Birthdays

Somewhere in the last 2 weeks I had a birthday. It wasn’t particularly eventful or really that big of a deal. In fact, most people seem to think it’s a much bigger deal that I do. When I was a kid I used to really look forward to birthdays, I think most of us did. I always secretly hoped for that big present that I really wanted and usually got clothes instead. (A much more practical gift).

As I uncelebrated by birthday a couple weeks ago, there was still part of me hoping for that big surprise, that big shebang. But there was also part of me that felt like it was no big deal. It’s just another day. I don’t even share a birthday with anyone really famous. Except for a hockey player here and there and a spelling bee champ!
Turning 30 wasn’t this big earth shattering thing for me. In fact, I think the thing that disappoints me the most about turning 30 is the lack of “shock” people will express when they find out that I have 4 children and a master’s degree. I’ve always kind of liked that look of “wow I thought you were so much older” when people found out how old we were. Now I expect the reaction of “yep…that’s about right”.
And really what bothers me more than anything about turning 30 isn’t how old I am, but how old all the little kids from my past have become. I still feel fairly young to be honest. Not nearly old enough to remember holding cousins, who graduated from highschool this year, when they were just a few hours old. Or to have one of the girls I was a classroom aid for in highschool turn 21 and have 2 babies. Seriously. That’s what bothers me the most. They all have gotten so much older and I still feel so very much the same. I’d like to think it’s my eternal optimism that keeps me “young at heart” (how many cliche’s can we fit in one sentence?). But really…
My views and beliefs have changed and I’d like to think of myself as more mature in my thinking than I was when I was 20, but I don’t feel any older. I feel like the same old me, in a slightly more “used” version. 🙂 Maybe used isn’t the right word…but neither is older model. It’s just…me at 30 instead of 20. Big deal.
I’m still bummed about losing the shock value (I have always liked to keep folks on their toes). But I guess that’s gotta go sometime. I guess I’ll have to settle for the “shock” I get from my kiddos when they say “mom…you’re 30?!? That’s old!!!”

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