This month

This month is a big one. It’s hard not to approach with a bit of trepidation. We’ve been enjoying the last few weeks. Kerry has felt “almost normal” and we’ve enjoyed life not revolving around appointments, chemo and radiation. It’s been a sweet spot for all of us. So as we head into tomorrow and the weeks ahead, we take a collective deep breath, pray continually and take the next step together.

Tomorrow (5/6) Kerry has a procedure to mark his tumor site so that it will be easily visible when they do surgery laproscopically later this month. The procedure is outpatient and should be relatively straightforward. It can be likened to a tattoo on the inside of colon (sounds comfortable huh). It will allow the tumor site to be seen from the outside of the colon (intestine) in the abdomen. It will make surgery easier in a couple weeks. Our ‘wildest dreams’ prayer is that the site looks normal and they cancel the whole surgery because they can’t find evidence of the tumor ever existing. If that’s not the case, we know that God is still good and He will carry us through the what lies ahead.

Thursday (5/9) he has a repeat CT scan of his chest, abdomen and pelvis. This is to check on the spot in his lungs (they felt it was benign previously) and ensure there are no new tumors since his last scan in January.

Kerry has been having weekly labs drawn and the last couple of weeks his white blood cell count has been low. Normal is 4.5-6 and Kerry’s have been between 2 and 2.5 the last two weeks. His neutrophils are still on the low end of normal but not low enough for the oncologist to be concerned yet. As a nurse though, I know that the lower his white count is, it increases the risk of infection, illness and lengthens healing time. We are praying that his white count comes up over the next week or two before surgery.

Surgery is tentatively scheduled for Thursday May 16. Honestly, I’ve struggled with anxiety thinking of the extensiveness of this surgery, the recovery and watching my husband go through it all. I have been leaning heavy on a scripture I memorized when we were walking through the loss of Knox and our first daughter Lily Faith. I still have the note card I wrote this verse on and tucked into my apron pocket to pull out when worry and fear would overcome me. Tomorrow and in the weeks that come that notecard will be tucked into my pocket again.

Philippians 4:6-7 English Standard Version (ESV)

⁶  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I am so thankful that I have the assurance of God’s peace and calm when I am worried. God loves Kerry more than I do. He sees the big picture and I trust that God, in His sovereignty, will do what is best for us. I know that regardless of what lies ahead…He is with us and will see us through to the other side.