and beg forgiveness for picking them up again instead of leaving them at His feet. He brings me peace.
I may be afraid, but He is not. I am so very thankful for His love and His protection.
Stop.

4 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday — Afraid”

  1. Hello! I am visiting from FMF. Thank you for sharing your heart. This is a beautifully written post. I was blessed by your words and the scripture you used!

  2. Hi Erin
    Happy FMF, dear one! This is one place where you can just be yourself and be loved!! What helped me with my fears, was talking to our Pappa God about them, telling Him how helpless I was to change and that I desperately needed Him to help me. He also reminded me that we shouldn’t worry to much about our reputations …! Jesus didn’t, so why should we when we don’t do anyone wrong! This brought me so much freedom.
    Much love and I am glad to meet you.
    Mia

  3. Dear Erin: Thank you for being afraid with me. I am afraid of many things too, and I have to admit sometimes it is very hard for me to rely on God to silence my fears. I miss you friend.

  4. It’s easy to be afraid. That’s the trap. We have to have confidence, cause we should know that we always have God. If we are afraid of what others think, then we are judging ourselves by their eyes, not by God’s. Love you!
    p.s. we all get afraid. That’s normal and human. But also remember, they are usually more afraid of us than we are of them!!

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