I’m so entering this giveaway!!
Life with boys…It’s an adventure. This past week especially. Here are some things I’ve learned about being the only girl in a house full of boys.
Respect begins in the heart.
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
23 Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
The thoughts we have about our husband overflow into our “real life” and into our actions, our words and our relationships. Respect for our husbands is no different. If we don’t respect him in our hearts, we’re not going to be able to fool anyone into believing that we respect him either.
What if he hasn’t done anything worthy of respect? I can hear the indignant questions from angry wives everywhere. My husband doesn’t deserve my respect. My first question to those women is “what have you done worthy of his love?” I hate to tell you ladies (and myself sometimes) that nowhere does it say to “wait until he deserves it to show him respect” We’re supposed to do it right out of the shoot. Our husbands will answer to God for their actions and choices, we don’t get to say when he’s “good enough”.
Second, I would suggest that we should respect our husbands not because he is *worthy* of our respect, but because we are commanded by God to respect him. Who is your master? Whom are you serving when you’re respectful and obedient to your husband (I’ll give you a clue…it’s not your husband).
Very few human beings aren’t worthy of at least some respect.
I would also encourage you to examine by whose standard are you judging your husband and his worthiness? Are you looking to the world to tell you how a many “earns” respect or are you looking at the biblical standard of what a husband is to be?
One of the first ways we can begin to show respect and be respectful in our hearts is to stop trying to control our husbands. Stop trying to make him fit into a mold that the world tells us he should fit in to. Stop trying to “reform” him.
Many ladies I know seem to think that the man they were dating will magically change to the man they want them to be after the wedding. You know what? Same guy. The best we can do is to grow with our husbands, mature with them. And we can help him grow, we can share our ideas and thoughts with him, but we shouldn’t be critical of his every move and decision.
Our hearts are where respect for our husbands begin. It’s like planting a seed. If we can plant one or two seeds of respect there and nurture them they will spill over into the other areas of our lives.
I encourage you this week to find one or two things you can respect about your husband. You don’t have to say anything to him about those things if you don’t want to. But begin and end each day praising him in your heart. Praise God for those things about your husband. When you want to just smack your man upside the head or roll your eyes at him or say something hurtful…stop. Think about your “respect seeds” start cultivating that attitude towards him from the roots up.
Mom and her boys. 🙂 The boys were most anxious to be able to climb the rocks.
English Standard Version (ESV)
To tell you the truth when I first thought about respect and why it’s so important to my husband…I didn’t get it. I mean sure, who doesn’t like to be respected and valued, but it is integral in making your husband feel loved. It’s what makes him feel like he’s the man, your mate…your hero.
Over the next few weeks my plan is to talk about respect and how to respect your husband. It starts in your heart, your home and in public. So first let’s talk about what respect is and why it’s important.
By definition respect means to hold someone in esteem, defer to them, to show regard or honor for someone or something. I don’t know about you but I winced just a little when I read that. I know that I certainly haven’t always deferred to my husband or shown him the highest esteem. Ouch.
But why does the Bible command us to respect our husbands? He’s supposed to love us, but we’re to respect him. A lot of women are going to say, “but they’re one and the same…I can’t feel loved unless I’m respected” But they are different.
To esteem your husband means you hold him in high regard. In some ways respect can also be tied to admiration and appreciation of your husband. Kerry (my husband) tells me that in a way respect is the outward expression of our inward submission to him. I’ll get to the submission posts after this series, because I know that’s a tough pill for a lot of women to swallow.
Respect speaks to the heart of a man. Respect lets him know that he is valued and he is admired by someone else. In showing respect to our husbands we are also showing that we believe they are the head of our household and we believe they are totally capable in this role. Respect doesn’t just mean that we hold him in high esteem, but that we care about his thoughts and his feelings.
If a man doesn’t feel he is worthy (or getting) his wife’s respect, he will be dejected, depressed and may seek that respect elsewhere. It doesn’t make it right, but it does make it easier.
I challenge you this week to think about how you can show more esteem and respect for your husband. Ask him what makes him feel respected or honored. You might be surprised to hear the answers.
A good place to start would be pay attention to how you talk about and to your husband. How do you represent him to others? How do you talk about him in front of your children or your co-workers?