I wish I could hide

I thought that losing 20 pounds would make me feel a little more confident when I wore a swimsuit.
Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit.
We took an impromptu trip this week to a place with an indoor pool. The kids were stoked, I was nervous. I am generally a pretty modest person, swim suits are not my forte. I would prefer one that covered me from head to toe.

I stand there at the side of pool and debate. I feel like I have a huge flashing sign above my head…I am terrified that I am being judged. I wonder if other people feel as self conscious as I do.
Not only that but I wonder how some women have the confidence to just be out there. I wonder how I can get me some of that confidence. The kind that allows them to not walk around with a towel covering them from head to toe. And scramble for cover the minute the step out of the pool.  I wonder then…do I really want that kind of confidence?

Of course, I want to swim with my children, but do I really want to be totally confident showing parts of my body that don’t see the sun to complete strangers? Let’s face it, no matter how modest the bathing suit, you still show more of your body than your probably should. Truth be told, even if all my muscle groups were toned and I was the size I was in high school, I wouldn’t be comfortable.
So what is the solution? How can we be God honoring but yet engage with our families? I wonder if there is room for both modesty, comfortable without baring too much, and swimming.


One thought on “I wish I could hide”

  1. Erin,
    I think it’s okay not to feel confident showing what is not for the world to see! Saying that, I realize that the point here is the frustration you feel with your body, and not a desire to show it all to the world. Believe me, I identify. So, there are 2 issues. One, since God looks on the heart, make sure you are beautiful there, but also as a good steward of the body God has given you, take care of it the best you know how. Keep making the healthy choices and get reasonable exercise, but watch that those things don’t become the idols that you worship. And two, since swimming is such a fun thing to do with the family, look for modest swim attire. I can give you some links to some decent swimsuits we’ve tried. Trust me, none of them is going to make you look sexy! But some of them are not so bad, in my opinion. A big thing to keep in mind with the public swimming thing is that, although YOU might find something that you feel covers you appropriately, most everyone else out there won’t, so you need to be careful about what you allow your sweet little ones to be exposed to. By the way, I love the sign. Where did you find that? We can’t mandate what everyone else wears, but at least we can set the standards and train the attitudes in our own families!

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